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Rewriting A New Ending ~ Deepening a New Beginning
Dream posts continue, as this was another meaningful dream I felt compelled to share now that I’ve had time with it for myself. The day after my dream I posted yesterday about the two blue snakes and gila monster, as you might recall was the day “The Tree Beckoned and I Followed.” Well, after that experience in finding the presence of orbs all around me inside the tree portal (appearing like I’d stepped inside the Cosmos) that night I had another potent and healing dream that brought full circle a gift from my beloved rabbit, Joy, who has also been showing up so profoundly lately.
Synchronously, this was also the night of the marches collectively taking place.
Since many of you so sweetly sent messages and love about Joy when she transitioned and have followed along with my bunny love’s journeys, I thought this might be not only conclusive as a companion piece to my share about Joy’s last moments and days on Earth in the physical I wrote and spoke about extensively in this post “In Life & Death, “Joy” Is Always There,” but may also be supportive to others who have experienced loss of their beloved animal companions and loved ones in demonstrating the eternal connection that does not end and how we are continually being supported by the connection shared.
In my dream on Saturday 1/21, Joy was with me and she had taken ill, just like in the end before she left in waking life. The odd thing was that her tail came off in the dream and it was very large – much larger than normal size. It literally broke off on its own, but perfectly. I could see all of the tiny bones and ligaments that connect it to her bum, but where it broke off was so clean and precise, without blood or any signs of injury. This indicates to me a sense of no suffering being experienced on her “end” and a clean “ending” and healing closure at the “tail end” of this experience. The tail being so large and furry feels to be definitive in this closure and the “end of an era” again reiterated for me, balance being restored, and that I’m using intuition, creativity, and wisdom in my life more than ever and this will be increasing.
Although rabbit’s feet are connected to “lucky charms,” the tail may also be considered as such since there is connection with rabbit’s tails as their way of escaping predators with the white flash of the tail confusing them as to their exact location when in pursuit.
I also feel this symbolism she showed me is directly connected to my book, but that’s for me to understand the connection, although I will say that direct healing is involved on many levels with its unfolding.
But back to the dream….
I then notice her feet, especially the left one, and they look exactly like Fiver’s – the mouse that I nurtured recently.
These mouse feet were only on her back legs, just like Fiver’s back legs were the only part of him that showed signs of his injury from the impact to that area and lower back.
That left leg on her was completely limp, red, bruised. I remember one spot on Fiver’s leg had a bruised, red area, so again tied in with him.
Then in the dream she comes and lays on me, as I comfort her and caress her.
In the dream I start calling around to vets to get her in (just as I did in waking life when she took ill), but I get the sense she won’t make it in time to get there. In real life, she had just made it to the ER after a long over an hour’s drive and then passed not long after I left her in the doctor’s care to monitor over night, at her request.
So, now in the dream I am aware she won’t make it and I will just be with her to help her transition peacefully, just like I was there for Fiver.
She is in my arms and then suddenly she lets out a little cry, followed by one last big breath and I know she is leaving her body with that.
Nestor had let out a piercing, excruciating cry when she left this Earth, but this was different….it was soft and although rabbit’s only cry when in pain, it was an indication of release rather than suffering to me and not as tormenting to experience as Nestor’s was.
(BTW, this is how she actually transitioned when I left her at the ER, as the doctor shared this with me when she called to tell me that she let out a soft cry and took a big breath and went.)
I then rub her head softly, as she lays in my arms and tell her over and over that I love her, wanting that to be the last thing she hears before she completely goes and slowly her heart and breathing wind down to nothing.
I’m sobbing in the dream and at this point can feel my half wake state in real life and know and can hear me wimpering in real life too.
Although emotional, it was a gentle experience and was not at all a dream, but completely a reality she and I were sharing for a purpose and rewriting the end together.
I felt that she was connecting me to understand a deeper healing than I may have been aware of that I had through Fiver.
Perhaps wanting me to know she had projected a part of herself in Fiver when he had come to me, or that he had been sent to me by her, as a way for me to experience this healing with him through her.
This may include being there with her at the very end when she transitioned, since I was not when she passed, as I had left her at the ER by her choice in not wanting me to have to go through that experience.
Although I knew she wanted that and maybe thought I was not ready yet for this, I felt like I wished I’d been there. Maybe her seeing how I handled Cosmo’ passing, made her now know I was ready and she gifted me this experience in “dream” time and with Fiver, so I could relive being there with her.
And she gifted it in a gentle, beautiful way.
Even the way that Fiver jumped on the crystal when he transitioned, like blasting off into the Cosmos, could have been a sign of connection with her since Joy was so connected to crystals herself and always layed with them and had their points jutting into her body to receive their energy, working with gridding our homes and journeying with them.
This dream, as they all are to me, was very “real time”. And I did feel this sense of deepening closure and peace knowing I supported her this way and that I was strong enough now to keep going through these kinds of experiences in supporting these sweet souls in their transitions.
And afterall, Joy is a cosmic traveler, shape shifter, and portal journeyer. You might recall that she and Nestor showed up in Glacier National Park as the two cosmic deer on the day I spread their ashes, from this post: Spreading Ashes, Spreading Joy ~ Cosmic Encounters & Sacred Connections
So connecting with Fiver is not far from reach for her either. 😉 And creating timeline jumps for us to relive/recreate what “is” would be right up her alley too. I love how she changed the “ending” and that I could be with her.
Quick side note and speaking of Nestor, the day after that dream we headed down the stairs from our place and the crew was there shoveling the snow as they do and one guy says to the other to alert him we were coming up behind him since he was busy shoveling and didn’t see us, “Watch out Nestor.” I smiled so big knowing my sweet Nestor was wanting to chime in too with reiteration to the dream connections.
And to add to the timings and synchronicity, another tie-in with Joy took place just a couple of days before my dream of her. I received a voicemail message from the doctor in Jackson, Wyoming who did her surgery. The story line of this is included in the above post on her transition.
He was such an angel, who came in on his day off to do this, talked to me on the phone, provided me his personal number and went above and beyond in helping her/me.
A little rewind…..about a month or a few weeks after Joy passed I’d sent him a plant with a nice thank you note just wanting to acknowledge how grateful I was for everything that he’d done for us. He even called me the night she transitioned after talking with the ER doctor that night (late I might add) to give her background right before she passed.
I actually never heard from him after I sent the thank you gift, so I wasn’t sure if he got it, but figured that our crossing of paths was complete.
Then 6 months later he calls and in his message says he just wanted to say hello, was thinking of me, thanked me for the nice plant and thoughtful card…and told me whenever I had time to give him a call to talk because he had felt such a good vibe from me and really connected with me, so he wanted to see how I was.
I was so touched and it felt like Joy’s way of starting to get the ball rolling with her plan of recreating the “end”.
And then back to the day at the tree portal, right before that night’s dream, I now was able to connect the dots and that this portal was activating the opening to this experience Joy was setting up for me to rewrite “history” and I feel that larger orb above me was her.
What an experience and how gracious and loving Joy is to gift me this one thing I had wished.
There are no limitations to our connections, eternal love and bonds, and what is possible.
I feel a greater lightness and deepening of my love with her and my loves, and gratitude for her gifts in knowing what would be perfect for my journey and moving forward with my work.
Messages & Gifts Closing Out My 2016

Yesterday I received another very loud, clear, and blaring message from my sweet rabbit and soul companion, Joy, as you can see in this photo from our hike. As we were descending the mountain, our attention was drawn to the left and there in clear letters was her name deliberately written in the snow upon a rock. Incredible.
You may remember the sign from Cosmo after his transition and messages I’ve been getting from Joy since my dream of her about a week and a half or so ago where she was getting my attention to “hear” and “listen” to something coming, which could be tangible or telepathic.
Immediately following the dream, my bunny loves have been super active in showing up with messages, gifts, and their presences, but especially so, Joy has been with very tangibly seen messages and several times with her name appearing in huge letters.
Yesterday Joy’s message showed up right after I’d spent the last five minutes deeply immersed in thinking about my bunny loves and was getting teary eyed, feeling the tug at my heart strings.
Joy’s message felt fourfold.
- I felt that she was wanting me to know how much they were with me and to feel their love and “joy” in my heart to heal any sadness present.
- I felt that she was messaging me again to keep listening, being ultra observant, and to pay attention to the signs and messages she and the others would be sending me, as something is amping up right now and something big is coming. Also, to confirm for me to keep on point with my path I’m being inspired to follow right now, as it’s being supported and channeled by them to fuel my heart.
- I felt it (and the other “Joy” signs) was confirmation of what I’d come to see about Joy in her last year or so of having truly embraced and embodied her name, which when I first got her she had been concerned she couldn’t live up to and afraid of disappointing if she couldn’t be the essence of “Joy” always. She came to own that truth of her heart, as her innocence and vulnerability WAS pure Joy always.
- And a “joy” filled appreciation for what I’ll share below.
Needless to say, I was so touched by seeing her sign and have been so grateful for my bunny loves’ constant and recently very profound presence in more heightened ways than usual.
So much so, that I’m discovering myself embodying the bunny me more than ever and everything in my life is coming up bunnies, as I’ll touch a little bit on in another post.
Gaia has been there too, but she seems to make very timely, big entrances at less frequent intervals.
But for now, as we approach the end of this year and get ready to walk through a new gateway of experience, I felt so much that alongside all that I’m focused on I really wanted to anchor in some energy (it’s 3:33 pm here as I write this part) and honor the memory of my sweet ones in a way I know they would appreciate and likely have inspired.
Each year Dave and I give to organizations to help animals. Most of the time we do it around Christmas and the New Year, but sometimes it’s been at Easter (for bunnies), and sporadically donate to different events as well at any given time. For example, I’ve donated a bunch of my paintings, prints, time and services to help raise money for animals and volunteered at a rabbit shelter as well for a while.
This year it was immediately a stand-out for us where we wanted to lend our support.
Our Christmas gift went to two non-profit organizations that were connected with both Joy and Cosmo, in honor and in memory of them and all the love they had for the bunnies they left behind, and came to know over the course of their sheltered lives, when they came home with me, and to others like them that are in need and not as fortunate as they were.
Donations provide things like food, litter, supplies, toys, and help out with vet fees for neutering/spaying, health challenges, and needed surgeries.
Joy and Cosmo are “compassion ambassadors” for rabbits and spreading awareness and education to others about rabbits, and this was a way not only to do what is in my and Dave’s hearts’ “joy” to offer in way of support, but also to continue their work through me, since we are One.
No wonder I’m becoming a rabbit more and more with these power souls channeling through me.
As our gift of compassion we donated $500 each to both SaveABunny in Northern California where Joy came from and to Bunny World Foundation in Los Angeles where Cosmo came from.
It’s one way we can help bunnies in need, bridge the rabbit/human gap, do what’s most in our hearts, show our reverence for these two ever-giving souls, a way for me to keep them alive through me, and a way to spread a little “JOY” to others via the path and role I have in this life involving rabbits.
This year has been profoundly shifting for me, which has been in large part because of the work I’ve been doing with my rabbit companions and what has come through them.
These messages and gifts in the cycle of giving and receiving mutually, have truly been a theme pervading 2016 for me and I can’t think of a more perfect way to close it out and anchor in the new.
Our Christmas Away & the Many Returns it Gifted

I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend in whatever perfect way resonated with your heart and aligned with your own beliefs and life intents. We were away to celebrate with family and even had the chance to touch in with some friends during our whirlwind weekend. And although brief, it was fully packed with beautiful experiences around every corner. It truly couldn’t have been more perfect and nurturing on many layers, not to mention confirming for me on equally varied levels.
From the moment we arrived it was nonstop enchantment and I felt so supported, as well as supporting, by and to others, as well as from the powers that be.






Our home-away-from-home Airbnb (which the kitty babies loved too) was a small creek side cottage in eclectic Topanga Canyon, which was very rustic and also quite enchanting with magickal touches like a storybook wardrobe staircase up to the cozy loft bedroom, private courtyard with hammock, outdoor couch, and sparkly lighting, a giant quartz crystal guardian at the front door atop a tree stump, skylights to see the trees and stars, original 1926 Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore illustrations (I love Eeyore and Pooh!), and other nurturing touches.


Although set back in the trees with a dirt road to walk up to it and septic and propane tanks the heating and plumbing were set up on, it was still a sweet getaway that made us feel connected to nature and back in our mountain home setting although near the big city of Los Angeles.

It was also very conveniently located to all the things we love, which enabled us to hike in Topanga Canyon State Park, stroll along the Pacific Ocean, and eat at a bunch of great vegan restaurants.
The other amazing thing was that not one bit of traffic was experienced the whole entire trip, which is unheard of in LA. We zipped along everywhere we needed/wanted to go without any challenge and quickly! And we literally were all over the place between Topanga Canyon, Santa Monica, Venice, Costa Mesa, Pomona, Pasadena, Camarillo, and Granada Hills.
We also got some things handled at our storage facility where we picked up some chairs we’d stored because we didn’t need them for our rv adventure (since it’s sold now) and put a large painting of mine in storage that was being housed/enjoyed by our friends renting our house, who will be moving on to a new home soon.
The latter helped out by my friend who had the painting since her car fit it, which enabled us to visit a little, exchange gifts with her and her children, and share some sweet moments we captured on camera.

I received such wonderful gifts this year that were so aligned with my essence – perhaps because of my being so in touch with it more than ever that people knew exactly the things that were perfect?
And apparently, I found out some more surprises are in store when I pick up the mail from our P.O. Box. Can’t wait!
It was all so unexpected, but truly filled my heart with gratitude for the welcome surprises.
Probably the sweetest Christmas gift maybe ever, though, came from my friend’s daughter when she presented me with her stuffed rabbit she sleeps with every night, named Cosmo after my bunny love.

Because she was at preschool and was heartbroken when she found out she’d miss me coming by the house to get the painting, we made a stop there to see her. Her mom told the teachers her Faery Godmother was coming, so they let her out to see me.

Anyway, she said that because he’s no longer with me she wanted me to have her Cosmo and that I have to sleep with him every night like she does and then every two months we will send it back and forth to share him together. Awww… talk about melting my heart.

She’s a magickal little Faery, as she presented it to me on 12/23 the day before my other rabbit’s birthday, named Joy, who was Cosmo’s beloved partner and in 2 months it will be 2/23 which is the 8 year anniversary that Joy came into my life. Talk about synchronous and connecting these two loves to me and each other.

I’m so grateful I had time to spend with these two sweetie pies that day and to sprinkle a little Faery gift giving to them as well.




I also had the chance to visit my beloved Garden Tower that my friend and her kids care for at our old house they have been renting for the last almost year and a half. It’s doing amazing as you can see and some of my original plants are huge and lush!! What a special gift all around!!

And the gifts kept pouring in (wow!), as you can see in some of these photos of things I received. This isn’t even all of it, but truly it they were some special and thoughtful things indeed.
…..magickal measuring cups that measure out love, beauty, grace and sparkle, Native American Herbal Remedies book, vegan cookbook and sweatshirts from Sea Shepherds, three porcelain rabbit figurines/ornaments meant to symbolize my three bunny loves, homemade nature-inspired Christmas ornaments, a snowflake blue agate display piece, a photo frame creation from the photographer and his wife who took the photo of me, Cosmo and Joy to have a keepsake, a lovely sterling silver/gold rabbit ring (interestingly Dave’s brother’s wife had gotten it for me earlier in the year but hadn’t been able to send it and then the timing at Christmas after Joy and Cosmo transitioned became the perfect timing to bond them and Nestor to me and wedding me to my loves eternally), a Navajo inspired cd of two flutists creating a haunting musical journey inside Canyon de Chelly, adobe village mugs from Mexico, natural gnome soap, Tree Tarot, and more, it’s been an unexpected Christmas for sure, but so appreciated. And all of them perfect, each in their own way speaking to a part of me and things that I love and that would nurture my life.




I also got myself a bunch of fun things, I may share in another post, as I was really feeling the need to nurture my heart after my bunny loves transitioning onward.
But truly, the best gift was the quality time spent with loved ones and the experiences that took place that touched my heart in non-tangible, but potent ways.







This to include a hike we went on where I found a sparkly pink and blue/gray stone gift from Joy, cleansing my feet in the creek of the canyon (where we found icy blue painted stones we had to walk across at one point), the waterfall, the enchanted forest we descended into, and the Mayan glyph and numeral I found etched in stone atop a cliff, which I knew because of my studies (also “happened” to be the same exact glyph in my painting of “Fire” that I had picked up from my friend’s house the day before), the red-tailed hawk that flew in front of me when I deciphered the glyph and made the connection to Joy sending me a message (big chills)!

The glyph is Ahau, which means “Sun” – the light of all life and is considered by the Maya considered as the most sacred of days. They also called it the “Day of Ancestors.” It also symbolized the “Flower”, beauty, dreams, hopes, wishes, artistic energy, transformation, light, the warrior and traveler, nature, love, and radiance. It represents artistic people who love recreating real life into their own vision of beauty (sound familiar with my personal motto of “creating life as a work of art” and how I’ve been saying I’m rebirthing and recreating myself? It also is about shining your light and embodying “I am the Sun” – more things I’ve been expressing a lot of lately too.

The glyph had the Mayan number for 13 atop it, and all encased within a Sun symbol. Numbers are Galactic Tones for the Maya and the number 13 and 20 are foundational to their astrological system.
Here’s a little insight on 13 from http://www.tokenrock.com:
“13 – Ascension, authority, intensity
The supreme deity—completion
The number thirteen, to the Maya, was a very powerful number. It represented going to the highest level of accomplishment. Those born with the number thirteen will be very good at tying up lose ends, making sure all the details of a project are in order.
Thirteen people are always interested in improving upon what they have created. Thirteen is at that point of getting ready to jump into the void to start a new cycle or project. Thirteens often have their feet in both worlds. They are at home in void, for they know that the void is that from which manifestation begins. Thirteen people are often psychics or clairvoyants. A thirteen person will always have a lot of intense experiences that they will either create or the people in their life will create for them.
Unexpected change is always part of a thirteen person’s life. For a thirteen person to be happy, they need to realize that change is a constant in their lives. They will be pleased if they can be flexible and allow new situations into their lives. Thirteens are always standing on the precipice of any area of life, ready to jump off into a new creation, or take it something already created to the next level.”
And here’s more on the significance of thirteen for the Mayas: http://www.4-ahau.com/en/The_13_Numbers.html
Joy has always been connected with the Mayan energy and sending me messages via this link that is strong for me and opened things at one point in my life to get me to where I am today. No coincidence there are some links to my writing here as well.
That’s a glimpse into that very powerful experience where I mentioned the hawk then flew by and around me when I was making this connection…feeling like the ancients and Joy were confirming through this sentinel who has been guiding the way for me daily.
And then there was the three deer that showed up at the end of the hike – Dave had walked by them and didn’t see them…another man also walked the opposite way and missed them – but me just a bit behind heard something and found the three of them munching on the fresh rained upon grass.




They let me stay so close to them, unaffected, and as if I was welcomed as one of them. If you remember, in Glacier National Park I’d come across two magickal deer, which were Nestor and Joy visiting me (Joy had just passed).
Well, now little Cosmo had joined them, as there were three. The middle, youngest one was him and he connected a long time with me.

This encounter was meant for just me and I received the gift they intended. What a special experience, which I relished in for a while on my own since no one was around. It was beautiful to just be with my loves…and all on Christmas Eve – Joy’s birthday. Thank you!
Joy was gifting things and showing up all around…she felt to be orchestrating all of the things I encountered and like the dream of her I had a couple of weeks ago that had pointed my attention to listen…I was!!! As it was my ears that made me hear the very subtle munching of grass that got my attention to stop, turn, and see the three of them surrounded by trees that camouflaged them to others.
And it is my ears that will also hear the Galactic and Cosmic tones of alignment speaking through my heart to guide me forth.
I love when the dots get connected.
That day also continued with a light lunch and I had a virgin mojito (since I don’t drink) on the beach, a stroll, and dipping my feet in the ocean…so I now had cleansed my Pisces essence (as feet are connected to the sign of Pisces in medical astrology) in the creek and the Pacific. A way of purifying and rebirthing, like a christening into a new me.







It was on the beach that also I found two heart shaped smooth stones (after intending I’d like to find one)…one of which has a “T” etched in it for Tania, Tiny, and Tiny Tim (the nicknames of Joy and Cosmo). And of course a lovely feather also made its way to me, as the bird tribe is so active these days!
Speaking of, as mentioned the hawk appeared at the site of the Mayan glyph on the cliff where I was connecting with it, but hawks were abound the whole trip in numbers too high to count.
But alongside deer, I also had coyote and road runner medicine show up. The coyote crossed the creek at Inn of the Seventh Ray where we had our Christmas Eve dinner/Joy and sister-in-law’s birthday celebration dinner at. The restaurant is in the canyon set amidst the trees, creek, and mountain, so nature is all around. I felt the coyote showing up was indicative of sacred teachings coming to light around paradoxes, especially since after dinner while we headed home, which was only two minutes away (convenient!), we saw coyote cross the road again. And roadrunner tried to cross the road in front of our car while I was driving on another day, but it darted back to safety once I’d seen him and told him to be careful! 🙂
And as mentioned, we enjoyed tons of good food and indulged ourselves at different restaurants all over…some old and some new places…all super yum. Meals, desserts and all.


And we had the chance to connect with a few friends one evening for a Christmas dinner at Cafe Gratitude – perfect place/name for all the overload of loving gratitude felt.


I was beaming with “Joy”.
Our trip happened to coincide with Dave’s dad having just gone into the hospital for major spinal surgery and so we were able to have a nice uplifting visit with him at Huntington Hospital on Friday and were grateful he was released on Christmas day so that we could spend a nice evening again having the family surrounding him in love to support his healing.






We had a mix of time to ourselves, time with some friends, and time with family enjoying the best of nature and city all around, returning to both of our old stomping grounds in Santa Monica and on the pier to relive exact experiences and photos from the past, duplicated in the now, like me kissing the golden dolphin, and even came across an Alice in Wonderland Christmas tree complete with White Rabbit tea party, but all filled with lots of love, warmth, connection, and sacredness.

Our last evening on Christmas ended with play time with our niece, Violet, after opening gifts (she received a giant pink unicorn because every princess needs one), including her teaching me and her mom a dance, which Dave video’d (I would totally have posted it, but it’s way too large and was done via his cell phone).
It seemed like the perfect conclusion to the weekend with the message of dancing my heart out through this new chapter of my life, just as sweet little Violet does, and of taking everything with lightness of heart, as life is meant to be joyous, playful and not so serious.
There is a time and place for it all and balancing wisdom with innocence creates harmony.
The weekend was full of themes like inner child wonder, nurturing, living life fully in each moment, the true meaning of love, values highlighted, eternal connections, guiding support always being around, and magick, of course.
And upon returning home, a stunning sunset welcomed us back and impressed it all upon my heart more so.

Joy to the World

We are having a lovely, although very whirlwindish vacation back in Southern California, which I’ll share more of the fun and magick of when I return home and have the time to get the photos I’ve been collecting of our memories here together. But for now, on this special day I just wanted to share something dear to my heart and some Christmas Eve wishes from my and Joy’s hearts to yours.
Today happens to not only be Christmas Eve, but is also the birthday of my sweet rabbit, Joy, who would have been 13 this year.
She reminds me of many things and has been so profoundly around the last week or so with messages and showing up for me and others I know in known or unknown ways.
Today is a reminder of celebrating the inner child and possibilities available to us when we vulnerably share our hearts and embody the integrity of our essence. Joy taught me this and so much more as my companion, guide, and teacher in life. She also taught me to listen within and to trust the messages in and all around me, and that balance was key to living a life of harmony and grace.
There have been some very auspicious events around Joy the last two days and one of which was a sweet message I received this morning that I just had to share because it touched my heart so and again pointed to Joy’s profound reach and messages she is wanting to impart. I won’t share the person who sent it, but here is the message that meant a lot to me:
“To dear Tania, Happy Christmas Eve to you and all your loved ones. You have been and are an inspiration in my life and will now be an inspiration to all others in my life because you have caused a massive ripple. Your way of living has helped bring back the hope in my life which lost me for a while. Yesterday I watched a film which I had thought about watching for a while, but didn’t until yesterday. I watched it because the name of the film was Joy. I followed the magic which the universe in all it’s magical ways was trying to show me. The film is about a lady who despite having everything thrown against her made her dream come true. So now I will follow my dream and be strong. So thank you to you and all your beautiful friends and loved ones with all of my heart. In this moment, I am happy and that is what counts. This moment. I hope to always see your magical pictures you post. Blessings to you. Peace to you, love and Prosperity to you.”
This was my response:
“I can’t express to you enough how reading this message this morning touched me so. Wow! What a beautiful share from you. It made me so happy to hear that you are feeling a sense of renewal and inspired zest for life. This is incredible and if I had any tiny bit of a part in that, I am grateful for that ability to have connected in a meaningful way that makes a difference. Also, you may not be aware, but today, Xmas eve, would have been my rabbit Joy’s birthday…so your message was truly profound, as the film you saw had her name and she’s been so strongly around and sending me messages…now this…It shows how she is also still working her magick as the powerful one that she is, touching others as she always has…and speaks to our connection.”
You may remember I had a dream about Joy the night before the Christmas celebration with my family and then I saw in large letters the lit up word “JOY” on the window across the street of my parent’s house, as a neighbor’s decorative display.
And something else I’ll share more about when I’m home that happened yesterday too. Plus, another friend sharing how much Joy, along with my other loves were around her and felt so much, Laura also sharing how she and my other two bunnies had a hand in some gifts for me, and gifts from two other friends yesterday that she and my bunny loves were a part of.
Then this.
I hear you Joy and I hope that your message and presence will continue to shine a light of love into everyone’s hearts as you have mine for eternity.
May you all know and embody “joy” and wonder today and all the days of your life and may peace be your constant companion.
Honoring Our Interconnectedness & the Souls Who Remind Us Of Our Song

I’ve been blessed with these four magickal souls in rabbit bodies in my life and have been forever changed because of them. They’ve all reminded me of my song, helping me get to where I am today. Our love transcends time, not to mention opens gateways through it. We have so much more to create together and I welcome walking that path with them in my heart and others that will join, as we do.
“The spiritual path is not a solo endeavor…We are in it together and the company of spiritual friends helps us realize our interconnectedness.” ~Tara Brach
I’m grateful for all of my soul family who have been a part of my life and helped me to remember who I am, which includes all connections that have intertwined and of course friends, loved ones, biological family, Cosmic family, and the other amazing souls who have come to me in animal bodies including the incredible Gaia my Russian Tortoise, Tee-Ta my first turtle love, Iris the white parakeet with aqua cheeks, and Sweetie and Girl my two powder blue parakeets.
It’s always amazing to me to look at how the tapestry has been woven into such richness because of all of the threads.
In Closure…..
I’ve received so many beautiful messages about Cosmo’s transition, its healing effects, and how his message and life have touched so many, that I am overwhelmed with love, making it hard to really express what it all means to me.
Saying thank you doesn’t seem like enough. I’m just grateful that I could lend a voice to his desire to be heard, although I know he has no attachment to results since he is unwavering in simply being just that….love and peace.
And yes, love is JUST what it is all about, although not ego-attached love that creates illusions, but the truest most expansive kind that is harmony manifest….and yet this love is MORE than enough.
Yes, for sure his life and teachings shared was and has been so much bigger than I imagined…even though I knew he was all about a mission and our relationship was also that and a conduit for change.
The enormity of what that would encompass has unfolded like a blossom slowly opening, one petal at a time.
And now I see the rose in its full glory, although the seedling it came from will continue to grow new layers of blossoms over time.
I have definitely been changed by this experience and him…although it is a change bringing me to the heart of me and most natural essence – a new layer of softness and strength washing over me like a gentle stream.
He and I are One, as are we all, and he’s impressed so much as his example, which I’m carrying on as not only a promise to him, but a promise to myself.
For to know what he was teaching is one thing…to embody it is another.
I feel that is important to impress with everything we are learning and growing into….

Cosmo’s Message & Mission ~ A Journey of Greatest Compassion
Many of you have so lovingly been following along and sharing your support for our dear Cosmo over the past nearly 2 years that I wanted to take the time to share about his recent transition, but most importantly to be his voice with the message he has imparted. This is my gift to him to support the completion of his mission here on Earth and the last piece of his path he wanted as the tie-in to his departure. Although he will continue on with other missions in his eternal form, he has been a constant source of ever-giving love in a way most rare to experience from anyone, let alone a magickal rabbit.
I’ll begin by backing up a bit to share recent unfoldings that have led to this, before concluding with that message, as all pieces are relevant to grasping a deeper understanding of the message.
As you may remember, I’ve shared several times that our returning to Lake Tahoe was in large part also because of Cosmo. I knew that somewhere along the Magick Bus journey that both Joy and Cosmo would be transitioning and once Joy did, it was just a matter of time before her partner would join her.
Joy, you may remember, made her transition in the energy of the Summer Solstice portal just four months ago. I shared a long video of that story along with a photo story line of highlights in her life and additional insights at the link provided.
It was challenging on both Cosmo and I, but he trucked right along as he always does, in large part to be my rock and a source of comfort for me. I got that he was staying around in order to make sure I was okay before he, too, would make his departure. This also provided he and I the opportunity to just be together the two of us, as I had had that kind of time with all of my beloveds except with him.
And during the last four months our deep connection only further deepened, with our clear communication ramping up, his teachings making huge impact on fuller embodiment for me, and our love transcending everything.
When we received guidance that we were to return to Lake Tahoe, I immediately got the message that this is where Cosmo would transition. He had chosen the place where his teachers and friends – Joy, Nestor, and Gaia – had all lived and where each of them either transitioned themselves or arrived into my life. But all of them having thoroughly enjoyed and connected with Tahoe’s crystalline energy and working with its portal. He chose a place that was also very dear to both Dave and I and until now had been the one place we loved the most and considered our true home.
Over the past year, and increasingly recently, Cosmo had begun to physically decline. Whereas he’d had huge leaps, increased vitality, strength, and mobility from onset of his coming into our lives with all of the efforts and support I/we provided, this last year proved to demonstrate his physical body weakening and breaking down, despite his eternal vibrant spirit remaining untouched.
And this decline continued more rapidly when Joy made her transition.
His bones – the old structure of physical form – were breaking down, his arthritis increasingly being a source of pain, his legs stiffening and one nearly unable to bend anymore despite leg therapies and knee seeming to always pop out of place, his shoulders collapsing due to his using his arms to support and move himself around to compensate for not being able to move his lower body to support himself, and one shoulder recently also hugely dislocated.
And yet he never wavered in the love, peace, presence, patience, joy, and strength of spirit that his purity embodied. His stoic bravery and constant, consistent ability to look at and embrace all of his experiences with loving compassion was an example for us all.
I did not know the exact timing of when he would make his move to journey onward, although felt it was sooner than later, but that became clear not long after our arrival back to Lake Tahoe.
And it was evident also in Cosmo’s orchestration of things that rearranged our timing of meeting up with my dear Laura and David, which was originally planned for the Halloween weekend, but got moved to the Autumn Equinox, as she shared in her recent post: A Strange, Synchronous Samhain Sojourn documenting also how he was “at the center of our Autumnal celebrations all together, anchoring the “Cosmos” and just being the love bunny he is.”
This became one of the missions he was to complete for the collective and all four of us personally as well, and his way of being able to meet Laura in person who had been a large part of his life regardless of not meeting him physically, so that he could say his thanks and goodbyes.
It was also no coincidence that just as we returned to the Reno area, my parents and brother all came over to the Magick Bus to visit, bringing my brother to see it and Cosmo for the first time in person. This was especially telling that my brother, whom I felt meeting and physically connecting with Cosmo would be transformative for, was there so that Cosmo could do his healing work with him as well before leaving, which resulted in Eric holding him when he’s always had a fear of this from the “past”.
Cosmo was able to say his goodbyes, share his love and gratitude, and impart his magickal energy, as he was always consistent with daily.
Then we made our way to Lake Tahoe, where after many phone calls, found him a place and open-hearted acupuncture and holistic vet that welcomed him, despite past allergies to rabbits – allergies that didn’t show up when she and Cosmo connected.
And the story takes its turn here.
Surrounded in the energy of Lake Tahoe, having assisted in our finding the perfect new home for the next 6 months, seeing me deepen my connection to my own heart’s mission, and experiencing the peaceful knowing of all things he’d lined up in wanting to complete, his mission was coming to closure.
Although the support at his new acupuncturist and all the things I shifted to make the last of his golden time here most peaceful and comfortable as possible did just that, it was his own inner peace he’d fully arrived at in knowing he and I were both ready for this last leg of the journey that kicked things into a quick spiral of rapid shifts.
I’ll shift for a moment before continuing on, to share a few things that are speaking through as I write this.
I know that while many have understood, shared the same connection with their soul partners in animal bodies, and experienced the feeling of being a parent to their fur babies no different than that of a biological human child, I know there are also those people who can’t grasp this, may even think my care-taking behavior is overboard, thought that Cosmo was an excuse for not doing things they may have wanted us to partake in because of my wanting to care for his needs which constituted a schedule that was my norm, or felt I was wearing myself down for someone that was not equal to a human child and likely hoped/hope I wouldn’t continue in this vein for their own reasons.
I completely understand these latter feelings because I know that unless one experiences something personally they have no way of grasping what it really means. Everyone finds their own experience of sacred connection in the way that is most relative and meaningful for them in the place they are on their journey. And for that I hold no judgment and took nothing personally.
But I will say that it fuels my devotion and commitment in continuing forth strongly with my convictions and sacred honoring I feel compelled to embody, myself, as I know that is my personal role and path to be living, regardless of how it appears to others.
Although I have not “birthed” a human child, myself, I can tell you that everything I have heard and experienced from my own mother, and all the friends I have that ARE mothers, has been my experience with my animal companions/babies and is consistent with what I know from my experiences this life and beyond, not to mention that all women embody the Sacred Feminine and Divine Mother energy.
I won’t go into all of that here, but needless to say they have been my babies, partners, best friends, and equals – learning and teaching with and from each other. In other words, soul family, which is no different except for the fact that a soul chooses the form most supportive and demonstrative of the mission they have chosen.
This is one of the many messages Cosmo imparted, as he was more human-like than any of my children and embodied a connection with everyone he came in contact with on a level that was undeniable in his conscious presence and ability to interact both intelligently and compassionately.
Dave was just remarking this morning that of all of our animal companions, he was the most dynamic presence that held his own and communicated loudly, yet gently, even without ever uttering a sound, let alone a word. He said that he sat there in the middle of the Magick Bus and was always actively a part of everything and called your attention to him at aligned times to share his message, as well as indicated his being interactive in all things that took place.
He truly demonstrated the equality of life in all forms and called everyone’s attention to take notice and integrate that at the level capable of doing, relative to everyone’s journeys.
To add in the aspect of his special needs he lived with for over two years, not to mention his challenged past from onset of birthing into form here, he conveyed the strength of our spirit overcoming anything, as his rabbit body is one of the most fragile forms to come into. It’s hard enough to go through things he had all his life if he had been in a human body, but add in the fact that he chose such a delicate form that is hardly understood by many and challenged with mysteries galore that take great intuition to unravel, and you can begin to understand the magnitude of his example.
There is nothing that wavered his disposition and the peaceful centeredness and love he exuded. He never allowed anything to shift him out of that space, nor to affect his normal behaviors, like eating, eliminating, or having to go into a long state of quiet processing, as many rabbits will do when they have challenges and even we as humans will do as a result of our embrace or attachment that manifests as different reflections physically or emotionally for us.
He just kept on keeping on….loving and assimilating things every step of the way with total patient and peaceful embrace and flow no matter how enormous the pain was. And he never acted out, nor lashed out. He never bit anyone or pulled away to retreat or show signs of not wanting to face things. He simply licked your hand with loving compassion for you, the journey, and his place in that process.
And this continued on until the very end, as you’ll come to see.
We each have that available as well and can access it from the wells of our inner and innate beingness.
Some may question my choice in rabbits due to their fragile constitutions, hope I don’t have more in my life as they project their own concerns, or wonder if I will bring more into my life.
My only answer is that they choose me, as much as I choose them. And I have not set out to bring any of them into my life except for Nestor, although when they showed up I recognized the contract we had and therefore the mission I gladly embraced, which was always beyond myself in also supporting their missions and doing our part for the collective dynamics.
So I will do that again, only if and when similar presents itself and I know beyond a doubt that that is my role in alignment with heart’s mission.
But to continue forth with what began to show up quite rapidly after settling back to Tahoe and a new era about to begin with knowing the Magick Bus would be moving on, as we moved forward into a new form of home and life showing up for our paths, I’ll share what catapulted us quickly to where things are now.
I’d taken Cosmo to his acupuncture appointment, which was a gift to find, as shared. My intention with providing care as such and all that I did was not to prolong his life unnecessarily beyond his choice, but to ensure as little pain and as much peace as possible while he still was here and was navigating his departure.
But upon our second appointment, he was crystal clear and intentionally focused in relaying his new plan and timely needs.
Basically what took place is during his session, while he’d already been in a zen mode, he became more consciously active and began to nibble on his hay that I provide him while he has treatments. But one of the needles of hay was in fact a needle itself.
I’d been diligently watching him, caressing him as I do, and making sure he was comfortable when suddenly his chewing sounded different and I instantly knew he had a needle in his mouth. I didn’t know how it happened without my seeing, but that is the Great Mystery unfolding, as always.
The vet had moved away to do something, since all the needles had been placed and he was hooked up to the electrodes, receiving.
I immediately told her and tried to stop him from chewing, unsuccessfully, as it was far back in his mouth by his molars.
I knew instantly this was the turning point.
And without going into too much detail I went into a calm panic, having flashes of Nestor’s passing because she had choked to death on medication I’d administered. He began to try to swallow and then he began gagging and salivating. I asked if he’d be alright. I know my face was likely white and all I could do was hold the space of love and trust in what was unfolding, and hoping for the best possible outcome without trauma.
Rabbits can’t throw up, so this was painful to watch. It went on an excruciating while, as the vet tried to get into his throat and check all around the back of his mouth and cheeks to see where it was.
This was unsuccessful, twice.
He continued gagging and salivating and I just said to myself, “OMG, this is it.” I was prepared, as I knew it could come at any time. I just didn’t know how or when. I’d hoped not in a traumatic way, and had no idea something like this could happen, as he’d had acupuncture so many times and never tried to eat a needle.
And hence, the intention on his part was clear. He is not stupid. He does not do anything random and accidental. He is a fully, and in most cases, more conscious being than most.
This was an act of choice. Perhaps he didn’t know how challenging the physical of that choice would be at first, but he knew he had to do something at this level in order for the rest to unfold as needed and in order to get my attention in a big way of the importance this had.
Suddenly, after the intervals of gagging and trying to look in his throat, he was at peace again. The needle had gone down miraculously without issues besides the temporary gagging and discomfort.
How it got down without doing harm I do not know, except that it was meant to be.
I could see the look on the vet’s face. She, was almost overcome to tears. She was panicked and I knew she felt guilt like she should have done something to not allow that to happen. It was all over her face.
She suggested, after I asked what to do next, that I take him down the way to the vet hospital to get xrays and see where it is.
Before I left, I firmly, but gently took hold of her arm and looked her deeply in her eyes to her soul and said while imparting energetic waves of healing, “It’s not your fault. This isn’t your fault.”
I did not want her carrying that guilt and at least doing my part to release her from that and imparting that I held no anger towards her in anyway that someone might project on to others when lashing out of pain. I wanted her to know she was appreciated for all of her help and I thanked her for that before I left to get the xrays, which she called in for me and got Cosmo squeezed in immediately for.
The xrays were taken. Cosmo continued fine. They showed that in fact the needle was now in his stomach. She said she also saw tons of fiber from what he eats, all around it, so it was acting like a cushion or cotton bubble protecting it for now.
And the unknowns from there spiraled.
The xrays were sent to his acupuncturist and she shared the findings, suggesting I monitor him and take him in in another day or two if it didn’t pass, but her experience was, with other animals – mostly cats and dogs, that things DO in fact pass. She’d seen anything from weird toys, plastic, and even razor blades pass without issue.
So I took him home and I waited.
But what I had immediately received in message right after it took place was that Cosmo was telling me he no longer wanted to go to any outside sessions or vets in general. That he wanted to just be in the peace and care that I provided him at home and not spend time elsewhere. He wanted to spend quality time with his family to choose his path naturally.
It wasn’t until a day or two later that I got a larger grip on what his message included, which was in fact he was choosing his timing and this was the way to make that needle-sharp clear.
He continued to eat, eliminate, and act as his normal loving self that first full day, which was Wednesday, 10/26. The acupuncturist kept emailing to check up on him and to see if there was any progress.
I would check his poop all day and night to look for any potential needle.
Nothing.
But by the second day, well actually night, he began to show signs of challenge once a day. It began in the middle of the night when I would wake up to check on him and that was both on Thursday and Friday night.
His eyes would bug out, he would become extremely fidgety, agitated, extend his upper portion of body out and then cramp up, and wanted me not to leave him, because there was great pain, until it would pass. I knew that the needle was moving and causing pain likely when it poked his insides and was trying to find its way through.
I sat up with him in the middle of the night giving him Reiki and comforting him for about a half an hour each time until the pain and his symptoms subsided altogether.
Then he was back to normal, although I began to notice that his left shoulder that we’d seen at the first acupuncture session being likely dislocated, was getting worse to the point that it would lay flat underneath him much of the time. That’s not to mention the stiffness in his back that continued increasing and making it hard for him to bend or sit up. Hence the orthopedic bed I got him to support his back.
Everything was at a very volatile state.
Thursday I kept checking. No needle. So I made an appointment for Friday to xray again, like the vet told me to do so that we could monitor if it’s moving and where it is.
The xrays showed it still in his stomach.
And that’s when the vet said I should contact my regular vet for more advice, as she doesn’t handle that.
I began making intervals of calls, being referred one-by-one to doctor and practice after another. I found it interesting the vet I’d taken him to in Carson for a general check up was out until 11/7. And nobody around knew rabbits enough to take on this challenge.
After the fourth place I was then referred to a fifth, which was where the signs aligned things.
This fifth doctor was in fact the doctor that had treated Nestor with her issues, and where I’d taken her for cremation after her passing. This was no coincidence. Nestor was overseeing things and I felt in safe hands.
Side notes:
What I’ve always found challenging is that no doctor would ever get on the phone in all my times of making calls over the years with me, yet were quick to always be upfront that they had no rabbit experience or specialization, nor willing to take things on even in emergency situations, except for those aligned places I was led to.
It’s made me over time feel very upset/disappointed that rabbits seem to be pushed to the side when they in fact need some of the most specialized care. I remember when I was a little girl loving animals from the get-go, that one of the things I said right off was that I wanted to be a veterinarian.
That was not my path in this life, but be it another time and place I would definitely have taken that on knowing what I know now and had a specialty practice for rabbits alone. I hope others will follow the inspiration of their calling with this if their own soul path is nudging them that way. I’ve seen and gone through way too much neglect with their care and it saddens me, but also brings me such gratitude when I do find those doctors who have gone that extra mile as their focus and path.
That brings me back to Nestor’s doctor whom I was now being referred to by what was supposed to be a specialist place in Reno, but low and behold had no rabbit specialists.
After I spoke to the receptionist for just a brief couple of minutes, she told me to hold and the next thing I knew I was speaking with the doctor herself. She took the time to go over Cosmo’s situation, options, and scope of potentials.
I was grateful.
The rest of the story for the next few days was a process of me on pins and “needles” not knowing when or how that needle would make its move and Cosmo going through one episode a day except for Saturday that was quite challenging. This likely was happening because a rabbit’s GI tract moves every 17-20 hours and in Cosmo’s case, maybe a bit longer since he is not mobile.
So each time it did, that needle was journeying.
And that created pain and the potential of trauma at any moment, as she shared and I knew that if that needle started making its way out of the stomach and into his intestines, there was the huge risk of it not getting through safely, especially with all the tiny turns and processes to go through. It could perforate any part of his system and if so, he’d be in excruciating pain to the point of perhaps screaming and trauma like I’ve seen in Nestor, and it could happen at any time where I would have no ability to get him help and basically I’d watch him pass a terrible death, or get him in and still have to be put to sleep because the damage would be too great for his little aged body to recover from.
There were complications around the whole scenario and along with his age at 10 1/2 years old (like 100 in rabbit years), his spine and skeletal structure all wearing down and collapsing, along with muscles weakening and tightening, we had things stacked against us in terms of any operation or endoscopy even by a specialist being successful since his body was so weak to make it through, let alone recover from it especially if stomach surgery, which Joy had too and didn’t make it back from after. In general, operations on rabbits are sketchy because they have such delicate compositions, but far better odds are there when they are young and robust with a lot to live for still. And each time you put a rabbit under anesthesia there’s a chance (50/50 or much less in a case like Cosmo’s) they may not wake, unless they are strong and healthy.
We started doing research, making calls, and emailing vets we knew. The answers were all the same from everyone and all scenarios of options provided no guarantee in any way of anything.
It was all maybe, perhaps, hopefully, if, etc.
Nothing was in alignment with peaceful, safe passage for him and all things were putting him at greater risk while also potentially having to drive him hours away to a specialist, having him in a cold room with people he didn’t know and I didn’t have any connection to, and with the fear of going under to have a surgery he himself told me he feared, and still not make it, while not being with us who he desired to have by his side all the way.
These were not viable options.
He and I had come too far together to allow such things when we had control of how things could go.
I became aware of how the timing of all of this was also not random, a couple of days after the incident of needle swallowing, realizing that Halloween, or rather, Samhain was just around the corner. And it all clicked.
And when verified with him, as he and I have very clear communication, and through my animal communicator friend who knew not what I had received myself in message before relaying her communications, it all confirmed with loud reiteration the same things.
Cosmo had completed his missions and was expressing his desire to leave. He knew the odds when he swallowed that needle and had hoped that I would understand what he was asking, although understood it was a lot to ask.
I’d received the message of his desire, as I mentioned, a couple of days after the episode and it just increasingly got louder as the days went on, becoming its clearest after I spoke to Nestor’s doctor. And Monday’s Samhain was to be that day, which he desired to make his transition, as it was after all the day and night of the thinnest veils between worlds. A time of magick and would be his magickal exit back to the Cosmos from which he came, as magick rabbits enter and exit as such.
I was going to have to assist Cosmo and I was going to have to put everything aside to honor him and his mission.
This was reiterated to me also in discussions with Laura at synchronous times during her Strange, Synchronous Samhain Sojourn, which she alluded to, as we were in contact with all the unusual bleed-throughs we were experiencing each in our own way over the course of this time we were once scheduled to be together.
He wanted it clear what he wanted and this was his way for that intention to be sharp. No pun intended.
Interestingly, here’s what his acupuncturist emailed me in one of our communications after the experience:
“One of my favorite holistic vets (who is also a Reiki Master) said Dr. Xie would say the needle knows what it is doing. The intention was good. Dr. Xie is an expert at TCVM and head of the Chi Institute, where I trained. So I just thought I’d pass that along. He also says to take a deep breath when animals eat needles. Things will workout.”
My response to her was:
“I agree fully that there is always perfect, divine grace with everything and intention and knowing is built into the process, especially with something like this/the needle with focused clarity it has. Also, Cosmo is a highly conscious soul. This act of his ingestion is not arbitrary or accidental and aligns with the intention and meaning of the process in his journey.”
Again, I was wanting to impart to her no need for guilt on her part, as all things were unfolding in alignment with his will.
I knew this for myself as well, although I would need the last couple of days to fully align all parts of myself with absolute clarity in order to proceed.
While I understood Cosmo’s message clearly and after reviewing all possibilities knew my answer, I would still have to reconcile my human ego parts, as well as needed to have absolute confirmation from him of the next step.
So, we had the weekend for that, and the timing again was perfectly lined up to do so. In the meantime, I was doing all the Reiki and healing work I knew possible, along with asking for assistance, in order to keep that needle from piercing him or causing any trauma before the time he had desired.
I asked for peace.
And Saturday that’s what we got, as he had no episode that one whole day, which I was so grateful for, given he’d had one each of the day’s preceding that were very scary, not knowing if that trauma the doctor had shared may happen if it tried to pass, was in fact taking place.
This was both wonderful, but also played with my ego mind, and especially Dave’s because it was easy to think he was fine, something miraculous was at hand, and perhaps he could live with this needle and it would never move through his system and keep cushioned for the rest of his life with fiber protecting it all around.
This was wishful thinking even though I’m all for believing in and creating miracles, but there was no guarantee that at any moment this could go grossly wrong or that his body would continue disintegrating to the point of collapsing completely with hideous pain and leaving him a vegetable, feeling trapped in a completely decayed body. I couldn’t play with and gamble away his peace and desires on something based on my own or anyone else’s ego to prolong his life.
His soul was too big and expansive to be contained anymore in this fragile form that had seen its time.
So yes, while we had a lovely day of peaceful connecting without challenges arising, it was in part for he and I to share beautiful quality time together and in part, in answer to exactly what I’d asked for and had worked so hard energetically to create.
We were succeeding in getting him through each day to make it to the timing he had chosen for departure.
So I asked for absolute clarity that he was still wanting his original desire to move on with my assistance, and that this was in fact the most responsibly compassionate path. I wanted no shadow of doubt.
Saturday had oscillated with inner confusion that had felt clear previously, but I realized it was simply my human part briefly attaching to desire to keep him here and try to convince myself that I/we could work miracles, even though I’d be putting him at further risk while exercising that “possibility”.
The needle was his intention and his way to say, “I’m declaring closure to my mission here.”
This needle was an unknown that could at any moment have a mind of its own. For now, it was being kept at bay long enough for us to all arrive at full clarity.
We’d started having Cosmo sleep with us in the bed, as I couldn’t leave him out of sight or alone, even though I wake 4 or 5 times to check on him all the time. So we brought his large orthopedic bed in the middle of our queen sized bed, leaving just room for our bodies on either side of him without movement.
In this way I could constantly check on him and he was cozy and safely with us – never alone.
Then Sunday rolled around and I spent all of it with him doing nothing else but connecting.
It was raining hard the entire day, which felt supportive for our delving into watery emotions to reveal the depths of truth, and cleansing to all that wasn’t authentic to step aside for clarity to come. It was also the perfect cozy day for he and I to share, as Dave was out that day.
However, I received the answer I needed and the confirming clarity, as peace was disrupted just long enough for me to get that reiteration desired.
And Cosmo put himself in a place of pain and danger, in order to help me know without doubt the reality of his situation and the depth of his desire.
Alone he and I got him through another bad episode. Peace was replaced after about 40 minutes with him going through a very rough time of pain and discomfort, which was frightening not knowing if something really horrible was about to happen.
Without explaining all of how he was reacting, I went into full on power mode and called in all of my power, favors, and help I could muster up energetically while I comforted and caressed him, and did Reiki and other energy things to assist.
At this point, although one might ask why I wouldn’t use this energy to pass the needle safely, I knew that was not an option. It was too volatile, too chancy, and I knew his desire was to go. So in fact it would have been playing a risk game that it would result as such, when the needle had deliberately been put there for another reason. It had a power to do its duty and would, one way or another. I could not counteract his intention with it. But I could place a hold on it with a promise to carry through with his wishes in return for his safety and peace.
So, I used my powers to stop the pain, and to create a permanent hold on the needle to be swaddled in cushioning protection and not move from the center of his stomach until I could get him to the doctor the next day, as he wished.
And “coincidentally” this doctor was not in on Saturday – the only weekend day they are open- and Sundays they are closed. While I could have tried to find some ER place, that was much too cold and had no connective factor for him. I wanted him to be in the best hands, which this doctor is – she is likely my favorite in terms of her gentle compassionate ways that warm your heart to be around her. That is the type of assistance this little angel deserved.
Not some random person without any connection.
And afterall, Nestor had guided us to her.
I’m happy to say that everything I did succeeded and he got through the horribly scary episode and back to peace. And never had another episode.
And I received the clarity I needed, as that episode relayed the message that my human ego had to see, which was that the temporary peace was just that – temporary. It was there to hold things for his safe passage as desired. But it would not be a permanent hold and if I surpassed his timing chosen, and all things aligning to support this, and didn’t support his wishes, the inevitable trauma would indeed take place and we’d no longer have the safe window to choose peace anymore.
It’s like I’ve been describing with everything recently. You have to ride the energy with patience and know when to make the move and catch the airstream that can catapult you.
Once again, I’d received what I asked for in order to fully get all parts of me on board without doubt.
After his pain passed Cosmo and I had very intimate quality time communicating, processing, and enjoying biomat time together the rest of the day.
This felt so supportive for him, as he came to love his biomat time in the short period we had it.
He would go into a zen mode, then he’d stretch out and slowly relax into a meditative dream state of journeying, more peaceful than I’ve ever seen him except when he would fall asleep against my heart and chest.
He’d stay on the mat a long time. This day was an hour and a half of internal processing.
I loved seeing him on it, as he was so utterly at peace…the way I envisioned his departure.
Of course I wished that he would just drift away during this time he was in deep trance state. And there were times, especially in these last few days, when I thought that he was doing just that, as he got himself to such a relaxed state that his heart rate was nearly undetectable along with his breathing almost non-existent.
But this was not the way it would be, as Cosmo knew that the way to finalize his last mission before he left, which he wanted me to assist with, was not to just pass away silently.
Yes, he would go, but it would be in the strong, gentle way he always has communicated, which has poignant purpose and penetrating message.
And I would need to be party to his mission, as he couldn’t do it alone and it in fact involved me and how the two of us, he said, could help so many others that go through this same experience and heart-wrenching dilemma.
Not to mention, it was part of my own growth and evolution.
I knew that during this day especially, knowing he had only one more day until his desired passing, that he was making sure to review all options just as I had to get all my pieces on board, as when I asked him if he wanted to pull Tarot cards for messages, he refused it each time.
He was still integrating and also wanted me to do so without the cards. He told me the answers were within me and to trust that day and I’d already received his clear message.
There was nothing different in the way we communicated and interacted from that of two humans. And that itself likely may stem from the fact that I have the personal belief and connection that all life is equal and of value and therefore the communication channels are open and clear if embraced and actively engaged. I have always communicated with animals and felt their heartbeat as my own, and in most cases, have experienced how they are more strongly connected to the Heart of All Life, to Mother Earth, and being closer to the Cosmos in their essence that lingers in between worlds than most humans.
Cosmo and I had instantaneous communication that took place like normal conversations spoken or unspoken. He understood everything I said or thought in that moment. And I understood him. This was a bit different from the way Joy and Nestor and Gaia communicated with me, as although I did understand them in wake time, it was not the seamless way Cosmo and I communicated. And they in fact would send me their messages and telepathic stories via dream time. The telepathy was strong in any case with all of them, but manifested differently when it came to the way in which they liked to send their messages.
Anyway, the rest of the day and night went without event, although I’d noticed that the last two nights while he was sleeping in between us, that he was not eating through the night and just resting and processing. Normally, rabbits, and him especially, are always eating round the clock. So his quiet mode at night seemed indicative of his preparations and perhaps avoiding something to happen during the night if his system was moving with new food.
And this brings us to Monday, Samhain – the Celtic New Year and the day and night of the thinnest veils between worlds and during the energy of the New Moon in Scorpio’s Great Mystery, magick, and transformation, which it had just shifted into the day before.
Samhain is a cross quarter day between Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice and is a night when Faeries are afoot working magick and mischief, as well as the Day of the Dead where our ancestors and loved ones are honored and remembered just like it was for the Celts, Egyptians and ancient Mexicans like the Toltecs, Aztecs, and Mayans. It is also when spirits and souls are thought to have more power to visit us. It’s a time marking the “absence the Sun who will be reborn at Winter Solstice as the Child of Promise” and marks the rising of the Pleiades.
Yes, it is no wonder Cosmo had chosen this day. Just as Joy had chosen Summer Solstice four months before him. All of my sweet ones have both entered and exited at profound and potent times.
So here we were, standing at the precipice of this transformational day and while I was fully on board with being Cosmo’s support system, not without emotional challenge mind you, I was having to be strong also for Dave who was having more difficulty.
We walked through everything for a couple of hours reviewing all of the angles, potentials, what vets had relayed, and what Cosmo had demonstrated. I walked Dave through all the realities in a left brained way first to indicate that there was no solution there that guaranteed peace for Cosmo, and likely would create further complications than he already had, if not extreme trauma past what he already has.
And then I walked him through Cosmo’s wish and what he was saying was his desire. But although Cosmo can ask, he can not force us to do what he asks. He can only relay his wish and it is up to us and our free will to choose to support or deny it.
All of which has ramifications on both ends. Yet, the most responsibly compassionate act and choice was the focal point of this discussion.
When Dave heard all of the angles, again, as we’d been discussing it over the last five days, now coming from my very stable and grounded place of knowing, it was different for him.
I explained to him that he and everyone knows I have and would do ANYTHING for my beloved animal companions. I would give my life for them. And so to arrive at this decision, is not an easy one for me, but is obvious that I have come to a place of knowing with heart and soul, that this is absolutely the only choice available that is of highest peace and compassion.
It is a choice of unconditional, expansive, and limitless love.
It is not a choice of conditional, attached, ego-based love.
The latter would devise ways to make one feel their choice to take an extreme chance of waiting things out, surgeries, etc. was the right path, only to appease one’s desire to hold on, to feel like you’ve done it all so as hopefully not to have guilt (which inevitably would crop up anyway), and to avoid listening to the message very clearly being spoken by our loved ones, thus denying they have an equal voice, mission, and their own knowing and choices that unfortunately they can’t exercise always, and perhaps avoiding the evolution they have come to assist us with through this process.
Ah, yes, it is very complex. And when dealing with the human emotions and these types of choices, it will be confusing and controversial.
I’ll return to this again, but I decided to pull a card from my very accurate, always on point Faery Oracle deck.
Stepping back for a moment, during the weekend I had pulled a card that represented Cosmo. It was the King of Cups, which he is. I always call him my little “king” and he definitely is that sacred male energy so in touch with the element of watery emotions. Anyway, on that card, there was one line that stood out for me the most, as there is always one gem in things we can take away that speaks to us. It was this:
“You are involved in a situation in which caring and empathic assistance are of utmost importance.”
That speaks for itself.
Synchronously I’ve been focused on empathic intelligence of the heart as my work recently and the balance between heart and mind, and heart and mission.
But back to the Faery Oracle card.
Out of 47 cards, to pull this one is no accident or coincidence and it went along also with what I’d been sharing to Dave, which I’ll explain further, but here is that card and a photo of its message from the book:

I, of course, shared and read the meaning of this card with Dave and this was an ultimate turning point for him when he saw the synchronicity that was inexplicable for this message and when I explained things further from the depths of myself.
Basically this card shares that we do not have ownership over anything….people, animals, plants, the land, etc. We have no dominion over Nature. We are guardians and with that comes the responsibility to honor the sacred relationship we have with all of life and the intelligence inherent within it all, as well, that is beyond our human capacity to understand unless we go within our hearts for truth.
As the card indicates, we need to be worthy of this role, which involves listening to what our companions within the mutual relationship are sharing with us, as what they have to share is just as valuable and valid as what we feel and have to say.
The card indicates that there are shifts taking place and by listening we will know when to take the divine action needed.
If one does not listen then the card would have a reverse meaning of dismissing the messages reaching you from Nature, your animal companions, plants, and the wild that are reaching out to communicate and share their lives with you. Their perceptions are different from ours, but oftentimes more powerful. It would indicate having a sense of ownership rather than mutual relationship or alliance with them. It may indicate blocking out what you’re hearing and projecting your own desires rather than listening to what is being shared that holds truth beyond illusions.
In essence this card says to honor all of life and to move beyond ego into a sacred relationship of compassionate guardianship that listens and acts in accordance with what is heard.
I said to Dave, after reading the card and seeing him release into a greater peace himself, “I cannot refuse his wishes. For me to ignore what I know in my heart and soul he is telling me and asking of me would be a complete desecration of all that is sacred. It would be a backwards step and would basically deny not only his worth as equal to my own, but deny his conscious intelligence, and be like turning my back on everything I believe in and know in my heart as truth. It would be like turning my back on our Earth Mother herself and abusing all that I’ve ever honored throughout my soul existences here. I cannot refuse his request, despite what anyone thinks of me, as the relationship I have with him is the sacred ground on which I walk upon and my only mission is to honor that above all else. My personal loss is not an option to consider. My love – true love – is all there is. And true expansive love IS the mission and heart combined. If I truly love him from a place of nonattachment, then I must assist him.”
And from there on, Dave came to the same place of understanding, as all of his pieces came together too.
Cosmo’s message is that doing the greatest act of compassion is the choice of highest good and that will challenge the human parts of us to move into a new place of integrated embodiment that honors the empathic intelligence of the heart.
However, this is the new relationship that is of dire importance at this time on Earth and although it is challenging to our human hearts, it will access the cosmic hearts within us that can be of assistance in awakening latent parts of our DNA into fuller and truer empowerment.
He wants to impart a deeper sacred relationship to us all that is one of guardianship rather than ownership, and to move into that space of listening to, honoring, trusting, and supporting the messages and connection you have with your animal companions, and with Mother Earth at large, in how to be stewards for change and love where we work in harmony with the natural rhythms and live more consciously.
As left to Nature, Cosmo would not still be here in general.
This involves moving away from a denial of our true potentials and origins. It involves moving away from dishonoring Nature and instead works towards a partnership that can be of most support to beneficial evolution rather than total destruction and unconscious blindness resulting in a complete loss of sacred harmony.
He knows that what he asked of me, of us, is one of the hardest things to do. And it is not something that would be within the scope of all scenarios, as it would have to be taken up on a relative basis. Yet, the underlying message of compassionate guardianship still remains.
He simply imparts a desire for each of us to truly listen to the individual needs and desires of our animal companions beyond the limitations of our own ego needs, as they have an intelligent consciousness and wisdom to impart and this involves all aspects of our relationships with them, not just in times of life and death choices, but when they have things to share every day with us in effort to not only assist us, but to make their own messages heard in things we can honor them with daily and that can help situations you may view as problems without answers.
They have the answers. We must listen.
Cosmo has always been on a mission of service from the get-go.
His life has been one of a service rabbit, as I’ve chronicled in this post back in August and has drawn our attention to more compassionate relationships to animals and Nature to shift us into a role of mutual partnership.
This he’s done as a literal ambassador of peace in campaigns to end testing on animals, but has also embodied an intelligence, and highly evolved compassionate way of relating and communicating with humans as a bridge between animals and people simply by his loving and rare “nature” that everyone has remarked on never having experienced from a rabbit, let alone a special needs rabbit.
Here is that post:
Small Acts of Compassion Have Far-Reaching Effects
Although he will continue with missions from beyond Earth, this is his last message and mission to impart to all of us on Earth, as a soul in rabbit form.
I know this is a controversial issue that many, including animal rights people are challenged with. And yet, here’s my view on this.
Some of us fight for animal rights, to bring to attention for others that they are sentient beings and equal to humans. And yet, when it comes down to truly listening to them as sentient, intelligently conscious beings, we don’t always listen and we impart our own ego needs and desires.
While animals have yet to acquire that title of equal rights in the eyes of many, regardless of it being true in the eyes of all that is sacred, they do have this one right that surpasses us. One that also takes huge responsibility in listening to, rather than abusing, as many do.
Which is why this is more complex than it is simple on many levels. But truly is challenging us to begin to move into our own expanded versions of conscious sentient beings who take into account all of our gifts and all that is available to us to live with compassionate awareness and truly create an Earth home that is one of harmony and not some perverse idea of ownership and abuse at our every whim.
As Nature will ultimately have the last word. We will not. Since Nature is in harmony. We are not.
So here is the right I speak of.
They have the ability to choose their transition with harmonious assistance that supports compassionate choices in honor of their needs.
Something we as humans do not have, as euthanasia is not a legal option for the people who deeply desire to be let go of, and yet we keep them alive, sometimes as vegetables, because WE can’t let go.
There are many elderly people, just like my elder rabbit, Cosmo, who would desire compassionate assistance, and yet cannot have it.
So, while animals have no equal rights yet, they have this right that outweighs our own.
Unfortunately many abuse it and use it to either appease ego needs at their own whims, or abuse not using it when the messages are obvious.
We have no idea the suffering we place upon our animal companions because they are such unconditionally loving and devoted partners in our lives and will accept any fate we decide because of that capacity they have.
And yet, they have pleas of help that go unheard, just as the collective animals have pleas of help we do not listen to.
And it is not only a personal plea, but they act from a collective consciousness with the greatest good in mind.
All of this, like with anything else, asks of us to be super-conscious. That’s really not an odd thing to ask is it, in this day of age?
How long will we continue operating on blind cruise control and deny every bit of intelligence we innately have and that is innately all around us, in order to have immediate satisfaction that has long term destruction written all over it?
The sacred will not await us to realize its sacredness.
I’ve gone through my own personal evolution with this, in dealing with my own challenges with my four rabbit companions….I say four, as I’ve mentioned Twinkie, the only other male rabbit and animal companion I had in my life for only one Summer.
Here’s that evolution.
I was a young girl of 12 when Twinkie was in my life and we discovered his having been born with abnormal teeth that grew the opposite way – the upper grew inside the lower rather than over and outside of them. This created major issues and needed weekly trimming. At my age, I was not able to decide for him and had no understanding like I do now of how to care for this or what options were viable. Hence, he was put to sleep by the opinions of the vet and my parents.
This was devastating for me, as he was my first furry companion. It felt to be a more unconscious act, although understandable at the time. I also was destroyed by my emotional attachment and didn’t understand as a little girl.
Then there was Nestor. She died a horrendous death. In her process of wanting to transition I would not let go. I did everything energy-wise and through vet appointments and surgery to keep her with me. I was not able to let my twin soul go. I stayed up with her all night, for nights, administering all my energy and power and love to ensure keeping her alive and not leaving. In the end she went traumatically, and I was able to grow through that experience she devised for me through that process.
Then there was Joy. She came upon sudden challenges that all came crashing down quickly. She wanted me to not have guilt that I had with Nestor, since I’d been the one that gave her medications that she choked upon to death. Joy gave of herself to go through surgeries to help me know I did it all possible and yet in the end it was still her time. Yet her sacrifice was to assist no guilt on my part and also had me not see her pass so she could give me peace, since she transitioned after I dropped her off for overnight care at the ER. And yet, in the end she had been diminished to nothing. And to see her little body so weakened and tiny, deeply saddened my heart.
Each experience with all of them taking me to greater depths of growth and understanding, with a full circle of experiences.
I became known as someone who would, as I said, do anything to support my loved ones as the equal beings they are to have every chance in the world to do what they desired.
And they assisted that process in the way that would most support my evolution as well and learning.
In comes Cosmo.
Having gone through all I had, my greatest desire for my little ones became the focal point of peace. Not of prolonging life, but painless transitions and honoring of their desires. Learning to let go and focus on their greater good.
Cosmo then took me one step further with this and challenged me with the greatest thing he knew I feared. Something I’d mentioned many times I did not want to be faced with. Which I know most everyone doesn’t want to face. I did not want to have to make the decision to assist his passing.
And yet, his one wish was just that.
Wise he is, knowing how this not only was his personal mission to others, but encompassed a mission that would involve me and my own, along with a greater evolution I’d yet reached.
Everything I’d been through prepared me for this moment. And within those five days I had to come to full embodied understanding, he and I succeeded together in aligning everything within each of us for this ultimate activation of empathic intelligence from the heart.
I know this is a long, long share, so if you’ve made it this far, I thank you and ask to please bear with me some more, as this to me is part of the honor Cosmo deserves and I’m committed to providing since he’s designated me as his voice.
I only hope to do his message the honor it and he deserves.
So this brings us to Monday, as shared, and all things coming together in having the peace necessary to proceed by both myself and Dave.
And it was a sunny, baby blue sky day. So perfect, as I’d mentioned the whole day before it rained profusely, then this clearing for him, and the night and morning after his passing it rained more and even snowed a bit.
There was an opening and the time was right.
I planned to make it a special day, which I’d been doing all weekend, but there were more promises I had to keep for him.
So I gave him all his usual food and lots of treats – his favorites. Then I gave him a bath and dried and groomed him to make him all clean and lovely, plus sharing one of our favorite times together as we had enjoyed every day for the last nearly two years of this.
And after, I set him up on the biomat to give him some peaceful healing energy to prepare him, while Dave and I enjoyed a picnic lunch on the bed next to him, so that he was not alone and so that we had sustenance to carry us through the day.
I had come to see that as much as he was still alive, he was very thinly connected to his body at this time, since he was already preparing for his journey.
Dave then prepared a bag of chopped up strawberries and apples – his favorite – and we loaded him in his orthopedic bed on my lap in the car to make our way to the vet who was about an hour and 15 minutes drive away.
This was perfect, as my last promise to him was that I would take him to the lake itself so that he could see it, smell, and feel the energy of its power and the beauty Nestor and Joy, as well as Gaia, had all had the pleasure to experience too. Although, he was the only one who stepped foot on Lake Tahoe’s beach herself.
As soon as we got in the car and on the main road to our lake destination, our first sign came in.
From the distance I saw a large bird flying toward us. And as it came closer I realized instantly in my heart it was a hawk. Not sure what kind, but it was very large and as it got close it then hovered with its wings steadying it and then came to land on the very top of a pine tree in full sight to see its beautiful detail.
Not only are hawks my spirit guides and I’ve recently posted about them, again, but this also connected with when I first brought Cosmo home, as you can see in this excerpt I’ve shared before, which includes that “mission” has been the guiding force for our connection from the get-go:
“I will say that, like with all things in my life, there is no randomness about it. I sensed this was something big for me…a mission in fact. And that was reiterated the day I picked Cosmo up. On my way out a hawk (one of my major animal totems at this time in my life) was sitting on the light post giving me the support, and on the way home, another. But while driving, a dear friend called that knew I was on my way to get him and she was sending me love and support. I said out loud to her, there was just something about this that I knew was so much bigger and I used the word “mission” to describe it. And immediately after we got off the phone, a song came on and the words said, “it’s more than just a mission….” and at that exact simultaneous moment, I was just crossing over “Mission St.” I got chills and knew in my heart everything was in divine grace.”
We then got to the beach we had chosen and had our special time with Cosmo, where we snapped some beautiful memories too.
My favorite photos were the ones that showcased Cosmo himself, in all of his glory.
His peaceful presence.
His dynamic charisma, joy, and strength.
His fragility, but power, with eyes that pierced your soul with love and inspiration.
And his exuberance, as he prepared to take literal flight.
And all along the drive and there on the beach, we gave him his snacks of strawberries and apples in as much abundance as he desired, since it was one of his greatest joys.
Right before arriving at the vet, we played his special song twice to him, one that has been dear to him and I and is perfect for his essence and the message to him, as you can see at the link. And here’s the song itself:
Then we went in and met with the vet, who was just as compassionately gentle as I’d remembered her. Dave came to see this immediately too and we both knew Cosmo was in the right hands without a doubt, and this little rabbit in the corner of the room behind him was a sign and message of support from Nestor and Joy, since they were both lop-eared rabbits:
Without going into too much detail, it was a very beautiful process with much support.
Cosmo was very calm and we took our time, completely unrushed and encouraged by the doctor, to communicate and share moments with him, all the last things we wanted to say.
I had previously over the last days told him everything in my heart I needed and wanted to, so this was simply a last reiteration and us releasing him to be free, but to know we honored and loved him, were grateful, and that we’d be with him every step of the way, as he bravely took his journey.
We had some lovely moment like this one between Dave and Cosmo, where Cosmo demonstrates his constant love in ways not usual for a rabbit:
He did not display the same on video with me, as our time was far too intimate to be shared in this way. We giggled over that, as I got the message from him saying, “I don’t want that out there, as that’s our private stuff. 😉 ”
He was taken back only for a few minutes to prepare his catheter to receive the injections. Then returned to us for more connecting.
What truly moved me most was when the doctor began the first injection that puts them into a peaceful slumber before the last injection.
Cosmo reached his head out to her hand and licked her profusely while doing so. She mentioned he also did so when she prepared the catheter.
His way of saying thank you, and demonstrating the huge heart of compassion he had in gratitude and also wanting everyone to know there was peace here and he wanted no guilt on anyone’s part.
He moved me to tears with this act, as right until the end he was an ever-giving flow of love, just as his enlarged physical heart was indicative of.
And then within moments he was gone, while I held his paw in my hand as he passed.
What also made an impression on me was how beautiful and angelic he looked, as he always had. This was such a gift to see, as it not only reiterated the complete peace that had been honored, but was such a contrast in what I’d seen with Nestor and Joy, both leaving this world under conditions that left their physical bodies completely depleted and although at peace in soul, their bodies were quite traumatized.
This experience with Cosmo was pure grace.
As we left the vet to visit my parents and connect with them over the news, since they lived only minutes away, another sign came in.
Again, it was hawks.
I had just been telling Dave not long before that he had taken to flight and was flying with his friends now. And as I said it inside of my head, I looked up and saw four hawks circling around together.
I turned to Dave with excitement and said, it’s Cosmo with Joy, Nestor, and Gaia!
Talk about powerful indeed.
After visiting with my parents, we made our way back up to the lake.
I’d taken with us the stuffed, enchanted rabbit that was both Joy’s and Cosmo’s surrogate bunny friend and was infused with both of their energy now, along with his special rainbow heart blanket gifted by a special friend for him, which reflected the Rainbow Bridge he would be journeying across.
I’d had it with us to comfort him and was at his side when he passed too, for him to know that Joy, his beloved, was both in spirit and physical by his side.
But now, this surrogate rabbit would become my own and has not left my side since, while I’m at home. It is infused with their energies and comforts me, as well as provides that bit of magick that they both had enjoyed from it as well.
We decided to make a stop at the lake ourselves just to watch the sunset. The day ended beautifully and we caught these photos of his perfect day coming to closure including me with my magickal rabbit that embodies both Cosmo’s and Joy’s energies.
It was hard to return home as his energy is so strongly still here. Not only because he was a part of every minute of my day with things I did to care for him and connect, but also because his energy is so strong and perhaps because the veils are so thin.
I find myself constantly looking for him or feeling him where he used to be, and know that he IS with me and within me. It was a challenging first night, as I woke up not having him to look after, and laid in bed over an hour thinking of him. And then woke in tears, as my mourning process moves through me naturally.
It is no coincidence that he left at this time also, right before we are about to move into our new home and say goodbye to the Magick Bus. There are so many memories here, that it will be good to physically separate from it and create a new space. He also knew that there would be a lot of work over the next weeks involved with this move and things would be easier for him to assist from outside his body, rather than in it.
He’s always thinking of our highest good.
And in our high elevation new home at nearly 7500 feet, we will be in our “castle in the sky” closer in connection to his off-planet eternal existence.
Yesterday was a little bit better than the day before, as every day will be and always is, although peace does fill my experience despite the normal human heart flow of emotions that will process over time.
After a day of processing and beginning this post, which I’ve concluded today, we went out for a hike to just allow nature to do its healing and reflections.
And there I experienced the message of all being in alignment in quite literal and incredible ways.
We were led to access a different part of a trail we’d not been on before.
At the start I found this pure white quartz stone…small, but lovely and with sparkles. It felt like Cosmo’s essence.
And not long after we got on the trail I’d asked Cosmo for a sign through a feather. Immediately I looked down and on the path there was a tiny, soft, down feather right in front of me.
It embodied his angelic sweetness and was like from an angel’s wings. The message there was that small is potent and not all messages and things need to be blaring and dramatic with flashing colors and big physical presence.
The power of presence is in the essence.
Cosmo was both fragile and strong. Vulnerable, yet powerful.
And what I noticed very dramatically right away after his passing is that I seemed to integrate this essence of his into my own.
I’ve experienced a new softness I cannot explain other than that it’s deepened me into a layer of myself that feels like the womb of divine love and grace. I speak differently and I have this peace about everything far greater than I’ve known as yet. And I see it physically in my face manifested as well with a new softness exuding outward from within.
But the biggest sign was literally signs, or rather plaques, that we came upon near the end of our hike, off-path a bit on a hidden tree.
Here is what we found:
These two name plaques hanging on a tree commemorating loss of animal companions, but not random that the two names are basically mine and Cosmo’s with only one letter in each being different.
The letter “i” in mine instead of “y” and the letter “m” missing in Cosmo’s.
Let’s see, “i” and “m”….”I’m” or when said together sounds like “I am.”
Both states of “beingness” which is harmony and peace manifest and how he and I, how we all are, unified as One in this synergy of connection and natural cycles.
To say wow, is an understatement.
There was a beautiful essence of golden ancient presence that lingered in the sun’s portal energy, closing out the day and messages of all being in divine order and grace.
Dave asked me after Cosmo journeyed forward, what I was going to do with all the time I had now that the together time with him would no longer be there in my days.
I said in reply that I will complete my book…my mission…our shared mission…while continuing to listen to his and my other companions’ guiding messages and inspiration to infuse in everything I do for the rest of my days here on Earth.
Everything I do and share as an embodiment of all that I’ve learned and hold sacred and dear is in honor to Cosmo and my beloveds who are with me as much now as they ever have been and in honor of sacred Terra and my guardianship of that sacred relationship that is a gift and not an entitlement.
This post is in reverence to Cosmo and the important message he wanted me to impart.
He is an incredible soul who has made his way back to the Cosmos from which he came through a perfectly navigated journey by an astounding being and my personal hero.
Some of you have met Cosmo in person and so many others have shared how he’s touched your life even without the in-person connection.
All of you know how incredibly dear he is to me.
Our lights not only mirror one another, but have merged as One.
It’s been a huge year of immense transformations on so many levels and supporting two of my dear ones into the eternal within 4 months of each other, alongside all of it, has been tremendous and evolutionary.
I know many of you have seen your beloveds journey as well recently, or perhaps will soon, and I know they are all supporting us collectively in these intense yet rich shifts on Earth.
May Cosmo’s purity speak the innocence of his wisdom to your heart, as he has for mine.
And, may you be as One with Nature’s Rhythms, embrace the Great Mystery, and embody Sacred Union with Spirit a little more each day of the rest of your life here on Mother Earth.
Note: Synchronously, as I completed writing Cosmo’s story and message, I received a call from the vet that his ashes were ready for me to pick up. Again, no coincidence in divine timing and full circle, peaceful closure. I will be donating his food and supplies I’ve been storing on the Magick Bus to El Dorado Animal Services Department, which is a shelter and adoption center here locally in South Lake Tahoe.
Lake Tahoe’s Portal Working the Magick Once Again ~ Cosmo’s Incredible Journey & My Mission Continues
One of the reasons I felt we were guided back to Lake Tahoe was for Cosmo in bringing him to both the resting ground and life affirming place of his teachers and best friends, along with the hope of getting him the best care at this time in his life. Tahoe has also been a portal entry and exit point for the major things in OUR lives, which I’ll share more on shortly, but upon returning here other synchronous unfoldings have confirmed all of this and our reasons for needing to be here at this time, regardless of what else may unfold or not. It never ceases to amaze how we can align ourselves so easily by simply supporting and following the voice within.
For instance my high-tech water filter that I purchased when living here 8 years ago broke down after arriving here and we just happen to be by its birth place in Reno for repairs if needed. Although, I’m considering a new and different filter since it is linked to an old cycle in my life.
Just like letting go of my beloved “Hunab Ku” hybrid SUV last year right when we moved into our Magick Bus, which just had its one year anniversary of selling on the 16th of this month, coincidentally just after arriving back to Tahoe a little over a week ago and coincidentally I’m in the place I first got it.
We also happened to be here to celebrate our anniversary and Dave’s birthday all within days of returning and on our first day up at the lake, I spread a bit of both Nestor’s and Joy’s ashes together on the water in celebration and so much more.
And of course there’s huge full circle closure and opening in terms of nearly all aspects of our lives, which I mentioned, that all culminate here in this portal including where both Dave and I went through painful divorces, lost our most beloved soul animal companions (Nestor and Kitty Boom Boom), where all of our current or recently transitioned animal companions (except Cosmo) came into our lives (Joy, Gaia, Sweet Pea and Boojum), where Dave went vegan 8 1/2 years ago and me 10 1/2, where I became a Reiki Master Teacher and started my teaching as well as truly committing to and fully embracing my path in totality, where I went through the tipping-point vigorous round of personal growth work that would catapult me, where we both went through major soul and emotional shifts with extreme lows and life-transformations that have set our current courses, as well as where we met, along with other profound low and high points.
So to say it’s a potent place for us is an understatement.
But back to my original focus – Cosmo.
Upon returning here, I did some research to find him the best care possible and as things do tend to align with trusting, I was guided to the perfect person for that, who was just a few minutes away from where we are stationed.
This vet, who was previously focused as a small animal veterinarian in a busy general practice and has worked with wildlife like sea otters, elk, etc. along the west coast, now runs a small private practice focused on providing compassionate integrative and rehabilitative care that combines conventional medicine with natural approaches. She’s certified in veterinary acupuncture, veterinary food therapy, traditional Chinese Veterinary Medicine, and Canine Rehabilitation therapy. She’s a member of the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association, American Association of Traditional Chinese Veterinary Medicine, and American Association of Rehabilitation Veterinarians.
A gem of a find indeed.
After speaking with several places and making nearly a dozen calls, I left her a message in hopes she may be able to help Cosmo, since other places weren’t wanting to take on a rabbit for acupuncture except for one in Reno that was an hour and a half away.
And at this point, although I do take him for routine check-ups when necessary, I prefer him to get more holistic care that feels aligned with where he’s at in life and his soul needs. He’s always loved acupuncture and so that was my focus….I was just grateful to find even more!
Anyway, the doctor called back and told me that she doesn’t take rabbits normally because she had bad allergies to them over the years, but when she heard my story over phone she said she wanted to try and help.
Her willingness to do so was a huge plus in my book, as I’ve talked to other vets in the past who said the same and had no desire to try.
So I took Cosmo in this past week and she ended up having no issues. Yay! Her exact words were, “He and I are good.”
I don’t like going to regular vet practices because it’s so stressful for Cosmo. There are so many dogs and cats going in and out, and the last time there was so much barking and a cat crying in the back, that it was just not conducive for a little sensitive one who is a prey animal to be going for peaceful healing care.
But here at this place in Tahoe, it’s complete peace since it’s a private practice so it’s just the vet, me, and Cosmo.
She took her time to learn about him and try a round of different things including acupuncture, non-invasive laser to help with inflammation, something called “Loop” that targets Pulsed Electromagnetic Field Therapy, and did a lot of therapy on his legs as well as Tui Na massage, which is a pinch and roll for the back along the spine.
She also got out different herbs to try and see what he liked, which are good for his blood circulation and warming, along with other healing benefits. Cosmo immediately went for the magickal Angelica, which the doctor was so pleased about saying they always know what they need. She actually snapped a photo of him eating it while receiving acupuncture for her own records. In the office this was the only herb he went for, but since home he’s been enjoying the others she sent me home with too to try.
He also liked the Body Sore pill, which is a Chinese herbal formula that helps synergistically to relieve symptoms of back pain, soft tissue injuries, musculoskeletal pain, and addresses underlying causes of these symptoms. Its an herbal blend to assist in invigorating Qi/Blood where there is stagnation, assist with channel blockage, and relieve pain.
So she sent me home with some of these, along with a container of herbs, and a list of herbs/veggies good to assist with these things I can either continue using (in the case of my already giving him) or add to what I give him.
She even helped assist with shaving some of his matted fur. As I’ve shared before, since he lays on one side all the time and can’t move away from his eliminations, I have to bathe, dry, trim, and groom him. So his fur goes in cycles every few months of being really great and then no matter what you do, getting really matted and eventually needing to shed/peel away. So she helped with that and gave me natural ideas to put on his skin like coconut oil.
Our session ran over time by 25 minutes, but she was so patient in wanting to be thorough and help. And again, not to mention it was such a stress-free zone with no one there but us. So that was greatly supportive to the process.
It was definitely like Cosmo was having a bunny spa day, which makes mom happy and him feeling extra nurtured and loved.
He’s a little king for sure, which I call him….my animal companions I always refer to as Queens and Kings. 🙂
The vet also learned that I am a Reiki Master Teacher and said that if I decide to teach up in Tahoe, she’d be very interested in learning so she can add that to her practice too.
We’re figuring out a routine of sessions for him, which for now will be weekly, then something like biweekly or every three weeks or so for maintenance.
I’ve missed his Orange County vet who was incredible with Cosmo and did acupuncture too for him, because he loved going there and receiving it, but I now feel we have a great doctor here who has even more wonderful things to offer him and minus going into a regular practice. It doesn’t feel like going to a doctor, but truly like receiving special care just like humans do when they go into physical therapy, acupuncture, massage, you name it.
Plus, he’s up at Lake Tahoe – a portal itself to assist with his soul needs and things he is choosing.
Also, the timing of his appointment last week aligned perfectly with his new orthopedic bed I got him, arriving right when I got back from his session. So he was able to stay in that healing, comfy zone from start to finish.
This was also aligned with us being here, because although we could order things and have them shipped to us where ever we were, it had to be timed out just right to ensure arrival while we were some place.
So being here, enabled me not only to get his new bed, but also a new Amethyst Biomat that I’ve been wanting for a long time, which was now able to be shipped and received to where we are. This provides “deep penetrating heat of Far Infrared Rays, Negative Ion therapy, and healing properties of Amethyst” to assist with joint pain, stiffness, muscle pain, arthritis, back pain, and has calming, healing benefits, providing peace and support for body, mind, and soul.
The Biomat will also be woven into Cosmo’s at-home therapy, and of course mom and dad will be using it too.
We have another appointment this week for him and so I’m happy to be able to provide routine, consistent care for a while and am so pleased to keep finding and creating more ways to support his special needs as an incredible soul in an aging rabbit body who is just a wonder to behold.
I’m reminded of how his foster family didn’t want to invest the time and energy into his needs and had felt putting him to sleep was the best option. Hence, the urgency of the woman at the organization that placed him in his foster home, to find someone asap. No one wanted to take him on, or perhaps no one was meant to, but me.
He and I are definitely connected because like Joy and Nestor, he was able to telepathically connect with me and send out a call for help, which I answered in an even more mysterious and profound way. And because of that and knowing I was meant to follow the promptings I felt, this amazing soul in rabbit body with spinal injury, major arthritis, enlarged heart, and inability to walk, had his life extended two years, so far, and still going at 10 1/2 years old.
I shared about how Cosmo and I magickally came together in my very first post about him coming into my life, but here is an excerpt from that as a reminder:
How did this all come about? Well, I would say magickally. I’ll share a little on why.
I mentioned in earlier posts how rabbit energy has increasingly been showing up and due to several dreams, I knew that I wanted to do more for rabbits, as they are so dear to my heart. I do already have an amazing little one, Joy, who is a powerful healer and potent being all around. And I have had two other bunnies in my life, including the magickal Nestor.
After the dreams I knew I wanted to be more active in helping rabbits, so I started volunteer work at a local rescue just a few minutes from my house. Rabbit energy continued to expand and envelope my life from there. Then one day, a week and a half ago, a friend tagged me in a post on Facebook from another rabbit rescue in Los Angeles, Bunny World Foundation.
They had just come into receiving two infant rabbits that were in need of care, with a traumatic story as to how they were now there on their own without mother and two siblings that are no longer on this physical plane.
My friend, like most people, knows that I’m a bunny person, or crazy rabbit lady😉 I constantly see posts like these and normally I will focus my action in sending healing energy, but for some reason I felt compelled to contact the organization and offer even more direct help. I felt drawn to care for them to help them get strong and healthy so they could then be adopted. I sat there and wrote my email, but hesitated hitting send.
On some level I felt something more from this action I was taking and it was like a soul pause taking a moment to check in on making the definitive decision of responsible commitment on a level I was unaware of consciously, as I’m an all or nothing person. I don’t know the meaning of half a–sing things.
So after a minute or two I finally hit send.
It took a couple of days, but I then received an email from the head of Bunny World Foundation, and the rest unfolded from there.
They had found a woman that specialized in infant care, as the infants needed special tube feeding you have to be trained for, but Lejla (the head of Bunny World Foundation) and I ended up having a long conversation connecting about so many mutual things, including knowing the woman who runs Save A Bunny, where I adopted Joy from. We concluded the call by my saying I’d love to help out in any way I can and asked if there was anything special she needed help with.
And then she told me about Blizzy (named this because he reminded his rescuer person who was caring for him when he came to the Human Society of an Oreo Blizzard). (Of course we know Blizzy soon became Cosmo, more appropriately soul named when he came home with me).
Blizzy was in need of a new foster home, as his current foster family was no longer able to care for him. They’d been looking for the last few months for someone and it was crucial he find a home that week.
And of course, here I come along at the right time….I now know that he had called out to me, just as Joy, Nestor, and Gaia had, and I heard his call.
I will say that, like with all things in my life, there is no randomness about it. I sensed this was something big for me…a mission in fact. And that was reiterated the day I picked him up. On my way out a hawk (one of my major animal totems at this time in my life) was sitting on the light post giving me the support, and on the way home, another. But while driving, a dear friend called that knew I was on my way to get him and she was sending me love and support. I said out loud to her, there was just something about this that I knew was so much bigger and I used the word “mission” to describe it.
And immediately after we got off the phone, a song came on and the words said, “it’s more than just a mission….” and at that exact simultaneous moment, I was just crossing over “Mission St.”
I got chills and knew in my heart everything was in divine grace.
And here is some additional background on Cosmo’s story, which I posted back in August:
Small Acts of Compassion Have Far-Reaching Effects
This “mission,” I refer to as, is many-fold and has come to bright light, is being fully acknowledged, embraced, and actualized in embodiment for me, and anchored in while hiking here upon return to Lake Tahoe. This all manifesting as what I’m focused on and investing my energy into now and future to come.
But THAT is a story unfolding in its own divine timing.
Cosmo & the Cosmic Egg

Several days ago this raw quartz found me and as you can see it is quite unique…a perfect Cosmic Egg hatching. The treasure of its core beginning to reveal itself. Its timing couldn’t have been more synchronously aligned with layers of my personal experience and things showing up. It speaks of new realities birthing, sacred union manifest, creative spark of life, love’s boundless alchemy, embodying the keys to freedom, the merging of terrestrial and celestial, and a stargate to understanding the musical architecture of the Cosmos.
Yesterday, was a special day. We arrived in Reno, NV on Wednesday 10/5 where a reunion with my family took place. And the following day my mom, dad, and brother came to visit the Magick Bus.
It was the first time my brother got to tour the Magick Bus and the first time he met our fur babies. In particular, I have wanted him to meet and converge with Cosmo, as they share some key things and I felt their coming together would be a powerful healing alchemy for them both.
My brother loves animals, but he has also had this “old” and I mean “past life old” deterrence/fear around holding them. Yet yesterday also put that to rest when Cosmo worked his loving magick on him and found himself cradled in the innocence of my brother’s essence.
The alchemy pervading the Magick Bus was palpable.
The healing and activation had us all sharing communion in extended silence.
Above you can see Cosmo (who is both of the light (white) and the dark/shadow (black) went into a meditative trance as he was swaddled in love and Reiki both on the receiving and giving end.
My whole family is Reiki trained – my mom and Cosmo both being Reiki Master Teachers and my dad and brother attuned to Reiki Level 1.
Here he’s being held by my mom, who was sitting between my dad and brother….my mom’s and dad’s hands are the ones you see around him….Sacred Feminine and Masculine energies unifying through the Cosmo(s).
A Cosmic Egg is birthed and hatching with fertile, potent potential.
Symbolically, the Egg is not only Potential, but it also represents the Cosmos, the very ground of Being from which we spring. No wonder then that the Rabbit/Hare was at one time considered both male and female. To produce the Cosmo(s), both must be present….
Today we journey to the crystalline purity of Lake Tahoe – a portal of potency that feels to be aligned with this birthing new Cosmic Egg. A place we’ve always considered our home where much has entwined as an exit and entrance point in our lives.
Cosmo is excited to return to where his cherished Joy (my female rabbit who departed Summer Solstice) came into my life, and where his friends Gaia (my Russian Tortoise who departed through the core of the Earth) and Nestor (my twin soul rabbit who departed through Tahoe’s portal) both entered and exited – all sharing this portal home.
The magick is thick in the air.
Small Acts of Compassion Have Far-Reaching Effects

What you may not know about Cosmo is like many other abandoned and neglected animals, he has gone through quite a challenged life and has contributed much to both animals and humans alike. It is those very challenges that aligned him with his path and helped a voice from the voiceless to emerge.
He was dumped at the doorsteps of the Humane Society’s Hollywood Office in a cardboard box with nothing in it and left there with several high risk physical issues that luckily they took care of right away and were able to see him pull through to good health.
Everyone at the Humane Society was overwhelmed by his demeanor, saying he was the sweetest and most loving bunny they had ever met.

Because of his calm, sweet temperament and loving to be held, he became the new ambassador for the Humane Society International – End Animal Testing Campaign in China, being featured with actress Zhu Zhu – the first Chinese celebrity to ever speak out about animal testing in China.
He never had a real home until now, being moved around to foster families. And it was at his last foster home where his spinal injury took place under unknown circumstances, leaving him unable to walk anymore. He also was diagnosed with a lot of arthritis, an enlarged heart (no surprise there since he is pure, ever-giving love in abundance), and onset of cataracts.

His foster family wasn’t committed to nor capable of caring for his special needs, including daily bathing, and through divine alignment, that is when I heard his call and we were brought together.
We bonded the moment I held him the first time, recognizing each other immediately. He had a different name then that was not suited for his soul and immediately I received the whisper it would be changed to Cosmo.

Through patience, commitment, and love, we’ve seen him grow stronger, have huge break-throughs, and in general, but most importantly, come to know he has a forever, loving home. More recently his condition has plateaued and our days are simply filled with making sure he knows only peace and love.
He places complete trust in our bond. We have a relationship that is like child and mother, best friends, soulmates, and spiritual colleagues able to communicate crystal clear through a variety of channels. He is my constant companion.
Now, at almost 10 and a half years old (and a year and 7 months with us already), I am blessed and honored to be able to provide quality care and companionship for Cosmo in his golden years (that’s like 100 in rabbit years), have cherished seeing him experience his first bonding relationship of love and best friend companionship with my now transitioned rabbit, Joy (a first for her too), and have witnessed his gifts flourish, which included standing by proudly while he received his Reiki Master Teacher training from Joy in my presence.

Through his journey and story I’ve been sharing extensively since his arrival with us, he has continued to be of service to many and an example of living in grace despite challenges.
He has and continues to be one of my greatest teachers on a daily basis and I’m so grateful that I can provide him such deserved peace and harmony in his remaining years and time he chooses to be here.
My life was forever changed in the most dramatic of ways when Cosmo – a name that means the whole Universe (from Cosmos), as well as order, harmony, beauty, completeness – walked into my heart again.
And this is how I see him…whole, complete, and beautifully harmonious, exactly as he is.

Never take for granted the power of any small act of compassion, as the effects are beyond your mind’s grasp.

































