Below you will find a timely post that my sweet friend and fellow Reiki Master Teacher, Denise Sheehan of Sage Spirit Coaching shared as a guest blog today by Alluvia Love on new ways of relating from a place of unconditional love. But first, I wanted to share some of my own feelings that her article and recent conversations brought to mind.
There are many ways to “be” in relationship and more and more people are discovering what speaks most naturally to who they are, as they continue to process, work with shadow energy, and start releasing old definitions and conditioning discovered through their personal exploration. This opens up an expansive experience where each person can choose how to create the kinds of enriching relationships that feed their individual and unique souls.
People are feeling freer, more empowered, and joyful when they realize they no longer have to live by certain standards and expectations, and they let go of pressures and unnecessary roles they “have” to play.
The unconventional is becoming more conventional in some ways, as more people embrace their trueness.
Getting married, having children, and finding that “one” person is so beautiful, enriching and wonderful to both the individual and all whom that person touches, yet it isn’t for everyone and isn’t the only or “right” way.
What is ALSO beautiful is knowing who you are, embracing, embodying, and sharing that in the way most expressively mirroring of you and how that translates in the form of relationships and creative “birthing” energy, which makes you a powerful and valuable investor of energy into the collective pool as well, helping to enrich others’ lives because you are living authentically.
As the masks and illusions drop away, we are left with the creative freedom to reinvent our lives, work, relationships, and fulfillment from a place of love within our hearts that speaks to each of us, as is perfect and aligned with personal and collective evolution. However that translates is perfect.
It’s interesting, but not surprising that this post came in today when I was actually sharing about my own way of relating and approaching relationships with a couple of dear people in my life. I’ve been in many relationships and have experienced a lot over the course of my life, playing out things that were not me and me, moving in and out of exploring it all to discover what feels most naturally reflective and mirroring of who I am.
When I didn’t understand myself fully because of being so energetically impressionable and unable to decipher me from others, I fell into roles that ultimately were uncomfortable, unsatisfying, painful, and confining – at times even detrimental to my health, well being, and chosen path I came to live out. Ultimately learning that I find my own satisfaction within my own experience and that relationships are something I choose to share in, but not that I need something from.
I don’t view relationships as needing to supply me with any or all things because I know that is only satisfied by my relationship with myself, which allows me the experience of giving and receiving from that well of wholeness I feel within.
Over the course of my life I have given a lot energetically away to others, as I know many of you have as well, and I’ve learned to give to, and love, myself now. In receiving that nurturing from me, it ultimately results in a reflection of receiving from others as well, in a healthy and perfectly mirroring way without “needs” and attachments.
And like many of you, I’ve tried to go against a lot that I intuitively felt and this has only brought sadness and disappointment because I would try to make something happen that simply wasn’t possible, or had expectations rather than allowing, releasing, and focusing on my own shifts. Eventually this leads me back to a greater understanding of myself, which never is about any one person or relationship, but what that reflects about the core of who I am.
I only have issue with this when I start to define things and place myself in a box that I am never going to fit into or when I focus on things conditionally or in limited perspective to my usual expansive ways of seeing. This takes me to a place that is not of my nature and essence, although is a healthy exploration of shadow and things that come up from others around me that get triggered.
We all have a choice about how we want to create our lives and experiences to be and perhaps that will evolve continually for you, or you’ll find one way that feels most resonating for life and grow within that particular experience played out.
I think the key is to love one another no matter what we choose and to do our best not to add to the pressures, judgments, or criticisms of one another if in fact what someone chooses is completely opposite or incomprehensible to you.
We cannot know, nor live, the journey each person is on and what is important and healthy for them to do. But we can love each other regardless because that is what love is all about, afterall – it does not see with bias.
Anyway, here is Alluvia Love with her insights on new relationships in her article, “Letting Love Lead”:
Relationships/connections are primarily about Love over any individual’s needs and when Love is allowed to lead, individual needs are met. This is possible because Love, and not ego, determines the way individual needs are met in accordance with the needs of the Universal whole. ~ Alluvia Love
Humanity is entering a new relationship paradigm. The new way of connecting with another human has nothing to do with rights, ownership, expectation or exclusivity. It is about learning to let Love lead, about trusting an abundant and life-affirming Universe, and about service to Gaia.
Does the idea of losing control of the other humans around you bring terror? Let your fear guide you to your limiting beliefs about what is a human being and what is our natural role in connecting with one another. If you look around you will see that the only being you can control and own is yourself. Every other being will come and go and live and die on their own path. Even if they make a promise to always be there, it will not be true in a physical sense. Truly we cannot own anything because it is all a temporary manifestation of a life-affirming Universe in which change is the only rule.
Humans seek to create certainty in an uncertain river of life. We create insurance contracts, employment contracts and marriage contracts. Human agreements don’t mean anything to the natural world which will burn, erupt, erode and die. This is what the paradigm shift is all about. Humans have gone too far against nature and the Universe is requiring us to realign with the natural world in order to survive as a species. The paradigm shift is about reclaiming our true human nature so that we can co-exist peacefully and beneficially with Gaia.
So the new paradigm relationship work for humans is all about reclaiming self in connectivity with Gaia. In rediscovering our true sacred nature as humans and our unique life paths as individual sovereign beings in service to the Whole, we also rediscover and reclaim our ability to connect in a life-affirming way with other humans.
Flo Aeveia Magdalena, healer/teacher/author, says it beautifully:
By claiming the self, you learn how to stay in a dedicated space of ritual with your own being. It means that everything you’re living makes sense because it honours everyone at the same time. It honours you and it honours the other person. It frees them from responsibility to make you happy, to have sex with you, to marry you, to give you children, or to be in some way present for you – supporting you financially, emotionally or in any other way. It says, “I’m going to do all this for myself. I’m going to live this in a way that makes sense to me. Every moment from this time forward, my own honouring is my primary focus. If I honour my field in integrity, I live in a fullness that makes me awaken all the time to my own capacities and potentials.” You are creating a reality so that the other person can respond to you from that set of circumstances.
Reclaiming self is the service we all commit to one another in any form of relationship. It is our highest service to “other” and to Gaia. Self-realization takes us out of victim mode (I need you) and stands us firmly in our personal power (I am complete and I want to share my capacity with you). The empowered human always has a unique potential to share, and nothing to demand or expect or exclude.
Exclusion is an old paradigm concept. New paradigm is inherently interconnected and therefore all-inclusive. That doesn’t mean we have to allow what we don’t enjoy in our immediate surroundings. It means we serve the highest purpose for everyone involved. That means if two humans cannot enjoy one another, then they will physically separate themselves by a distance so as not to diminish the vibration/capacity of either. This is an act of courtesy and not fear. Ultimately we will all cease to fear one another. The empowered human has nothing to fear in relationship because she is already complete. Anything the sovereign allows into her realm is Joy to her because she lets Love lead.