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Fears, Mourning & Leaps Into the New

I’m noticing how so many conscious souls are finding themselves in this “recreating self” mode of visioning and embodying new expressions that are most soulfully and heartfully aligned with essence. And this seems to involve a huge rush of expansive possibilities excitingly knocking on the door. So many potentials, so many doors….the question being which to open, and in direct connection, which to close? There are so many potentials to choose from and the beauty is, you can create any reality you want, as the energetic environment is fertile for sure! The key is to make that first choice to take a step forward, which is usually the largest hurdle and may be the one causing the most challenge or fear.

Sure, there is timing, alignment, and flow to be mindful of and definitely honoring that fluidity of energy right now that can shift at the drop of a gnome’s hat, so everything is really about an organic process that reveals itself moment to moment by being in natural harmony with all things.

But there is also that fear hurdle – fear of making the wrong choice, fear of the new, fear of stepping into your most authentic footprints yet, fear of not succeeding, fear of vulnerability in bringing forth the most truest heart parts of yourself into the world in big ways, fear of letting go of what has been comfortable and you’ve become expert at, fear of saying no to opportunities that “seem” different or play on your “service mentality” making you think “what if” this is an exception you can still be involved in, fear of not knowing if what you’re choosing is the end result you want…..and the list goes on.

I know for myself in terms of fears this also equates to my boundaries. I’ve always been one to give and want to help, not had any boundaries as a Pisces, and have spent lifetimes in service roles, and yet now I’m rewriting the idea of “to serve” into something more like “showing up authentically and living from the highest frequency of my soul signature” which automatically is for the highest good of all concerned without having to differentiate and without giving up personal power by placing one, if even by definition, in a subservient or martyr role.

I say “no” to everything that doesn’t feel to feed my creative freedom and joy right now. I stay consistent with that no matter how much something pulls on my heart strings, as I know that when I make the move forward into the new, the old will come at me in many forms and disguises simply because it’s the natural process of cleansing and bringing it up.

If I let one thing in, then the old gets in in slippery ways.

Has that brought up stuff for me? Of course!

Has it challenged me? Definitely!

Have I felt the fears of walking away from successful things? Sure!

But what I found is the more I consistently committed to saying “no” and honoring my boundaries in a truly compassionate way which accounts for true responsibility for the highest good of all concerned, the easier it has been and it becomes crystal clear what is the new and the old, what is the me now and the me then.

So I keep moving forward and the old’s power diminishes, while the strong becomes fortified and my courage and conviction for what I know to be of truest expression to myself grows.

I’ve risked walking away from successful things and even likely having people think I’m crazy, but I’d rather be me than doing something that drains me or that appeases others ideas.

I keep saying no to so many requests from potential clients, because I know in my heart that my heart is not there anymore.

And like many of you, I’ve had that quandary of not knowing where to begin…having so many irons in the fire of ideas and potentials. But as I explored each of them, I discovered where the energy was most speaking to the now, which would likely lead and open doors to more, including the rest, and which currently was the most passion-fulfilling and heart connected in this moment of joyful expression and what was aligned with the collective new reality I’m helping to cocreate.

And so I started there, knowing there is no ONE end result, but it is all an unfolding process that I listen to the energy of in each moment.

I/we need to take a step and the rest unfolds from there….there isn’t a wrong choice. There’s just choice.

If you can’t figure out which speaks most to you, just try one and see if the energy flows, or if it gets blocked and then you’ll be led to the next step.

Or, you’ll discover yourself totally immersed in flow and passionate expression and know you’re in the perfect place for now.

But the Universe waits for you to make a choice and then aligns with you, and that choice will also be evident by the energetic environment and what seems to be showing up, flowing most easily, and likely has had signs thrown at you that you might be ignoring since you are waiting for how all of the things you see will come together now.

That is a process. It all IS happening now, but in a different way than you think.

So the first fear hurdle is making a choice. Once you do that, you will see how things flow and open and become easier to navigate, to feel/see more clearly, and understand.

And yes, I have my own personal vulnerabilities and fears of the new, or rather the self-doubts that creep up. But I’m happy to say that they are outweighed and outlived by my trust in the energy I feel that surpasses the doubts now.

So while they can come into my experience now and then, I am easily able to walk myself through them within minutes and understand them as indication of my willingness to see them and move through them, while also indicating a new found strength, courage, and commitment that is running the show now, rather than the doubts or insecurities.

It’s truly a beautiful process when we partner with ourselves and our subconscious and inner child. We can have honoring and compassionate conversations that result in pure alchemy.

So while in essence the new I’m focusing on is within the umbrella of the creative me I’ve always been expressing, they are new ventures and perhaps in some ways not exactly how people imagined I’d bring it forth. Although, once I do, my guess is that because it is so aligned with my essence, people will likely say, “oh yeah, of course that’s Tania!”.

And yet there is that risk of greater and greater vulnerability to put out there the more we dig deep into the well of our souls and bring it forth publicly.

That can be scary, but it is inevitably freeing and liberating, as you release the self-bondage that’s been heavily carried all these years, or perhaps lifetimes and draining your energy to truly shine and share with the world.

Do I know if what I will create will be what is known in the world as “successful” or equal what I’ve done that was “successful”?

No, but I know it is a success if I’m doing exactly what I know in my heart I’m wanting and needing to do and doing it simply for the sake of it’s being the breath of life for me and not spending and wasting time on trying to figure out how that equates in any other way, as to me that takes care of itself when we are authentically being.

That is MY idea of success….when I’m living a life from my heart and every day is a joy to be expressing myself and experiencing my version of reality.

So that brings us to mourning.

When we’re creating the new we may go through a process of mourning the old….whether an old way of life, a relationship, any kind of experience of loss, a job, a home, or a part of ourselves.

This is natural and goes along with the fear process, as when we mourn, we may also have fears brought up that go hand-in-hand with it of thinking we will never again experience something like that again or that it never gets any better, that you’ll never experience what you want, etc.

And the truth is, you won’t experience something like that again.

But you’ll experience something better, which you can’t imagine right now from the place of your current, natural mourning, cleansing, and releasing of the old process.

Everything is relative to where we are currently.

The new is only possible to experience in the essence of our imagination, but will be even better than what you envision.

I always intend things to be “this or something better,” as I never limit myself to what I am only capable of seeing/thinking/imagining at the moment, as possibilities are unlimited.

But yes, we will mourn and that is something to honor for sure, while having gratitude for all that we’ve experienced and have been blessed with whether seen as gifts or not – because they all are and have helped us get to this point – and we will go through that human heart process of temporary growing pains for sure.

Let it flow….and it will flow through.

I have this going on in very literal ways with processing my own mourning of Cosmo, not long after mourning Joy – my two rabbit best friends and wise teachers who recently transitioned within four months of each other.

And they, to me, represent the passage of an old era of me, and mourning so much more than the beautiful physical companionship we shared.

Joy especially ended a time period of my life since she came into my life over 7 years ago when so much was shifting for me.

And Cosmo ended another huge shift in my life that came to closure with the new self-discovery journey and the Magick Bus explorative adventure to move energy into the new.

And yet they both knew exactly when to leave this Earth plane, as I’m embarking on the new and they’ve ingrained the knowing of my soul path most deeply to prepare for what’s coming. They know how best to support me from the other realms for magickal assistance and channeling.

With each passing of my beloved soul companions – Nestor, Joy, Cosmo and Gaia the tortoise, I’ve always thought I’d never have that connection again, and yet each time I did and it deepened.

Yes, I’ve been challenged in my heart, even though I know with all my heart and soul they are with me so strongly and not gone at all. I’ve had a lot of mourning with Cosmo especially due to our daily intimate connecting on a constant basis that was very physical as well as spiritual.

But the sadness is true alchemy for me, as I channel it all in greater depth of creative self expression and even deeper knowing of myself and my path and this shows up in what I bring through me, as it does for us all.

It is through the beauty of mourning, which reminds me of Gaelic “keening” that one’s exquisite soul expression comes to graceful surface. Keening is a deep soulful, eerily beautiful lamenting song that is expressed by women in Ireland and Scotland at funerals and in honor of the “dead”.

And so, I keen a song of honor of all that was and is, as a beautiful and divine tapestry that brings us to the culmination of all that IS in the now.

Through acknowledgment and embrace of our fears, through the natural process of grieving, through loving ourselves and honoring what is in our hearts, through courageous steps, we make leaps into the new.

You do not have to see the end result.

You do not have to know how this story will unfold.

You simply need to get writing it.

As they say, a writer writes…..If you want the new to take form, then get writing it, one word, paragraph, and page at a time.

It gets easier as you let the “stuff” gently glide off your shoulders. You don’t need to carry it with you forward. If you hold onto the weight, your wings can’t open and take to flight.

I’d like to see you fly. I’d like to see us all fly.

And so the best way I can do that is to open my own wings.


The Labyrinth of Change ~ Dreaming New Realities into Being


This is the view from the bedroom and what I’ve been waking up to the last few mornings.

I’m constantly in gratitude for the changing environment I find myself in and especially for Nature’s beauty in all of Her splendor that has nurtured a stronger sense of embodiment within my experience.


It’s like a dream each day, but one made into reality and this ever-changing “dreamy” scene that greets me in the morning reminds me of where I’ve come from and how much has changed because of my willingness to believe, dream big, and not allow anything to tell me that I can’t do something.

Well, they can tell me, but I know that’s not my story and that I carry the power within me to create my own version of reality, even if that were to potentially place me on a different, but parallel plane immersed in my own visionary ideals.

Change continues to rapidly strike like lightning in my life, and I know the same is true for others.

Some big change is on the horizon and unfolding in the next few months here for me/us and for now I’m keeping it within our experience, so as to really marinate in the energy and allow it to organically evolve from within the new reality birthing. But I will share it soon.

For now, I am just really sinking into how much I find the process of change to be a gentle and oh-so-enjoyable one.

I used to go through difficulties, or more prolonged periods of integrative time with change. But mostly I found that that challenge wasn’t really about how I processed change, but how I used to experience the challenge of utilizing my energy to make others okay with my changes, rather than just fully enjoying them and using that energy to fuel the new showing up.

I no longer do that. I no longer worry and I don’t have guilt around the fact that change comes easy for me.

I also find that we aren’t supposed to “see” what is ahead, but only given the ability to “know” of the moment and to trust what is in the heart and that any choice made from here will always be the most harmonious and supported one for the highest good of all concerned.

I am trusting whole-heartedly in what I know in my heart I feel to choose and I see magick unfold, reiterate, and support that constantly when I do.

I recently had shared this with a dear friend that every moment is shifting into a new one based on creative and heart-joy choice alone and that life is a constant labyrinth in creation. You choose to go one direction and the whole labyrinth shifts in that moment….passages close, paths move, new passages open…and it’s all actually quite phenomenal and fun when you get out of your head and sink into your essence.

I have noticed that the more I shift, the more I notice dynamics deepening in terms of a very pronounced canyon between experiences people are having.

This in part is simply the showing up of change truly taking form, as the stronger you are within your understanding and experience of life, you call up, see, or hear of anything and everything different to that lighting up big time on the other spectrum.

The stronger new things get, the more pronounced old paradigms are fighting for survival.

This isn’t indication of you’re having done something wrong, that the world is about to explode, or that you aren’t in the new…it is simply the way of energy working itself out within that labyrinth.

So continue moving in the flow of the change you’re creating, with love, compassion, and understanding for where you’ve come from and what is part of the whole for embracing into the alchemy of your new reality for empowerment.

Making Dreams A Reality

We all have dreams, whether we admit it or not, and I’m just like you constantly working toward the manifestation of my own. This is a brief overview of things that have worked and didn’t work for me while manifesting the realities I desire to experience. They are some of the fundamentals that have consistently created the dreams into being from small to large in my own life. You can build your own process that works for you.

I do understand that we are uniquely different and so, in turn, have different ways of doing things. So you need to find what works for you through your own explorations.

I also know that some things are very challenging – more for some people than for others.

However, I also know that any hurdle CAN be surpassed.

You may think I have always been a doer or that I freely express myself, don’t care what others think, or am an extrovert.

None of that is true.

I am an introvert, but I’ve learned to hone in on the gift of that.

My introversion was so bad in my earlier years that I had extreme shyness, would hardly make a peep out of my mouth, and literally was sick with nervous anxiety (creating a permanent acidic environment in my stomach that plagued me with stomach aches – that for another story) most of the time from my over-sensitivities, fears, and shyness…all of which reeked havoc on me – one of which was through my skin, which I touched briefly on in my previous video: The Most Powerful Beauty Secret and the rest was through inhibiting my ability to put myself out there in any way, hindering my ability to speak up and share my truth, causing me to look for things in all the wrong places, and preventing me to go after my dreams, as I had these invisible chains of fear that held me back any time I tried.

So, I DO understand the challenges and I DO know that they are not impossible to move through. And I DO know that the way we think we are now, isn’t necessarily who we really are.

Doing the inner work has always been the key for me in revealing who I really am and in working through and integrating those layers of fear and illusions of who I thought I was or who I thought I could never be because of that debilitating fear.

While we may all be unique, and you’ll find your own ways that work for you, I believe we all have the ability to manifest things when we unlock our trueness.

Sometimes “doing” is simply in the “being”.

So while I speak of action, that can manifest in different ways for each.

Stillness is also being and doing.

And when you are authentically in the stillness of being, you will be a clear channel for receiving, for knowing when to take other kinds of action, to hear the messages, and align with divine timing, place, and action that will create the alchemy for manifesting your dreams.

This was the theme of June’s newsletter I put out yesterday. I added more about things that I do to support living my dreams and I felt them important to share here since I know everyone is working toward dreams of their own and collectively, the more we can all start living more creatively empowered, we can create new realities and shift things here on Earth.

So, if you don’t receive my newsletter, here it is: Making Dreams A Reality

And here is this month’s video share on the same theme.


New Horizons – New Moon in Gemini May 28th, 2014

Tania Marie in EcuadorThere is a challenging aspect to this New Moon in Gemini, as it is a Neptunian New Moon, which means that although we are feeling ready to clarify our thoughts, ideas, feelings, and actions, the dreaminess of Neptune in Pisces can result in potential fog, unless you can embrace and flow with it, engaging its creative ability to help you to imagine greater and more possibilities than you may have arrived at. Otherwise, you may get caught in the confusion and illusion, remaining stuck in believing the fantasy and seeing what you want to see, rather than your authentic truth.

So rather than experience rude awakenings from denial of self and others, we can engage our truth by remaining grounded, while keeping open to higher potential. Be willing to take the risks with the knowing you are supported.

Neptune energy can also create that “Oneness” experience to everything and that could keep you flowing in this sort of suspended ocean of spaciness. Perhaps this may be part of my own shifts I’ve had in my Crown and Third Eye area (aside from being very Cosmically engaged these days) where I’m becoming even more fluid in my experience of everything to the point of liquid fluidity. This doesn’t have to be a deterrent, as it can, if harnessed, help you to relax into greater flexibility and flow when the so-called chaos feels unbearable. Rather than over-work the mind and nerves, allow the energy to move through you.

All of our “stuff” is coming up and out, and while that seems a bit icky, it is also so truly wonderful, as it reveals that the transformation is more than well on its way.

This is a time when many are experiencing or seeking new starts in some or all areas of life, and starting to embrace the true freedom of what these entail. Going with the flow of your heart guidance is always a good bet and releasing attitudes, while changing your actions as a direct result, will align you more consistently.

You may experience new things in the realm of communication, ideas, thoughts, mental patterns, travel, and technology – all Gemini ruled. It’s also a time to be mindful of your hands, arms, shoulders, lungs, and nervous system that are equally Gemini ruled.

Keep balanced and breathe through the experiences, so you don’t overwork your nerves, and so that you can avoid any verbal lashing out or challenges to these areas.

Pinpoint where you’ve been stubborn and unyielding, as you engage different perspectives with the Gemini energy to expand your ideas. If others still feel angry or stay stuck in theirs, that’s their choice. You have the ability to choose your own reality that can keep you moving forward into new potentials of greater freedom, which in effect will aid them in doing the same by your example.

Think butterflies that constantly move from one flower to the next, spreading the energy of their fullness in action.

This is a time to create new understandings, agreements, commitments, and overall new sense of freedom and clarity.

Detachment becomes a focus. This is something I’ve been engaging more and more, which truly does move me through the energy much more quickly. When something unexpected happens that triggers a feeling, I quickly find myself able to experience the freeness available in the situation. Rather than it being debilitating and limiting, creative energy is meant to be moved through and realized that yet greater things are in our potential to create.

What “was” no longer matters. Only what “is” in each moment truly does.

As I shared with a dear friend yesterday, “We are Creators who can recreate new experiences continually. It’s a constant deconstructing and renewal process.” And of course I added my infamous, “Weeeeeeeeee!” LOL

So listen to what the needs of your body are expressing. Be gentle with yourself, rest, eat and move your body well, spend time outdoors, express your thoughts and feelings in writing if not able to share verbally, engage your creative energy, engage in meaningful reflection, quiet time, and communication with others, and keep present in the awareness of your breath and stories running in your mind.

Just because someone engages an argument, doesn’t mean you have to energetically meet them. Detachment and present awareness of your own truth will be helpful.

Curiosity and wonder is always supportive too, as is doing things that calm your nerves. This involves patience and self-awareness, as well as honor for the space others have to express themselves.

Neptune’s influence can assist us in enhancing our connection to our insights and intuition, but the key is listening and trusting it when it gently whispers. To help any spacey feeling that is being more of a deterrent than an aid, ground yourself and immerse in nature. I can’t share that enough. Your connection with Mother Earth is vital in creating well-being and harmony that will have wide-reaching effects beyond simply yourself.

And don’t limit yourself. Neptune also provides that far-reaching ability to see expansively, and along with Gemini’s capacity to see two sides, you can either choose to get stuck in indecision, or you may be able to propel into untraveled territory of opportunity because you have the benefit of looking beyond limitations.

New horizons await you.

Rewriting Your Habits – Make “Being” the New Routine

We have learned to make a practice of many things out of habit and yet we aren’t in the habit of “being.”

We also don’t realize how every thing we say, do, think and feel have become habitual, which detracts from our innate abilities to “see.” Without being present in the awareness of the now, you lose conscious awareness that in each moment you actually have the opportunity to choose differently – new ways of speaking, behaving, doing, thinking and feeling – and to turn the tables of perspective. What is “out there” that is bothering you that you aren’t acknowledging “in here” about yourself? Everything has a message.

If you take a moment to briefly view yourself when you are about to do, say, think, or feel something, you can instantly create a powerfully pivotal potential for a probably reality that is more aligned with your natural authenticity.

If you make it a regular practice to choose with conscious awareness then it will become your way of life, just as everything else has so far. We are definitely well-versed in the habits of doing, as in routines we have been conditioned into, and dwelling or brooding, as in holding to or indulging in things rooted in the past or future. Yet, we have simply forgotten how powerful we innately are and how to “be” this.

Everything seems to have this finite quality, that makes no sense in an infinite universe. Is it any wonder why things don’t flow when we operate completely out of context to the realm we are naturally and collectively part of? And the more we don’t have the courage to even be curious about exploring something outside of our comfort zones, the more we blindly follow the herds of other unconscious decision-makers.

Whether conscious or unconscious, it all still is a choice that we make on some level. In any moment we can snap our fingers, pinch our cheeks, shake our heads and say, “This is the moment, I choose to write a new chapter” and then proceed to do so.

Me at the sacred ruins of Machu Picchu

Our ideas of time play a pivotal role as well. Everything seems to have these time limits run by a clock that has nothing to do with the natural harmony of things. It simply creates shackles of stress we carry and become tied to relentlessly, until we realize our ability to break free. Our concepts of time also ingeniously create the reason for “not living for the now,” putting off everything, and not living your potential. You give yourself the out and excuse for not being all you can be and shining your light because it’s just not time yet. But just when exactly is that magical time you can give yourself permission to “be” you?

I used to experience similar when I was operating from a limited, conditioned perspective and creating unnatural stress demands to fit into this notion of time. However, I have interestingly noticed the concept of “time” shifting, especially in dream “time.” There is definitely an acceleration taking place, but I’m also simultaneously experiencing the eternal moment that is drawing out time into a new experience of limitlessness. Likely this is mirroring both personal and collective shifts taking place.

In the past I’ve always felt like I hadn’t gotten enough sleep and the night went by in a flash and if I woke in the night and saw the clock, it was like, where did time fly? I wouldn’t feel I slept that long and that time had passed me by, and here I was exhausted and with another day of things contrived to do in time schedules.

However, this has reversed. I wake feeling like I slept long, greet the day in good spirits, and when I wake during the night I feel I’ve slept a whole night or for hours and that so much has taken place, and yet the clock has shown me asleep only an hour or two at a time. It leaves me in awe of how much I accomplished in my dreams and how deeply I slept in a short time period, still feeling refreshed and rested. This has carried over into my “waking” day as well.

All concepts of time are not part of the new experience. It is just the eternal moment that is. And in that eternal moment, to be present with how we are “being,” and choosing consciously and authentically, as well as finding the beauty, miracle and perfection of things now – not thinking how they will be perfect, when, if, etc.

Things are rapidly shifting indeed, and are channeling in different ways for each. Aside from noting that dream time is slowing down, I lose track of what day it is, the time, and can’t even remember simple things that just happened a couple days or hours ago, because, as we’ve heard over and over, this moment is so prevalent and is the only point of power. Everything can be shifted and transformed right here and now. And it is!

This is the reality in my own experience of life on all levels of work and personal relating. So many amazingly beautiful things have emerged and are developing, all from being anchored presently and consciously within my own experience and reality, despite anything, everything, and everyone around me and living my “beingness” more and more. Every aspect of my life has shifted and anything that my ingenious self-sabotaging ways (as we all have cleverly devised to avoid the really powerful core stuff) were amplifying for me, I took heart of their message and courageously faced, enabling me to harness creative alchemy into a mirror of my relationship with self. And the more this takes place, the more everything I desired is, and will continue to keep, manifesting. We all have this ability. It just needs to be exercised.

Staying rooted in the habits we have created that are unnaturally produced, can rob of our ability to be in the moment of our fullness and to feel the joy in even the smallest of things or from the most unusual of places you wouldn’t think they’d be. The awareness of simple pleasures reveals the miracle of life and the abundance of magic always present.

Wouldn’t it be of benefit to cultivate heightened awareness so that you embody the “habit of being” and find everything in life to have meaning? The only reason everything may seem to lack meaning is because you haven’t discovered the root of the meaning within yourself.

You can rewrite your book – including all of your experiences and ways of relating with self and others – by willing to courageously receive the good that is in front of you and start anew now.

The other day a man asked me what I thought was the best time of life.  “Why,” I answered without a thought, “now.”  ~David Grayson

Transformation can only take place immediately; the revolution is now, not tomorrow. ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

We are always getting ready to live but never living.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. ~Abraham Maslow

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