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Support & Perspective for Those of You Have Chosen a Different Way

I don’t get involved in the energetic dynamics at work in the world right now like others do, remaining mostly silent in words but loud in frequency, and that might be judged by some, thought to be a misuse of my freedoms, completely denied as valid to how I go about things, or simply that I’m crazy and ignorant. To all of that I smile and hold my position even stronger. I don’t attempt to hold answers, nor to judge others for their own positions. And mostly I find myself working with energy when others engage their conversations, or may present questions to invite curiosity, which engages the creative powers and activates something deeper and latent within.

Today two interesting posts popped up that I feel guided to combine some pieces of the shares and my comments on, in case anyone has interest in “some” of my perspective or feels similar and unsure of themselves, their own choices’ value, or feel alone out there in the Middle and Void.

I’ll begin with an interesting observation that I’ve linked in direct manifestation to things, which I’ve been seeing since yesterday morning. We live way high up at the top of the mountain and so the perspective here offers amazing reflections.

I shared on Facebook yesterday and this morning about a very interesting veil of clouds that has been here since yesterday morning and feels symbolically reflective for sure. I shared about it along with photos of the clouds and the volcanic sunset before they arrived, and the surreal almost neon sky here last evening.

This is what I shared this morning in reflection:

“Wow, incredibly the cloud veil that began yesterday morning covering all of Lake Tahoe and the lower basin area still remains this morning without a budge. The only shift was mid-day yesterday when it started to rise up a bit creating what looked like a perfect wall or screen…then it went back down. and all through the night last night, once the stars came out, the cloud veil was lit up without any light source, as if like star glow and cosmic phosphorescence was emanating from it. So mysterious! Being way up here to witness it is amazing and creates like two worlds. It’s like the lake is incubating and morphing below that veil. Also interesting that the deep waters are below the cloud coverage, as if asking one to look beyond all illusions and reach courageously into one’s depths to the core. Truly nothing is as it seems…it’s not what you see on the surface. Let’s find the strength and vulnerability to go within and understand the truth of what we’re being presented that gives rise to so much immediate reaction. Let’s find our center so we can respond from a place of greater understanding and peace.”

Interestingly Laura posted a blog article today mentioning “looking beyond the veil” and about taking “conscious empowered action” toward the world you want to create.

My comment there not only addresses the current scene people are focused on right now, but truly is intended as a bigger picture life perspective of working with opposites, triggers, and creating the new, as I never just focus on one detail taking place, but a bigger picture symbolism for things playing out.

Some of my comment included this below, along with sharing about the cloud veil I already posted above:

“Nearly everyone I know I’ve found to be divided and taking sides, others confused how to hold their energy that don’t want to be on either side and that see beyond both, and those taking stands with others to be a part of things…but what I haven’t seen is consistency with those desires for change carried through in life aside from moments of joining the group or getting triggered, as in fueling the energy in really effective ways or anyone out there providing constructive ideas and channels for people to fuel their rage and passions so it doesn’t turn into Civil War or worse…all very interesting and for myself, I am compelled to keep consistently firm in my position no matter what people think of me or not understanding the steps I’m taking because they don’t look like their idea of taking a stand.”

Her response:

“I agree, that veil of clouds is highly symbolic. I also this morning kept hearing “The Cloud of Unknowing,” which is the title of a Medieval Christian mystic text. Wikipedia summarizes the main gist this way:

“The underlying message of this work suggests that the way to know God is to abandon consideration of God’s particular activities and attributes, and be courageous enough to surrender one’s mind and ego to the realm of ‘unknowing,’ at which point one may begin to glimpse the nature of God.”

Given all the external focus on division among different religions and again, the provocations to war from BOTH sides, this seems like a wise time to step back, get quiet, clear the field of any and all interference, and reconnect with Spirit. When in doubt, choose peace. At least until you’re sure something is worth fighting for…”

And earlier this morning I received notification that someone liked a comment of mine synchronously “out of the blue” from an old post of Laura’s from 2014 titled Integration Lifetimes and the Splitting of the Worlds – one of my favorites of hers and SO reflective and synchronous with all of this.

Not only does it describe how we all have different paths and focuses in this life, but shares how each way we are called to “rise to action” will also be different. Not to mention the subject matter of separation and integration being so timely for now as well.

I didn’t know until she posted that blog that she’d used one of my own ways of working with the Shadow as one example. And so for those of you who think there is just one way, or may not understand how I am taking my own very deliberate and challenging path with this, here’s what she shared, which includes some perspectives beyond just my own experience that you may find valuable for these times:

“Healing for those on an Integration Lifetime is not so much about removal, as it is about conscious Creation. Sometimes Creation involves a carving away — like sculpting — but that carving away does not become an end in itself. Rather, the carving away exists as a step, perhaps many, many steps, in service to a greater vision, inspiration and spontaneous engagement with the material. Carving reveals Shadows, as greater depth encourages the play of light and dark, but the whole of Creation eventually reveals itself as far more than the sum of its individual cuts. An artist adds something with each taking away, infusing the Creation with life force energy until that Creation can hold its own.

I believe the third option of which Inelia speaks has begun to hint at its arrival, because enough people on Integration Lifetimes have come far enough on their individual journeys to open space for something beyond the Void. Old tugs to the familiar remain, but continued Shadow Work coupled with active, conscious Creation in both the imagination and in tangible ways — will continue to gestate this new option until the birthing time.

Different people engage Shadows in different ways. My dear friend and sweet faery twin, Tania Marie prefers not to work as an activist exposing wrongs or fighting for rights, but she’s got a body full of extremely potent, powerful, deliberate, beautiful and what some people have even called “scary” tattoos. She’s got a dragon, snakes, and jaguars, occult symbols, Moon goddesses, and ancient languages all in black, black, black ink all over her body. That’s a lot of intensity, money and pain, which she wears in indelible ink as an unapologetic reclamation of the power, Shadow projections, and often corrupted goodness attached to all these things. Embodying the Shadow literally on her body allows Tania to live her life with innocence and childlike wonder while still honoring the vastness and power of her being. Her book, Spiritual Skin, helps others to explore a similar path.

Tattoos are widely popular right now, but not for everyone. Some people invoke and integrate their Shadows by embracing whatever taboos have most defined their lives. Others move through various Archetypes and roles. Others attract life threatening illness or injury, which makes them reconcile with their own mortality. Since we all die at some point, this last version of Shadow Work opens itself to everyone — even those not on a full Integration Lifetime. Inelia has noted that “Gaia (Earth/Terra) has actively been pushing for a physical separation that is done through time, three generations, and is trauma free and gentle.” Those on Integration Lifetimes tend to feel deeply connected to Terra and tend to be the ones walking a fine line with awareness of this unsustainable civilization and way of life crumbling to its core (scary Shadow stuff!) and the joy, freedom and excitement of creating and welcoming the new.

As more and more Integration Lifetime folks move through their own process of dis-integration and learning to accept the Void, the human frequency on this planet continues to rise and offer encouragement for entirely new ways of being. We can reclaim the best of the old and the new, while consciously finding ways to integrate the pain, darkness and fear boiling to the surface of collective consensus reality. Energy adepts know that energy is energy, so we can mitigate the need for drastic physical events like pandemics and devastating tsunamis by exploring their energy signatures and finding different ways to rearrange and morph the energy. Kind of like radical feng shui!

Those who’ve already journeyed through the Void might find their skills and experiences increasingly welcomed as we redecorate and remodel reality, as the awakening masses begin to ask, “OK, we see it, but what the heck are we supposed to do with all this stuff????” The splitting of the worlds option gets rid of it, along with a whole lot of the material world. The integration option might involve some decluttering, but it doesn’t necessarily mean gutting. Think “re-purposing” or making art from junk, beauty from the discordant, healing from pain. The collective has not decided on a path yet, but individuals will each make their own choice. Collective consensus reality just means the tipping point of people with relatively aligned choices. If you suspect you’re on an Integration Lifetime and have been hammering the “positive” button, I’d simply encourage you to use this time delay to make sure you won’t be bored with your selection. Red pill, blue pill. Why take any pill? Or maybe you want a purple one. Maybe you want a world beyond pills.

Collectively, we’re in the Void right now, which means we wait. We can drive ourselves crazy with the waiting game, or we can use the extra linear time to explore and begin to create all sorts of worlds before we fully move into the new. You know what they say: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, but today’s a gift. That’s why they call it ‘the present.’”

Timely then and timely now….and that Void she speaks of is right in front of me as I share this, with this huge cloud veil still covering the entire lower Tahoe basin area from where I sit.

Part of my response to Laura’s post, which someone liked today, included this:

“I know this is so true for me, as I have no desire to, or can’t engage in, many of the things that I see others around me getting so much out of in their own lives. I know that it is perfect for them, but it doesn’t feel aligned with or right for me and leaves me hugely unsatisfied and gaining nothing from it. That’s why people are surprised to learn that I don’t engage in certain things they would “think” I should be, based on ideas of what people have about a certain way of being. I’ve carved out a way and things that work for me and I’m not afraid to be different since I know its for the highest good to follow my intuition.

Remember, you are not someone else. So choose accordingly to your vibrational frequency.”

For anyone who thinks that my choice of action is an easy out, cowardly, etc…..I thank you for your opinion and don’t wish upon you to go through what I do and have, but as with anything, until we’ve walked in someone’s footsteps and tried on their “skin” for a while, these remain as one perspective judgment, rather than truth.

I share this post because I receive A LOT of messages all the time from people/clients/friends wanting advice, are confused, feeling helpless, invalidated, doubting themselves, and wondering about how I handle things, how I address people if they ask me questions (which never happens except rarely with family and those closest to me), what I’m doing in my own life to work with the energies, and simply wanting to understand something that, for empaths especially, can be all too distressing and in some cases debilitating to feel in the middle.

You are not alone. You matter. Your choices are valuable and needed. Trust what’s in your heart. Your position and consistent action in your life of embodying it, IS creating change.

With Love and Creative Magick

November Thoughts ~ Becoming a Butterfly


Photo I captured of an enchanting butterfly in Key West


Wow, I received such a deeply touching and beautiful outpouring of messages from so many people yesterday that receive my monthly updates via newsletter on this month’s share, that I felt guided to post it here for those of you that follow along via blog solely and don’t receive my newsletter. It seems I touched a chord with a lot of souls that shared in the experience of what I was inspired to write about my own.

I’m really grateful for all of the beautiful expressions shared with me, the loving support, and the amazingly courageous hearts you are all embracing on your own journeys.

Below you’ll find the introductory thoughts to November’s newsletter. If you would like to receive these monthly, you can sign up here: Newsletter


We’re already almost a week into November.

The eternal moment is continuously catching up to us.

It has never been more evident to me how time simply does not exist in any way that might have at once felt comforting to try to measure.

Although I might speak about past, present, and future, it is merely to help demonstrate an understanding of things in a more collectively accepted way.

That said, it is not my way.

Nor are many things.

What is my way?

This is an important question I find myself always asking, and increasingly at present.

How about you?

I am often checking in with who I am right now, what I want, what is of value to me, what I can’t live without, what my heart is sharing and wants me to hear, where this all leads, and what I must do to remain true and reflect the things most soulfully vital and dear to my essence that I know.

It is often a solo journey that takes multi-dimensional twists, sometimes dark, many times scary, can be quite challenging and take time to explore with integrity, is mixed with pains and joys, and yet is the most enriching experience I know…that of knowing and loving myself fully.

As all things change, so must I, but the way in which I shift is simply in reflection to who I most am that I’ve learned in that moment to release and accept into being.

Every day someone new may seem to emerge from the self-imposed cocoon, but at the core it is always just me…perhaps someone you haven’t yet known because she reveals herself like a slowly unfolding blossom, with each new layer discovered.

And every moment I have the ability to decide to become a butterfly, again and again.

Sometimes that takes me on a journey through the void, like now, where faith, trust, courage, and strength are the only friends I may commune with in order to cultivate soul preservation and truest reflections of responsible service, collectively.hope for the flowers

One of my favorite books, so happens to be one that my dear friend, Cliff, who recently transitioned, had gifted me. It is titled, “Hope for the Flowers.”

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am, and always will be a child at heart. I find enchantment in all things, especially the uncomplicated and pure, and this book I feel so beautifully speaks to the fundamentals we face in discovering what is truly of value in life in the most simple of ways anyone can grasp, without need for fancy words, hidden meanings, and challenging concepts.

One of my favorite passages is this:


“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively.

“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

“You mean to die?” asked Yellow, remembering the three who fell out of the sky.

“Yes and No,” he answered. “What looks like you will die but what’s really you will still live. Life is changed, not taken away. Isn’t that different from those who die without ever becoming butterflies?”

“And if I decide to become a butterfly,” said Yellow hesitantly. “What do I do?”

“Watch me. I’m making a cocoon. It looks like I’m hiding, I know, but a cocoon is no escape. It’s an in-between house where the change takes place. It’s a big step since you can never return to caterpillar life. During the change, it will seem to you or to anyone who might peek that nothing is happening – but the butterfly is already becoming. It just takes time! And there’s something else! Once you are a butterfly, you can really love – the kind of love that makes new life. It’s better than all the hugging caterpillars can do.”


Do you find yourself in the void, cocooning, and in process of emerging anew? If so, you are definitely not alone.

While the holiday season is fast approaching, and thoughts turn to the hustle and bustle of parties, gifts, friends, family, and gatherings…creating anxiety or short-tempered stress to do it all right and to provide what we think abundance means, perhaps it’s a time to approach the season in a new way.

A way that honors who you are and the lasting values and innate abundance already available in the love of your heart.

Love yourself and all others as the reflection of that love, responding to others as you would want, and have wished, to be responded to.

It’s not the “things” in life that make it worth living. It’s not what we “need” from others that creates lasting wholeness. It’s the love for your life and all that you are, that is what brought you here in the first place and will create the experiences you most cherish.

In Love and Creative Magick


Reverence for the Void

I had a feeling I had once posted a song that has been playing in my head so much recently and that I’ve been playing much in the last couple of days, as it so perfectly reflects how I feel. And in fact I had shared it, in the blog I am now reposting.

When I read this share of mine again this morning, I realized how synchronously it aligns with the space I am moving through again, and my guess is, likely what others are as well, currently.

So, it is no wonder this song has been lingering for me and that it led me to these words I once expressed, last year…almost exactly a year ago, in fact. Cycles indeed spiral around. 🙂

Life is a continuous journey of layered emotional and soulful seasons, and the more we can naturally embrace and flow with them, the easier and more gracefully we can experience life.

Tania Marie

england stone circle Photo I took at Avebury stone circle in England

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ~C. JoyBell C.

Like many of you (I sense), I have been experiencing the beautiful, mysterious, powerful, transmutational void – again. And yet, while it is all of these things and more, it can to many be unnerving, confusing, challenging, debilitating, disillusioning, disappointing, and even…

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Tibet deleted

I love this post by Jon Rappoport on “creation” and “destruction” – very powerful. I had recently, and synchronously, watched a documentary sharing on the Tibetan monks creating their complex sand painting mandalas, and had pondered the meanings behind the process. I feel Jon wonderfully describes the symbolism. Hope you find his article liberating.

Reverence for the Void

england stone circle

Photo I took at Avebury stone circle in England

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ~C. JoyBell C.

Like many of you (I sense), I have been experiencing the beautiful, mysterious, powerful, transmutational void – again. And yet, while it is all of these things and more, it can to many be unnerving, confusing, challenging, debilitating, disillusioning, disappointing, and even downright knock-you-off-your-feet scary.

Luckily, I’ve come to understand how this time in the “gray” area is rich with possibilities. So while it can at first shift my energy into feeling off-balance and temporarily halted, I have learned that if I just trust and embrace the flight down the rabbit hole even though I can’t see a thing, I will soon find my inner world doing a 180 and the entry point becomes the exit point of the same tunnel, down turns into up, below becomes above. Within the tunnel it’s as if I become the mad scientist concocting energetic kaleidoscopes of alchemical creations until these percolating energies universally align just right, becoming the jet propulsion that ejects me several leaps beyond where I was upon entering.

That was my creative perspective on the process, but in simple terms, the void is a time where much growth is taking place. It is the place we can find most empowerment by embracing peace within seeming chaos. It is the catalyst for renewal and creation. And it is a time where all that we’ve known and were doing needs to be let go of, fears faced, old released, grieving to flow, and deeper trust cultivated, so your new actions become empowered and stabilized.

It’s a natural cycle of life to move in and out of that has the capability of supporting exponential growth.

I know that it can feel icky, depressive, hopeless, and as mentioned, even scary, but part of the reason you can get stuck in these feelings, or things can get worse than they need to, is that you start to attach to the temporary states of flow, hence blocking them, rather than letting them run their course.

If you can learn to love the void and realize the beauty of its presence at this time in your life, you can journey through it much more gracefully and quickly. Honor how you are feeling, do things that keep you balanced and recharged, and LISTEN to what your body, intuition, emotions are telling you. It’s not a time to make rash decisions or attach to anything just yet, as likely you have tons of brainstorming ideas that are just bubbling about. This is just your creative energy flowing. You can explore each of the ideas with your imagination, riding them out in “theory” to see how they feel, but realize that until you’ve fully moved through complete release and “nothingness” will you be clear enough to make a wise decision. Likely it will be staring you in the eye, rather than you desperately and forcibly searching with dying-battery flashlight in the abyss.

So yes, for me everything has been fantastically up in the air for the last few weeks with transitions abound. But because I allowed whatever ickiness wanted to have its way with me, realizing it was just temporary and not defining of my permanent experience, nor says any more or less about me if I get low for a while, I’m now emerging with more expansiveness. It’s been like being in a cocoon while I make sure all parts of me have fully transmuted (because you want to make sure your wings are fully formed for this latest journey or you won’t be able to take off and fly right?) and now having one antennae broken through to the surface and feeling the light of what I held in my heart through the temporary discomforts.

There is still some incubating to ensure my wings aren’t wet, broken, or too small when I do finally get the full green light to go, but right now I’m being very grateful for this gift I/we give to ourselves in order to make the most out of our experiences. What we do with the void is up to each of us. You can deny it, fight it, and scream and kick the whole way. You can allow yourself to be defeated and experience continuous challenge. But you can also just relinquish and realize the strength in doing so. Realize your human resiliency and love these times to balance yourself with perhaps more time reflecting, in solitude, taking care of yourself and your needs, and nurturing repressed/denied dreams.

Whether you fight or embrace, eventually you’ll still get to the same point – one way through inevitable exhaustion and the other through empowered choice.

I love that beautiful and potent void seed right now that is taking place for many, as we align to the matching frequencies of our current experience. In the process, you may find much loosening up and falling away in terms of relationships, friends, situations, work, where you live, etc. None of this is wrong, bad, or to be judged. It’s just a natural process of aligning with resonating frequencies, as each of us takes a new step on our paths. At every turn there will be tough choices, but they will also be the most enriching. You can’t please everyone, nor are you meant to. You have a responsibility to you and an integrity to your truth, and inevitably this is for the highest good because this in turn provides the opportunity for all others around you to do the same.

This is love manifest. It is not selfishness, if done with purity of heart for the highest good always.

And with responsibility comes personal action. Sitting back blindly, deliberately avoiding, or without conscious awareness might be considered irresponsible choice that defies your decision to incarnate.

However, at times there is also conscious non-action…or the action of non-action. This is a form of deliberate non-action for a reason and brings you into an effortless alignment with the ebb and flow of natural rhythms. In this case, you are very awake, in tune, and flowing without even trying, which creates a natural response and ability to be with any experience. You would instinctively know how to “be” with the void when it is needed and cycles around, and you would know when to ride the next wave that helps you emerge from it.

While you may not be taking outward action during the void, I assure you that much is taking place and that the void is meant to enhance actions you will take once you have journeyed through it. It isn’t called the “void of creation” for nothing. 🙂 What you create is a decision and a choice.

I love not knowing anymore and the possibilities of the adventure I have the ability to create each moment. I know that can be hard for many around me to grasp, as to why I change so much, but I have no one to explain to. We cannot satisfy other people’s fears except to move through our own.

This is huge for me, as I used to be a person wanting so much to control the things in my life. But it was the times throughout my life where I relinquished that and fully dove in with only the wisdom of my faith, that I experienced the most joy and fulfillment. And then I learned to do this on a regular, natural basis, with the added wisdom gained from coming to understand my processes and how I operate. This I have found key…to be an observer of your process and learn the nooks and crannies of your mental and emotional environment and how you maneuver, self-sabotage, hide, and ultimately avoid yourself. Then, gently undoing what you’ve been doing and reteaching yourself who you really are outside of your ingenious tricks. 😉

I’m not chasing anything and find the greatest magick in learning how to tap into the limitless, formless, eternal me, while funneling that through inspired blips of frequency alignments that take place when I am softened into that totality.

Sometimes it is just too challenging to explain things because it truly to me is about an “experience”. I understand the “need” we have to know things, but the formless for me, doesn’t need to be explained. Sometimes no beliefs can be more powerful than so-called “good” beliefs. Why? Because there are no limits then.

A fun and expanding exercise can be to loosen and soften yourself to just “pure” direct experience each moment and suspend judgment. Challenge yourself to live outside of the defined box you’ve created for yourself, others, and even for what you may call the “Divine” or Universe. Something is real because you experience it. You don’t need anyone telling you that the Sun or Moon are real and that they are always there each day and night, do you? So how many times does something need to happen before it becomes just as real and normal to you? Things don’t have to happen in some big dramatic, flash of “wow” experience to be any more or less real.

ashes and snow

Ashes and Snow

And when you are in stillness and silence, by conscious will you access the void of creation – that mysterious nothingness that came before something, but ceases to exist and always is. Living and experiencing is what I find most important and this includes going through all levels of experience and dipping in and out of the void.

Taking responsible action in direct relation to your chosen role and path is part of experiencing and comes directly after your journeying the void. I have seen many people who continually self-induce the void because they prefer the knowing discomfort of this place, rather than take an out-of-comfort-zone action to move forward in ways that will benefit not only themselves, but the greater good.

So if you find yourself in a down-dipping space, or even just feel leveled out on a plateau and can’t see how you’re getting out of where you are or what’s next, try your best to just take that time to rest, be at peace within the chaos, listen deeply, and tell yourself you are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing always and you will experience the result of this sooner, rather than later.

Evolution and expansion is an inevitable and consistent part of your human journey. It baffles me why we think we can avoid this and try so hard not to experience the brief growing pains, but rather enjoy the temporary, delusional sustainment of known discomfort. Many seem to prefer to continue to self-medicate or keep drugged up on all kinds of substances, rather than brave the withdrawals into empowered authenticity.

You will continue to expand again and again, as soon as, and each time, you learn to master the environment of experience you find yourself currently in. Assimilation and integration will be the strength of your wings to fly higher and farther.

Over my life, I have developed a deep respect for the void. Just as much as I respect my choice to be a human being, alive and creating.

And this song below by David Tolk (a favorite of mine) titled, “In Reverence” is to me such a perfect energetic reflection of what the void feels like to me.

When I listen to it, it brings up so many mixed feelings all at once that are both filled with despair and hope. And that is the beauty of the void. It is nothing and everything.

To me, the song reflects a long, emotionally exhausting, but immeasurable journey, the grieving of what once was, and remembrance and reverence for the perfection of all that came before leading you to this now moment.

You then turn around and face the door of this old house you’ve lived in for so long, lock the door taking with you all that you’ve learned that is of value, and with all hope and faith mustered from within, you walk down the unknown path. You then reach bravely for the doorknob of the new house before you, open, and walk through with deliberate steps into a new, more expansive world you have chosen to experience instead.

You then feel the warmth illuminate your heart, as the door closes behind and immeasurable inspiration and joy bursts from the same tears that once were shed in grief, but now rejoice.

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