On April 27th I celebrated the 8th anniversary of my beloved Nestor’s passing and during my time communing with her on our last day in Moab, Utah while hiking to Morning Glory Natural Bridge I asked for a message from her to share with others. This is what came through our connection via message and sound channeling, which was my way of honoring her, as well as sharing the profound wholeness our connection and the experience of physically losing her has gifted me. It’s our hope in some way it will be of support and help you with your own integrative journey through the experience of loss, sadness, and pain.
I first shared this earlier today via my May Newsletter, but given today’s experiences and some messages I received, I felt guided to post it tonight here.
It felt very vulnerable in sharing it and still does, but here it is.
So many are experiencing some very heavy and intense things right now, which includes the physical transition of loved ones in both human and animal form.
I just wanted to extend my heart to each of you, in complete understanding of the tremendous ache, emptiness, ripping of the heart, and what seems like an unrelenting challenge this can leave you with.
I know that nothing right now will ease the pain, as that is something only time can do.
And to that I can only say to allow yourself to mourn, to feel, reach out to others, and be gentle with yourself, just as your loved ones were with you, as they want you only to remember and embody the love.
These shifts are not to intentionally hurt, as there are far-reaching reasons our human emotions can’t wrap around at present, but in many cases can be to actually assist in your growth and shifts your loved ones can see before you do. It is one way in which our loved ones make the ultimate loving sacrifice to ever-gift us, even when it appears to be the cruelest form of infliction.
It is also a way for us to deepen our compassion and to truly honor the journey each soul has to take.
There’s not a day goes by that I don’t miss my beautiful Nestor.
As time went on I felt her true and lasting presence in my heart deepen. That’s the timeless place I can go to merge with her, as this feeling, that kind of love, is nothing that can be taken away and it increasingly grows day to day.
And it is that expansive love that dwells within, which enables me to see and feel her presence reflected in every thing around me, and to recognize the continuous and unexpected gifts she bestows upon me.
Life is fragile and all we can do is live and love as fully as possible every moment.
Your beloveds have received and given that kind of all-encompassing and unconditional love from, and to you, and while their physical presence moves on into eternal expansion, none of that is ever lost or taken away. That is the preciousness that remains, long after they move on.
Sending love to you all and wishing you much peace to your hearts.
Today is a special day I commemorate with love and honor of the being that has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, alchemy, magick, authenticity, and reminds me daily of my chosen path. Nestor, aka Nestie (as she embodies both Divine Male and Female), transitioned 5 years ago today. The number 5 has always been an auspicious and potent number between the two of us, and so this year-mark seems poignant.
You’ve heard me share much about Nestor in many a blog, so today I just want to share how life transitions carry with them a powerfully beautiful message, despite how painfully tormenting it can be to the human heart when it takes place unexpectedly.
In the moments she released from this Earth plane, she gave out a cry that simultaneously embodied the pain and the joy of that transition. “Pain” in that breaking from the 3-D world and how that feels in physical release, as well as pain for the totality of leaving behind an experience she so cherished with me and the pleasures of Earthly gifts.
And “Joy” in that release into the expansive, boundless, and powerful experience of the Universal being she truly is where she is free to do so much more service than she was able to do in a tiny restricted body, can be with me where ever I am, and she can travel the Universe to continue her beautiful integrative work for the collective.
In her duality of pain and joy experience, I came to “live” the experience of how the two exist simultaneously, bringing my studies of duality and integration, and the idea of “no boundaries” nor judgments, into full flesh knowingness.
And for me, it is through the greatest pain I have ever, and likely will ever, experience – my twin soul released from this plane of existence – I have been able to find what she always wanted for me – the heart of Me.
In place of my shattered heart, birthed a new one that continues to blossom infinitely. Where she experienced a “death,” I was reborn. And this is the natural cycle of All That Is. Destruction and creation are one in the same and not wrong or right. They simply ARE and through the darkest of experiences, there will always be light.
When your experience becomes thickly enveloped and you feel you are clamoring around, lost, beaten, scared, and reaching and straining your eyes to try to see, this is the time to stand naked and raw amidst this black ocean so that the liquid light of your heart can shine from within. It will then soon permeate into the fluidity and guide you from your core, bringing the wisdom to understand and transcend the limited perspectives that only serve the feeding of fears.
Although you can’t see her, Nestor is ever-present beside me and within me, and together we continue our heart mission, unified.
I know many of you are going through “dark night of the soul” experiences and have lost loved ones and feel there is no hope. We each have our own experiences of things like this and it is relative to each, but I can say, having been through my own years, in this life, of torment, pains, confusions, loneliness, loss, endless emotional cycling, challenges…that you can create that peace and you can come to trust, hope, love, and refuel passions in greater, more expansive ways than you ever imagined.
Part of it has to do with be willing to let go, surrender, and allow yourself to receive and open to the possibility that joy DOES live on the opposite side of the same pain coin you are holding. We have the ability to flip the coin when we are ready to say yes.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you. ~Rumi
The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it’s been broken into a million pieces. ~Robert James Waller
As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course. ~Martin Luther King Jr.
There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness. ~Pearl S. Buck
Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us. ~David Richo
What happens when people open their hearts?…They get better. ~Haruki Murakami