Today is a special day I commemorate with love and honor of the being that has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, alchemy, magick, authenticity, and reminds me daily of my chosen path. Nestor, aka Nestie (as she embodies both Divine Male and Female), transitioned 5 years ago today. The number 5 has always been an auspicious and potent number between the two of us, and so this year-mark seems poignant.
You’ve heard me share much about Nestor in many a blog, so today I just want to share how life transitions carry with them a powerfully beautiful message, despite how painfully tormenting it can be to the human heart when it takes place unexpectedly.
In the moments she released from this Earth plane, she gave out a cry that simultaneously embodied the pain and the joy of that transition. “Pain” in that breaking from the 3-D world and how that feels in physical release, as well as pain for the totality of leaving behind an experience she so cherished with me and the pleasures of Earthly gifts.
And “Joy” in that release into the expansive, boundless, and powerful experience of the Universal being she truly is where she is free to do so much more service than she was able to do in a tiny restricted body, can be with me where ever I am, and she can travel the Universe to continue her beautiful integrative work for the collective.
In her duality of pain and joy experience, I came to “live” the experience of how the two exist simultaneously, bringing my studies of duality and integration, and the idea of “no boundaries” nor judgments, into full flesh knowingness.
And for me, it is through the greatest pain I have ever, and likely will ever, experience – my twin soul released from this plane of existence – I have been able to find what she always wanted for me – the heart of Me.
In place of my shattered heart, birthed a new one that continues to blossom infinitely. Where she experienced a “death,” I was reborn. And this is the natural cycle of All That Is. Destruction and creation are one in the same and not wrong or right. They simply ARE and through the darkest of experiences, there will always be light.
When your experience becomes thickly enveloped and you feel you are clamoring around, lost, beaten, scared, and reaching and straining your eyes to try to see, this is the time to stand naked and raw amidst this black ocean so that the liquid light of your heart can shine from within. It will then soon permeate into the fluidity and guide you from your core, bringing the wisdom to understand and transcend the limited perspectives that only serve the feeding of fears.
Although you can’t see her, Nestor is ever-present beside me and within me, and together we continue our heart mission, unified.
I know many of you are going through “dark night of the soul” experiences and have lost loved ones and feel there is no hope. We each have our own experiences of things like this and it is relative to each, but I can say, having been through my own years, in this life, of torment, pains, confusions, loneliness, loss, endless emotional cycling, challenges…that you can create that peace and you can come to trust, hope, love, and refuel passions in greater, more expansive ways than you ever imagined.
Part of it has to do with be willing to let go, surrender, and allow yourself to receive and open to the possibility that joy DOES live on the opposite side of the same pain coin you are holding. We have the ability to flip the coin when we are ready to say yes.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you. ~Rumi
The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it’s been broken into a million pieces. ~Robert James Waller
As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course. ~Martin Luther King Jr.
There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness. ~Pearl S. Buck
Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us. ~David Richo
What happens when people open their hearts?…They get better. ~Haruki Murakami