Monthly Archives: June 2016
There Is No Shame In Expressing Feelings
There is nothing wrong with feelings and expressing all of your emotions. I don’t hide from sharing all sides of myself that move through me like a dance because they are temporary and do not define me. I have learned, and we all can, to navigate feelings and it’s a beautifully empowered experience, which is also why I’m doing incredibly well and feel so harmonious after the recent challenges I’ve gone through that in the past were debilitating.
This is why I have been so transparent and shared my recent video about Joy’s transition as a way to support others in surrendering to the beauty of feelings and to know that you can return to peaceful center once you allow that to happen and don’t get stuck in ego judgments, but rather, learn to express the personal without attachment, while embodying the bigger picture that balances.
We are not meant to always be in a blissful, joyous, or even depressive or angered state. These are energetic waves we ride, but the ocean of emotions is all of this and none of this…it is simply a state of harmonious and centered being.
Humans have learned to fear feeling….to deny the wisdom of the body and senses and worship the mind solely.
As a result of being out of touch with their senses, people walk through life completely oblivious to their surroundings and the impact their choices and footprint create on the environment and everyone and everything in it, as a whole.
It’s as if feeling is a foreign invader that we either don’t want to know about (ignorance is bliss) or we want to completely eradicate altogether.
We’re taught to narrow our attention and always obsess over the future, while clinging tightly to the past. But this merely leaves us unable to function in the fullness of who we are in the present.
And, in so doing, we rely on others and so-called “experts” and “authority” figures to make decisions for us. It is a way to not take responsibility with a convenient excuse that we’re too busy or haven’t the ability to understand how we truly feel in order to even make a choice or have an opinion.
So it becomes easier to allow others to choose that for us.
People have run away from authenticity of feeling and replaced this with surrender to what is socially acceptable.
And what does this create?
A build up of explosive, unexpressed feelings that get triggered when you least expect it, and all versions of suppressive and numbing substances and behaviors to stuff those feelings even more deeply.
And then blame is attached to these secondary reasons for our suppression…all simply due to our learning to deny emotional feelings and messaging and continuing to accept that this is acceptable.
Come back to yourself.
Embrace every emotion and sensory feeling, as therein lies the gift of your humanity.
All the colors of emotions are of value. They are all simply energy and part of Source experiencing itself through each wave of feeling that we have the free will to move through. We tend to deem some as better or worse, may avoid them, or deny some in favor of others. However there is a beauty and gift in feeling. Source does not hold judgment on feelings. It remains the unconditionally, detached observer of energy expressions.
Humans hault, block, and attach to energy – defying what is in its innate nature to do, which is flow.
We are human “beings”, which is a motion..a dance…the blessing of “feeling” and moving energy into action. When we allow ourselves to feel, we naturally cycle through the feelings to harmony and balance.
I am grateful for every experience that has taken me to the darkest and lightest of places, for it provides the ability to understand and have true compassion, not to mention infuses everything I do with a breadth of energy that takes my life’s work and relationships to everything around me, to another level otherwise not achieved.
Some of the tormented souls have indeed become great artists, visionaries, movers in the world, and healers because of their ability to go to the full gamut of experiences and depth that then infuses creations, ideas, dreams, and connection with more richness.
We do not NEED to be tormented – that is a choice – but there is also no judgment on this. The key isn’t to avoid feelings, but to learn processes to rebalance ourselves after allowing them to move through us freely. And once we retrain this, it becomes natural once again.
I would not be me, nor where I am in life without ALL that I have gone through.
I cherish the highs AND lows that I have gone through, as they are the sacred fabric of my being.
However, the more I have learned to peacefully navigate the emotional waters, the less the pendulum swings and the more gently it is nudged by the whispers of my embrace.
(This post is a combined new share interwoven with two past shares from 2014 on the subject of feelings. I felt this important to express when someone told me that they did not want to watch the emotional parts of my video about my experiences with Joy’s transition, as they see me as a happy person and don’t like seeing me or “good” people, as they put it, sad. I believe this is a collective belief or reaction that many share where I feel there is a misunderstanding of expressing feelings and being afraid or judgmental of them, as we all have been. And until we learn a new perspective, I’m afraid this will limit the expansive experiences and powerful creative energy we innately have available to us.)
Life Goes On ~ The Journey Continues Through North Yellowstone & Bozeman
I continue to keep on living as fully as possible, getting back to my projects, sound channeling, and Magick Stones, and embracing how life goes on despite the challenges experienced. So in the spirit of that, it’s time to continue with the journey shares and where and what has unfolded since last I journaled about the adventure. I’ve caught us up through West Yellowstone and a little intro into North Yellowstone, but now I’ll reflect on the rest of our time exploring the North and North East of Yellowstone National Park, as well as our lovely time in Bozeman, Montana for anyone following along or that is interested in exploring these areas yourself.
We stayed in Gardiner at the North end of Yellowstone where we were grounded in one of our most beautiful sites right on the Yellowstone River. While here we decided to book an adventure package to change things up a bit and integrate it with our daily hikes and explorations. We chose a half day of white water rafting in class 2 and 3 rapids, which was super fun and refreshing from getting soaked and having water fights with other rafters, and a half day of ziplining – splitting them over two days so we could do other things too.
The longest zip went across a canyon and over a creek at 1200 feet long and 250 feet high.
It was a lot of fun, but now having zipped twice (the other was in Costa Rica), we both feel we’ve had our fill of it and aren’t in need of anymore.
There’s a lot of waiting when there are groups and I actually feel it to be uncomfortable with all the cannon ball tucking, especially over such long zips, leaving me sore in odd places, despite my daily exercise that keeps me in shape.
It also didn’t help that the guide misinterpreted my speed coming in and broke me too soon – totally an innocent thing that ended up being fun for me (not so much for him), but it left me zipping backward and hanging there suspended in the middle a couple hundred feet high until he could get to me and bring me back…so sore muscles next day indeed. 🙂
Yet, it did give me more time just free-hanging by myself, which I much appreciated despite that and seemed symbolic of letting go and surrendering.
Rafting on the other hand we will continue when there’s a cool place that calls to us, as it’s just exciting fun and something we enjoy and have done several times now.
We found a cool spot called the Iron Horse Bar & Grille after our rafting, where we enjoyed sunset refreshments to reflect on Joy while overlooking Yellowstone River and I was feeling so much love and gratitude for everything including the three heart river stones I’d found before we got on the raft, which I put down my tank top in hopes they would be safe there…and they were.
The morning before rafting we also explored Mammoth Hot Springs, which I already shared photos of in the last update along with my three heart river stones, and after our ziplining we ventured into the North Eastern side of Yellowstone to check out Roosevelt Lodge where we got some refreshments, viewed Tower Falls, and drove through the beautiful and Bison filled Lamar Valley to hike at gorgeous Trout Lake.
Watching the Bison was incredible. We spent a long time just observing their behaviors and patterns. Being so close was really wonderful to see into their gentle and soulful eyes too, exhibiting their sweet and playful nature alongside their strength and power. It was so awesome watching the babies and mothers running swiftly and playing with each other. Amazing how these massive animals can move.
I shared a video of the spawning Cutthroat and Rainbow Trout already that had me in deep reflection and shifting my perceptions on life and challenges even more deeply and more thoroughly embodied, but here are some photos of these amazing fish.
The beauty of the lake and its surroundings was gorgeous. There was so much fresh, life-affirming and cleansing energy here.
The weekend had then arrived, which meant our fun time with my dear friend and soul Pisces brother, Christopher had begun.
He had generously offered to take us on a hike that he said would be a highlight of our trip and indeed it was.
We met him in between Bozeman and Gardiner, in Paradise Valley, for an epic hike – Pine Creek Trail, which is a 10 mile round trip hike, ascending 3300 feet (that doesn’t mean you are just hiking around at 3300 feet, but the gain in climb we ascended WAS 3300 feet over the course of 5 miles).
He told us of the stunning treasure at the top that awaited us, but the journey there was also incredibly beautiful and the energy kept rising as we did.
It took us past a waterfall near the 1 mile mark and through forests, across thickly dense meadows of a variety of wildflowers, amidst Faery enriched magick, across a fast flowing creek that was brrrrr invigorating, but also stinging cold, cold, cold! Woo!
We ascended the side of the mountain through mica, quartz, granite, and other beautiful stone varieties, and continued to see waterfalls and streams on and off.
We climbed and climbed, but took our time making it a deliberate, intentional pilgrimage, as this was not just a hike, but one in honor and celebration of Joy, but also had the intent of a crystal grid at the top to send out energy to all of humanity and the Earth collective.
It was an amazingly gorgeous and potently energetic journey that did not disappoint and led us to these pristine alpine lakes at the top, nestled between the mountain tops, with cascading waterfalls that flowed from one lake into another. At times there were two and three waterfalls within our sight at once.
One of the first lakes we saw had a moss covered heart rock peaking through its surface. Once again the love and support was all around.
And the lakes at top included Jewel Lake and Pine Creek Lake. I loved that one was called “Jewel” Lake, as that is one of the nicknames I call Joy – my little “Jewel” or “Jewel of the Nile”. 🙂
Along the way we saw a Garter Snake and tons of butterflies, one of which landed right on my upper chest. She was flying around us and we were watching and she circled back to me and came right at me, coming to rest on the strap of my tank top where it connected to the part that crosses the chest and gave me a butterfly kiss blessing. I was so touched and knew Joy was there with me celebrating life and sharing her love and joy through this sweet butterfly. It was also a repeat of what happened when Christopher and I were at Machu Picchu last year and a butterfly that time had flown at me and came to rest on my lips, giving me a kiss.
Anyway, it wasn’t long after we’d begun the trek that I found a giant raw quartz that compelled me to pick her up…again feeling it was a gift from Joy. She was about 5 pounds, but I decided to carry her the whole way and did. I was glad I did, as I truly feel that she helped me to do so well on this challenging uphill and long hike.
I was worried because I had immediately, only a mile in, started getting my hypo glycemia symptoms that come on randomly, but when they do it makes me very shaky and weak. We did have water and snacks with us, but it didn’t seem to subside with those, but once I started holding this quartz, I started balancing out right away and never had any episode again the entire time, plus did really well with having lots of energy for this difficult hike.
So I was grateful and knew once again Joy was supporting me.
When we arrived at the top, it was like another world and a place outside of time. Our sacred journey was so worth the effort, as what we saw before us was truly enchanting.
Definitely one of the most beautiful and incredible places was right before us…an other world, a magickal realm, a dimensional portal where nothing but that time and space existed.
We had to cross some mossy, almost tundra-like terrain, with little streams and then climb up and over some rocks to get to Pine Creek Lake – the larger of the lakes there.
We took some time just taking it all in, visually and energetically feeling into the beauty abound.
And we captured some photos in Joy and celebration of our initiation-like trek.
Christopher took this photo of me and my Joy rock too.
It was like 30 or more degrees colder up there and crisp and clear.
Christopher set his sights on where we would do the crystal grid – he had brought with him the crystals for this, along with sage and a feather for us to cleanse ourselves and the space beforehand.
He tuned in that it was a grid for humanity and the collective consciousness, so four of his crystal skulls wanted in on the intention, along with other crystals, as you see here.
While Christopher set up I felt guided to cleanse my quartz I’d been carrying with me in the lake’s sacred waters. And so I did, with intention of charging and activating a new era in my own life, as well as for Earth.
This quartz became known as my “Joy” rock, which Christopher lovingly had named as such.
Christopher led a short intentional ceremony, as we stood (me), sat (Christopher), and laid (Dave) with bare feet touching the Earth below us. I was at center just directly behind the crystal grid, facing the lake. We were aware of our Trinity energy and once again, just as in Peru, we were three creating a pyramid.
In Peru it had been two females holding the base of the pyramid, with Christopher as the integrating point. Here, it was the two males holding the base of the pyramid, with me as the integrating point. A beautiful inversion and balance created and our work there continued, along with the work Christopher has been doing in gridding different sacred spots on the Earth he’s been journeying to and along with the work I’ve been doing in sprinkling magick and intentional balancing energy where ever I have and continue to travel to.
During his share he also sweetly added that we were there to celebrate Joy and that we named this lake “Joy Lake” in her honor. I let out a deep heart and soul “aw” feeling so touched by this, but also feeling the divine perfection of this gift to her and her to humanity as a circle of life and love.
After his short intentional ceremony, we went silent and did our own meditational processes that we each felt led to do.
Visions came to me during this time, along with the intentions I was directing for the highest good of all concerned. One of the visions was this pure essence woman that was icy white, so much so that there was an underlying blue to the whiteness. At first she appeared crystalline and flowy, almost as if with wings, but then became more solid, yet still translucent, as she rose from the lake all aglow. I then got in my mind “The Lady of the Lake,” but I also felt Joy in her. She seemed like a manifestation of Joy as well, in a more human-like form, but of course otherworldly and not human at all.
I saw a Unicorn thereafter, and then Cosmic beings and what felt to be my Arcturian family.
After a while we reconvened as a group and I asked Christopher if anything had come to him.
He tells me that he had a couple of visions, but the first thing he describes and says that he saw was “The Lady of the Lake” rising from the lake and how she was all white.
I smiled huge in mouth and eyes, lighting up with excitement and said, “So did I!”
We felt complete after our sharings for a couple of minutes and Christopher lovingly put his crystals away and then took off his shirt and immersed in the freezing cold water! Woo!!
Some great renewal there indeed! I was freezing at this point in just a tank and skirt, so I only immersed my hands and feet in the water and once Christopher came back down to Earth (hehe) we trekked off for our decline back down the mountain feeling refreshed, fulfilled, and full of love and new vision.
Of course our descent was much quicker, but we still took our time and took breaks, making the whole day very intentional and full of presence and nurturing for the entire experience and journey, making the pilgrimage last about 7 hours.
It was beautiful and perfect and still lingers and integrates within us.
We returned home after, knowing we were all physically ready for some good rest and knowing we’d be having some soreness the next day.
The next day, we each were pretty tired still from the magnitude of it all, but surprisingly not as sore as we thought.
It was travel day for Dave and I, as we were leaving our Yellowstone River front home in Gardiner for our city site in Bozeman.
And the rest of our days there were then mixed with a balance of both city and nature fun.
We also got to continue seeing Christopher over the course of the next three days, which was very nice and he introduced us to some cool restaurants, told us about the city and things to do, and gave us some ideas on day explorations.
During these days we enjoyed lunch twice! (because it was so good) at Starky’s Authentic Americana where I sampled my first vegan Reuben sandwich.
It took coming to Bozeman, Montana with these two great guys to do it! According to Dave it was hands down the best vegan Reuben he’d ever had and he’s a big Reueben fan. I’m glad I waited. 🙂 It was made from in-house fresh baked rye bread that was like it just came out of the oven and yummy sauer kraut with so real seitan we had to make sure it was vegan. They even bake their own chips which we enjoyed with two fresh salsa mixes… One with corn, black bean, mango, onion, and tomato.. super yum!
We also enjoyed a short hike on Gallagator Trail that runs through Bozeman along a creek where amazing giant dandelions stirred the magick in my heart, we discovered a community garden with plots that local residents can rent for a mere $44 a year and with all the free water they need (after receiving $40 back if they clear and return their plot at the end of the season to its natural and ready state) – a retiree was working his plot and we stopped to have a lovely chat with him and learned much, we came across a pollinator area the city planted to bring in bees, butterflies, etc. and info on how that helps the area, and sat on a bench while dandelion seeds blew through the air around and above us, dancing in the sunlight like in Avatar, which was truly magickal.
I tried to capture them aglow blowing all around and above us in the light…if you look closely at the last photo of the sunlight, you can see some specks of white in the air.
We also rode our mountain bikes on Bozeman Creek Trail in Sourdough Canyon.
I did 10 miles of the 16 and Dave did 18 (2 extra miles because he had to go fetch the air pump when he discovered me walking my bike back with a flat tire. We decided to do this trail at our own individual paces and I went 5 miles to the bridge over the river only, as I was needing to take the day easy and enjoyed the reflection time at a slow pace, taking in the river that ran alongside the trail.
The flat tire happened on the way down, about 1/3 in to my return, which was disappointing that I couldn’t glide back, but also made the walk back even more intentional and provided opportunity to meet up with another Garter Snake that was crossing my path. Lots of transformation at hand indeed.
Cosmo had his vet appointment and minor surgery at a great rabbit vet in the area – again so grateful and he’s doing amazing. Will share more about him at a later time.
We met Christopher again for dinner at Red Tractor Pizza – an artisan, hand-tossed, brick oven pizzeria sourced as close by as possible with organic, gluten and dairy free ingredients including an organic sprouted Montana grains as crust option, which we had. We sampled a custom made large pizza – half crispy baby kale, rosemary butternut squash, and brussels sprouts and half olives, jalapenos, pineapple, and caramelized onions on spicy red sauce with just a super light dusting of vegan cheese. Another delicious find here in Bozeman in case anyone ever travels through. We also sampled the Flathead Lake Handcrafted Huckleberry Soda – Huckleberries are a big thing in Montana.
And we ended off our time in Bozeman with a short, gentle stroll immersion in the wetlands of Cherry River and shared a beautiful evening at Bogert Farmers’ Market as a bitter sweet closure to our time with Christopher – for now.
These are some of my goodies I took home from the Farmers’ Market, which just so happened to be held at the the beginning of Gallagator Trailhead where Dave and I had explored – mustard greens and baby kale for cosmo, white kale for salads, gluten free bread made with coconut oil and coconut milk for warm breakfast goodness, vegan blueberry peach pie (we ate part of for dessert after our pan-fired vegetable soba noodle dinner on the lawn by the creek), and beautiful fragrant peonies from Christopher.
Feeling much gratitude for everything during this healing time and especially for Christopher being there during one of my toughest times, and for more than words can express.
Yesterday we began our journey onward with a stop along the way at an RV and truck repair shop to get some work done before heading to our next stop in Helena, Montana.
We ended up being there nearly 9 hours, taking a break at a local Indian restaurant. It provided some transition time and work space.
They have a big employee lounge we were able to work in while the animals stayed in the RV and I checked in on Cosmo to give him his meds.
What we didn’t anticipate was all of the employees’ animals that come to work with them including two cats, two dogs AND a calf.
Caterpillar, one of the cats, literally adopted us and was curled in my lap, holding my chest like a bear cub, licking away and laying all over our computers. He wouldn’t leave me alone, lol. Perhaps he felt the need to give me healing love as much as he is attracted to the healing love and Reiki from me.
But divine alignment seemed to also be with the calf, as this little one came a month too early and is in need of round the clock care while hopefully her lungs develop. Her mother was trying too hard to help and was endangering her so they had to remove her and take care of her themselves.
They knew we had animals, lost a rabbit, and had one that went through surgery so they knew we would appreciate this little one so they brought us to her.
I asked if it was alright to do some energy work for her which they invited fully and I called upon Joy, Nestor and Gaia to assist as I usually do.
Whether this will help provide peace, energetic guidance for her path of choice, or strength to keep going, I feel the timing to be synchronous and once again saw the message of where there is death there is life and the cycles of nature continue to flow.
Grateful to have the honor to be there for this little one and to receive healing love too.
The circle of life and giving and receiving is in beautiful flow and yes, life goes on.
In Life & Death, “Joy” Is Always There
I felt guided to recount my last days and what I experienced with my rabbit, Joy, through video share rather than writing a long account. It felt to be a more personal, transparent, and vulnerable way to do so, while also the way of honoring that felt most resonant. While I didn’t share every detail, it is still a long video, and is a way to express what has happened to all who have been asking, wondering, and have shared concern, a way to process more layers of my integration with it, and a way to be of assistance to others that are going through loss, as well as to help understand these natural and yet magickal cycles.
The video was shot in one succession of recount, however due to its size I was cut off during it and had to re-record immediately where I left off, multiple times. Due to that, there may be a couple of words where the videos are threaded together that are lost, but the general message should all be there and I did my best to pick back up and repeat where I left off.
I didn’t know how it would come through, nor prepared for it, so what ever was meant to I believe did.
Here is the video share from my heart:
There are a few things I wanted to add that are beautiful memories for me, which I’ll do so interspersed with some beautiful photo memories of Joy in her last days (which you’ll find at the end) and over time, here below.
I mention in the video that I knew this was coming for Joy, I just didn’t know the exact time until the day of her passing. That morning I knew she was leaving and said that to both Dave and Janet, who was still around at the time. I knew she wouldn’t make it through that day, but there were different scenarios that could play out and I was only concerned with the path of least pain for her and to honor her wishes, so going to any extent was necessary in my mind, which ended up being driving nearly 2 hours to create the alignments necessary.
But a few days before her having more issues and my taking her in for surgery, I had a dream. It was more involved than what I’ll share, but I don’t remember anything more than this.
In the dream she was a giant bunny, the same size as me. It was her, but there were also some elements of Nestor in her. I remember her taking her paws and back legs and wrapping them fully around me, and then me doing the same with my own arms and legs, leaving us in a giant embrace and snuggling one another like a big bear hug – my face immersed in her soft fur.
I felt her immense love in this human-sized hug and when I woke I knew she was wanting to let me know that she appreciated all of my efforts, that she knew I was doing all that I could, that she loved me so much, and for me to know she was preparing to leave.
So, things from there were not surprising and it was definitely no coincidence she chose a cosmic portal and full moon to bridge her journey to the beyond.
To demonstrate Joy’s ever-giving love and devotion to being of service, while she was ill, just before I was able to get her in to have surgery, I wanted to give Dave a Reiki healing attunement for things that he was going through and in the middle of the attunement, Joy hopped over and helped out. She went to his right foot and nosed him, sitting there flowing Reiki to him along with me until I was done. Something Nestor also used to do. I managed to capture a quick photo in the midst of things, as I wanted Dave to see how much she loved him and had been helping out despite her own challenges.
Another beautiful moment was after her surgery when I went in to see her to take her home and she immediately licked my hand to greet me. She is not a licker like Cosmo, as this is a new expression of affection for her of recent, so it was quite touching. Again, I knew she was thanking me for helping to ease her physical pains with the surgery and also sharing her love and happiness to see me.
I mentioned in the video that my friend Christopher, who had joined on my sacred journey to Peru last March for the Equinox, was supportive through the process…synchronously Joy had chosen to transition in Bozeman, Montana where he just so happened to live and so there was divine alignment in his being there for me, as I had been there for him in Peru, which was incredibly beautiful.
Not only was I able to stay at his house, since I had to drive an hour and 45 minutes to get her to the ER there, but he was with me when I received the news, drove me back to say goodbye to her physical body and make arrangements for her ashes, gave me a moss agate healing pendant gift that has been supportive through the process, and then continued to provide his loving friendship and connection during our days in Bozeman, which included an epic hike in honor of Joy and to send out energy to the collective through a crystal grid (more on that in an upcoming post).
I will never forget the last day I had with Joy where I stayed home with her and basically laid on the floor next to her for hours snuggling and petting her, trying to syringe feed, hydrate, and give her meds so she didn’t have pain, and playing music to her while I sang from my heart. I left her for only about 45 minutes to an hour to take a walk on the lake where we were staying, check in on Janet’s dog, Daisy, stay grounded and balanced, and to do a sound channeling, which I shared already called – Preparing the Way.
Music, sound, and singing seemed to be the theme for our last day together, as that continued on the long car ride to the ER, and has been a connective thread to our relationship over all of the years she’s been with me.
I picked up Joy’s ashes when we officially landed in Bozeman, this past Sunday and it was an emotional release again when I brought her ashes to Dave waiting in the car.
He had not been there, as we were apart when she passed, so it was emotionally unleashing for him and we shared some tears and I found myself comforting him, rather than needing the comfort myself due to my integrating the processes that have been leading up to this unfolding.
Synchronously, Joy’s doctor texted me right after I picked up her ashes. He’d called me the night of her passing and now was checking in on me and how I was doing and how Cosmo was with everything, as we had discussed him as well in our hours of talking.
He had even offered help and consulting for Cosmo if ever I needed it. He definitely was going way beyond the call of any duty, as he is truly an angel. He wanted me to continue to keep him posted about Cosmo and told me he thought I was a special soul and beyond any doctor client thing, if ever I was back in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, he would love to meet and connect again, and give me another hug in person. ❤
Just a couple of days before receiving Joy’s ashes we spent an evening having refreshments on Yellowstone River, reminiscing about Joy and reviewing all of her life over sweet and funny photos and videos I have stored on my phone – the only photos I keep on my cell phone are nearly 500 photos of Joy and Cosmo. 🙂
It has definitely been a celebration and honoring of both her life and death, but mostly just about her eternally beautiful, joyous, sweet, and magnanimous soul.
I mentioned in a previous post about the special bottle pendants I had the foresight of getting to house some of the ashes of all three of my bunnies that I would keep – the rest to spread on the Earth where I felt led. Yesterday, on the day I made this video while Cosmo was in surgery, I also transferred Joy’s ashes to her bottle.
I am guided that I will be spreading the rest of both Nestor’s and Joy’s ashes somewhere. The place for Nestor is known and perhaps Joy will be with her, or somewhere else maybe in Montana since she chose this state and I’ve felt Montana was important for a while, not knowing why. I have spread Nestor’s ashes in many sacred places across the globe, but feel the journey is complete and all will come to rest somewhere shortly. The same with Joy’s.
It is time for them to both fully be released.
Joy’s passing to the otherworld is definitely the end of an era in my life and the beginning of a new one.
Here is the sweet way that Joy’s ashes were presented to me in a little flower tin marked “Joy Marie” inside a velvet bag with a card that has wildflower blooms inside of a heart to plant in her honor and quotes about the Rainbow Bridge, along with these:
…love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Khalil Gibran
Grief never ends…but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of LOVE ❤
I am grateful to have known, cherished, and been present with the depth of love and my love for Joy before separation. Separation simply reiterates its magnitude I will never lose feeling of.
I have experienced the passages of grief, coming to honor and embrace its beauty and significance and I share my vulnerability through those passages, as my testament of that love and trust continuously expanding.
Life Lessons from Spawning Trout
I took this video of spawning Cutthroat and Rainbow Trout at Trout Lake in the Lamar Valley of North East Yellowstone National Park. I’m sharing it, as I find their journey to be so reflective of how perspective can be both limiting and freeing.
I was completely enthralled by their upstream journey and it made me contemplate so many things, including how our limited perspectives and prejudices would have our ego perhaps judging their process as incredibly challenged, exhausting, frustrating, and wasteful hard work.
However, we misunderstand what to them is simply their natural process, which is an ancestral and biological instinct that is part of their evolution and not in the least bit questioned by them.
It is their natural rhythm.
It is their nature.
What might this teach us the next time we are faced with things that seem like challenges?
For one, perhaps viewing all things as simply part of our natural rhythms and flowing with them rather than judging them, might make the journey more freeing and bring greater inner peace to the process.
The Journey Unknown
I had forgotten about this sound channeling and just found it yesterday while looking through my photos saved on my cell phone. The recording isn’t very clear, as it was captured while I was driving to pick up my rabbit Joy after coming through from her surgery and so it is filled with layers of emotions and speaks of the journey through challenge and going through waves of feelings that come along with that through inspired sound and musical language not of this realm. I felt a wave of energy surging through and so like always I hit record in the moment, despite driving, as I wanted to capture what was flowing. I apologize for the background driving noise, making it a bit unclear, but decided despite that and this one being different from others, to share it anyway. Playing it on high volume will assist a bit in listening.
In the Womb of a Crystal ~ Summer Solstice Full Moon Activation
The Solstice Full Moon of Monday June 20, 2016 is one I will not forget for many reasons, one of which was the amazing immersion inside of a crystal cave that sent chills throughout my entire body upon entering. It was exactly like the crystal meditation I teach in the Crystal Magick Workshop where we enter into our crystal’s domain as a cave to meet and connect more deeply with our crystal friend, but I was now physically experiencing this. Incredible, to say the least.
Our day began with a picnic lunch overlooking Firehole River in Yellowstone, continued with exploring the dynamic Fountain Paint Pots (which include geysers, mud holes, hot springs, and fumaroles), and a short hike to Harlequin Lake, which was laced with tons of lily pads in a secluded area you get through by walking a trail that reminded me of a bamboo forest like the ones I’ve explored in Maui, but they were instead dense fields of thin trunked trees.
After returning home to check on the bunnies and give them nourishment and love (I never like leaving them much), we met up with my friend Janet who was staying at the Cinnamon Lodge in Gallatin Gateway, not far from Big Sky.
She’d heard about an old abandoned quartz mine that people don’t know about and so we all decided that we should go there, as a perfect way to harness the energy of the Solstice Full Moon.
The hike was more than we thought given the brief description of “just an easy walk that way”, climbing up over 700 feet of elevation rapidly in a very short distance (about 3/4 of a mile), which was basically like a close to vertical climb. But we found the mine and it was well worth it.
The trail took us across Gallatin River over a bridge – very symbolic like a bridge to another world, realm, and new reality that would be activated from this experience – and through a beautiful forest with gorgeous moss laden rocks that were rich in Faery essence and like a hidden world where Faeries, Elves, Hobbits, and Gnomes were frolicking about.
We then arrived at our destination.
Basically it was like stepping inside of a quartz cave or a giant crystal. It was at least 30 degrees cooler inside…so cold in fact that when I was left alone inside for a while, I could see my breath before me, which added to the experience. I think I was the only one though that saw this, as I stayed a long time inside at the very back of the mine, alone. My breath before me looking like spirit essence merging between me and the crystal cave.
Even before entering the mine the ground was laced with quartz fragments both small and large. One did not need to even venture in or that far in, to find some lovely pieces.
But, despite my having fears in the past of going into mines and dark spaces (bringing up things from childhood), I ended up feeling very comfortable here. In fact, was quite joyful, which I think shows through in this photo above.
Dave and I have hiked into mines or near them before and I’ve always had this eerie or off sense about it that didn’t sit right. I did not feel that with this mine, perhaps due to its crystalline nature that I connect with so much and its energy inviting me deeper.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to see when I went inside, but when I flashed my cell phone flash light on the walls of the cave I was in awe at the beauty before me. That is when I realized that this wasn’t just a mine with some pieces of quartz here and there that you might find, but in fact it was a living, breathing crystal womb.
The side walls, ceiling and floor were all quartz interlaced with calcite in varying colors and just incredibly beautiful.
The ground was laced with smaller polished crystals like pebbles on top of larger ones and with a sediment of moist clay in between or on top.
We were being nurtured and cradled by a giant crystal. I felt like a baby star inside a mother star getting ready to be propelled into another dimensional experience. And indeed we were inside of a crystal portal, outside of space and time.
The farther back you went into the mine, the more clay was on the ground.
As I mentioned, as soon as I stepped inside and realized I had literally entered into a giant crystal cave and touched the walls, my whole body got waves of chills running through me. I could feel the energy and it was potent and beautiful.
The photos throughout are from the inside of the mine – hard to capture in the dark the crisp brilliance, but I think you can get the idea from them. You can even see spirit essences coming through in them, like in this one where there is a very clear face that is almost cherub or sprite-like.
I first decided to explore and ran my hands along the walls, rummaged through the loose crystals on the ground and just took it all in. The walls were delicate and pieces of crystal easily would come off.
I had a deep feeling of reverence and did not want to damage or hurt the crystal in any way, so although one could easily go chipping away and amass some majorly amazing crystals from within the cave walls, I felt that what wanted to come with me would easily be on the ground, hidden in the clay peeking out in brilliance, or loose and would let me know without having to pry them loose.
After exploring, I then started picking up crystals and used the skirt of my dress to hold them like a basket. I had felt called to wear my magickal Peter Rabbit dress for the Solstice in honor of and support of my bunny loves.
Dave had already gone in and found his right away (one beautiful golden quartz – later outside he found two more), so he waited outside above the mine, just connecting with the energy and doing intentions for the Solstice from there, while Janet and I continued to explore.
We went in twice, bringing out several pieces to look at in the sunlight and used Janet’s necklace as a pendulum to make the final decisions as to which actually needed and wanted to come home with us.
Mine ended up being the ones I had felt most strongly, which is always nice to have that reiterated.
Janet felt complete and had even found a larger specimen that was quite lovely with varying layers and coloring of calcite with some quartz in between, which you can see here a bit in this photo that she took of it:
The quartz that ended up coming home with me were not all visually what one might find the most beautiful and in fact several are encrusted with other minerals and Earth, which to me makes them very potent and alive with Elemental energy still intact. Some are root pieces too, which feels grounding and integrative. I trust that the ones meant to come home did (8 in all pictured below) and I love the raw, natural potency they have, with one being a naturally polished stone.
The rest of the ones that weren’t meant to come, but which I had picked up from the cave, I returned back inside to the cave to their mother.
I then felt it was important to do a deep connecting and my intentions inside the cave for the Solstice. Dave and Janet did not and so they did their own thing elsewhere.
So I ventured again all the way to the back of the mine on my own. The second time it was even colder than the first and this is when I saw my breath before me while I was alone at the back of it. I am not sure how long I was in there (Janet said a long time), but I felt compelled to be there and loved it.
It felt like home and reminded me of the ancient parts of myself, and the places of potency I have spent time in like in my lives as a Nymph and Sibyl, for instance, who love caves and springs and any place that really connects me with the womb of the Earth. This is also where sound is at its most powerful and where I can go deeply into my essence to retrieve the soul signature songs and hear the vibrations of creation from.
It is for this reason I feel that I was not afraid, where I thought I might be, to be in the deepest, darkest part of the cave/mine by myself.
At first I’d said to Janet, “don’t leave me”, upon first venturing in, as I was conditioned by my previous experiences in these mines and dark places, but I soon got over that and was consumed with my love for this place and this crystal cave and ended up not wanting to leave and feeling like I was home.
I told Janet I was facing my fears by going in all the way, and what I discovered is that the crystal infused me with wonder and love and became inviting rather than ominous.
So, while I was there alone inside, I pressed my third eye to the very back of the cave’s crystalline wall, with hands gently touching the quartz in front of me and leaned my body into the giant crystal to do my connecting and intentions.
It is here that I asked for support for Joy and to bring her the peace she and I so desired for her and to give me strength, and both of us to have beautiful closure. I also asked for support for Cosmo and continued on with personal intentions for myself, loved ones, and the collective. Then surrendered it all completely for the highest good of all and released any attachment.
I called in the Faeries, Elementals, Spirit Guides, my Cosmic family, and others, along with meeting them with my Essence and Higher Self to work together as one. For things that I asked to receive, I also promised to give in return, as I never feel it to be a one way street.
One of the things I promised to the Faeries, this Crystal that represents Ancient Earth and the Cosmos, and to the collective I called in was to sing my song and to continue in larger ways to give the gift of sound channeling to continue with the work I left off doing, to support the collective and Earth experience into a new vibration and reality. And I have done so, as the next day I was full of song that I recorded and sang out from my heart.
It was hard for me to leave, as I was having such a rich connective time there in this other wordly, but so Ancient Earth realm.
My breath appeared before me upon coming out of my meditative connecting time and it looked like spirit essences intermingling in the darkness.
I felt enchanted and definitely activated, infused with so much universal and unconditional love that was like the tear drop of a star merging with the cosmic waters of my soul.
I reluctantly, but with fulfillment, exited my crystal cave womb, feeling birthed anew and with greater clarity and strength for what I would soon be experiencing and or the rest of my life.
We then descended the mountain, with me lingering behind a bit.
The light of day was beautiful and sparkling like a star through the trees.
We made our way back across the bridge and back into the world where we would integrate the energy received into our lives and in interaction with others for the highest good.
We parted ways for the evening with Janet, saying good night to her and her dog, Daisy. Leaving her sitting on her porch – all of us smiling wide and grateful for this potent Solstice experience that was like an initiation into all of the new the three of us each individually, and together, would be creating.
On the drive back, which was about 35 minutes, we stopped at a large beaver dam complex on our right, which was beautiful and could see the lodge and felt the reflection of this community and interweaving ecosystem they have created, as an example of our cocreative experience and connection to the collective and how we are woven together.
We then also saw a large bald eagle on the left, right at the side of the road. He was on the ground and picking at something. We saw that it was a dead mule deer that he was feasting on – quite a sight and only several feet away. This reflecting the cycles of life and transformation taking place. What brings death, also brings life, as all is interwoven.
Transmutation was at hand and this was all heralding the end of an era for me about to take place.
I knew one of the quartz I had brought home was to support Joy, so I placed it with her when I arrived home, along with her Nestor and Gaia crystal statues, and another sparkly crystalline stone I’d found a couple of days before that was connected to her (more on that soon). She was surrounded with everything possible to be of assistance energetically.
That evening, when it was dark (it doesn’t get dark until 10pm or after here, which has changed our inner clocks to naturally cycle with the light rather than keep to our conditioned schedules, having us eat dinner at 9:30 or 10 pm at night for instance) we walked across to the beach on Hebgen Lake where we were staying. Our site was basically a few yards from the beach and the Full Moon rose directly in front of us, which we could see out the front of the Magick Bus.
I took the eight quartz crystals that came home with me along for the walk to take in the Full Moon’s blessings and to receive the Moon’s activation. I held them out in front of me, as we were all illuminated by Grandmother Moon’s light and gently surrendered into receiving and flowing out love.
I gazed upon the rabbit in the Moon and felt the expansiveness of this Sagittarius energy that it was in, deepening, widening, expanding my heart, soul, and entire being.
A potent blessing, gift, and experience all around indeed.
Preparing the Way
This sound channeling came through on a very sacred day of supporting and guiding a precious soul in my life into the afterlife on the first day of Summer after the Solstice Full Moon. I went for a walk as a way to center and balance and checked in on my friend’s dog since everyone had gone hiking while I stayed with my beloved. I was sitting in a waterfront cabin on Lake Hebgen in West Yellowstone, facing the water as this moved through me. It was also a nurturing way to bring peace and healing to myself during a challenging time. It is dedicated to Joy.
From Grand Tetons to Yellowstone ~ The Majesty That Heals
The journey has been beautiful and immensely transformative while the days of recent have gifted many blessings, synchronous alignments, and divinely navigated transitions. At the same time that I’ve been supporting my dear rabbit, Joy, through the end of her Earth year cycles (a testing time of my growth), I’ve also been cradled in Mother Earth’s nurturing, majesty, and abundant gifts in our adventures through Northern Wyoming and Southern Montana that have supported the process.
The bitter and sweet go hand in hand, as part of the alchemy of life. So, even though I am integrating this physical loss and moving through the transmutation of sadness, I am compelled to stay present within the world and guided to share the beauty and magick that partners in this synergy dance in order to keep balanced and not withdrawn.
Plus I know that Joy would want it that way…to focus on the gifts, wonder, beauty, and sweet memories and experiences…
To return everything to love and be in “Joy”.
Tuesday there was death and yesterday I was shown the birthing of new life in so many baby Bison and Elk that kept reflecting their joy to me.
It is the way of natural harmony.
I was literally giggling and in joyful tears watching them bounce around and play in the fields with so much life bubbling within them. There was even a very heart-tugging and literal scene out of “Bambi” experience that made me tear up with love.
There were several mother Elk and babies in a field, who all literally came bee-lining for our car when we pulled up (some coming within three feet from our window), but I noticed one without a baby. She started crying out and her cries were incessant. I recognized, as a mother myself to my little ones, that she was crying out for her baby. And that tugged at my current emotions that have cried for my sweet Joy.
At first I wondered if she had lost her altogether to some tragedy and was mourning…and of course I was seeing that reflection in myself and understanding there is nothing so strong as that bond between mother and child. I know this well.
But she kept moving across the field, fixated on one direction, crying out so I felt she was calling out to her little one that had fallen behind somewhere. She then moved faster until she was at the edge of the road and from the left suddenly her baby appeared at the other side of the road and cried back. She ran over to her mom and they touched noses in loving embrace and immediately thereafter she began suckling away.
I made up a little dialogue to go along with the scene unfolding before me. 🙂
Another car with a woman in it had stopped on the other side to watch and pulled up next to us once the baby passed and was safely with her mother. She rolled down her window and said, “That was like a scene straight out of Bambi, wasn’t it?” – saying what I was thinking.
Indeed it was.
We were both in joyous tears and I could see “Joy” in everything around me, reflecting her love and reminder of the vitality, continuity, fragility, and love of life. She also impressed to me our bond that would never be broken no matter where she is, as it runs deep and is experienced through everything within and without.
I have been doing really well at keeping balanced and surprisingly centered and grounded throughout these times and our journey in general and Nature makes that so easy and free, really providing no excuse not to stay nurtured through any situation that may arise.
Mother Earth loves to shower us with gifts and I love to reciprocate back with gratitude, immersion, and giving back.
I’ll be sharing about Joy in a future post, but for now I’d love to share this photo journal of our recent times over the last couple of weeks that reflect immense beauty and inspiration that is powerfully recharging simply through viewing them.
So, rather than share any long account, I’ll just summarize what you’re seeing and what has unfolded, followed by the photo montage at the end, in the order that they’ve been experienced.
Our journey after Green River, Wyoming through lovely drives took us to Moran, which is just a mile from the Grand Teton National Park entrance and only 32 miles from Yellowstone. It is also only 45 minutes from Jackson, Wyoming that came to be instrumental later in things and also is home to a great grocery store – Jackson Whole Grocer (always must mention food). 😉
We’re back to having some really beautiful RV sites again with views of Hebgen Lake and right on Yellowstone River.
Janet and Daisy ended up sticking around through our beginning adventures in Yellowstone, Montana. They just left yesterday after two weeks of wonderful times shared to venture off to their own continued adventures that are quite exciting in development and have been integrally connected.
We have seen a continual abundance of wildlife in these parts including Pronghorn, Mule Deer, Elk, Ospreys, Pelicans, Hawks, Bald Eagles, Wild Horses, Wild Bison, Grouse, Whistle Pigs, Marmots, River Otters, 10 giant Beavers! Great Blue Heron, Cranes, Geese, Ducks, Butterflies, Dragonflies, Coyote, Raccoons (which aren’t supposed to be native to the Grand Tetons), Squirrels, Rabbits, you name it! Bear, Moose and Wolves remain yet to see on this trip (we’ve seen plentiful Bear and Moose in Alaska), but we’ll be in their homelands for a while with many opportunities. All has its divine timing.
We’ve spent time hiking through fields, meadows, forests, along rolling water, lakes, and waterfalls, and up mountains, float rafting in the majestic Grand Tetons on Snake River’s Class 1 Rapids, white water rafting on Yellowstone River’s Class 2 and 3 Rapids, (going zip-lining tomorrow), picnicking on Firehole River, exploring geysers, mud holes, hot springs, and fumaroles at Fountain Paint Pots and Mammoth, as well as enjoyed a couple of the lodges for Happy Hours (lemonade or ice tea for me), lunch on outdoor viewing platforms with stunning views, and peaceful connecting and prayers in the Chapel of the Sacred Heart for Joy (I even signed her name in the visitor book).
I’ve been gifted 11 feathers (some of the tiny ones are spotted and one is a midnight blue), wonderful fossil and crystalline stones (you can’t see in the photo, but these stones are not only colorful, but are sparkly galore and raw crystals in many cases), three river heart stones, not to mention potent raw quartz from an abandoned quartz mine (crystal cave) we explored in Gallatin Gateway, not far from Big Sky on the Solstice (more on that in an upcoming blog as well along with photos of the quartz).
We’ve celebrated the Solstice Full Moon, activated my new quartz by moonlight on Hebgen Lake, I’ve been reconnected with another Pisces friend and dear soul brother who had joined my retreat in Peru last year and now supported me through the transition, and I’ve said goodbye to one of my bestest friends in the world and Cosmos. (Again, more on that in another post).
Full circle, heart-opening, life-enhancing experiences. Every time I wonder how it could get any richer, it does.
I hope you enjoy these photos…my favorites from our time.
I have so many, but chose the best to share with you.
We are currently in North Yellowstone – our last stop for the Yellowstone area through Sunday (we’ve been in the South and West and from here can continue to explore the North and North East), then will move forward and north on into more of Montana’s beauty before we say goodbye to the States for a while and head into Canada.
Living Love, Creating Change – A Short Inspired Message
Me and Earth Reflecting Love
Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in the word “HEART” you get “EARTH” and vice versa? This is significant symbolically in connecting the two vibrationally. When the frequency and vibration of our Hearts change, so too does the Earth’s frequency, as a direct mirroring reflection. One is not isolated from the other and so when we consciously expand our capacities for compassion, non-judgment, and conscious awareness through Unconditional Love, global change is inevitable and Mother Earth will flourish with the same joy.
To experience ever-loving, harmonious, magical, abundant, joyous, expansive synchronicity, it is increasingly important to move towards empowered living from our hearts. LOVE IS the most powerful energy there is. Your heart is the master gateway to wisdom, health, enhanced well-being and the key to any desired experience.
There is power in one loving heart, but the power of many is…
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Brief Update & Solstice Wishes
A brief note to share that my precious little Joy is going through a challenging hurdle right now after major surgery just yesterday, leaving her in a critical and volatile condition that is in need of my full attention. The silence and hold on projects, including Magick Stones, is because of this. It’s been a Divinely orchestrated alignment of unfoldings however, which I’ll share more of when I can, but for now I’m seeing her in her wholeness and grace, as she navigates her personal journey, with me by her side fully supporting what ever she chooses.
Wishing everyone a powerfully transformative and enlightening Solstice and Full Moon in Sagittarius, as you embrace more revealing truths and a new way of being. I know it will be a potently alchemical and illuminating one for us here on the Magick Bus for sure.
Tania Marie 