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Kill the Buddha & Become

I’m sharing last night’s dream for what ever it’s worth and what I, personally, took away from it. As always, please derive your own messages.

I was carrying two things in my hand. I don’t remember what one of them was, but the other was a small sacred box.

It reminded me of, and I thought at first it was, the cedar box my Nestor’s ashes are in, but it turned out to be a different sacred box, with a handle at top and I realized I was carrying the ashes of Buddha in it.

Then, someone was tattooing my face, but it felt larger than it is. What they were tattooing were giant black eyebrows in the shape you see of Buddha’s and the Buddha Eyes. So I had these larger than life black tattooed eyebrows and somehow I proportionately shifted into a much larger size to wear them.

I feel this is about enlightenment being to symbolically “kill” the Buddha and BECOME.

In addition, what we think of reality is an impermanent illusion and when you feel you’ve arrived at some idea or “correct” version of enlightenment, “killing” that idea, detaching from it, and continuing to creatively expand into other realms of possibility may be of great growth potential.

The dream reflects on a Middle Way, or other continuously evolving potential versions and realities that exist outside of duality, which has pervaded my explorations more greatly of late.

East Meets West at Hsi Lai Temple ~ Humanistic Buddhism

buddhist temple15Changing things up a bit, Sunday felt to be a day for a different kind of inner connecting and so I found myself at the Hsi Lai Temple about 40 minutes from where I live. This is a beautiful Buddhist Temple sitting atop the hills of Hacienda Heights on 15 acres overlooking the San Gabriel Valley, tucked back from the rest of the world – both in, but not of the world in a way. It is founded by the Venerable Master Hsing Yun who established it on the foundations of Humanistic Buddhism.buddhist temple9

“Humanistic Buddhism is the teaching of the Buddha. It affirms that the Buddha was born in this human world, cultivated himself in this human world, was enlightened in this human world and taught human beings in this human world the way to experience Nirvana (freedom from suffering) in this human world and not apart from this human world. The Buddha taught that it is through our humanity that we will attain Buddhahood – full Enlightenment. As the Vimalakirtinirdesa Sutra says, ‘The Dharma is found amongst people.’ Hui Neng (638-713), the Sixth Patriarch of Ch’an (Zen) Buddhism said, ‘The Dharma is to be found in this world and not in another. To leave this human world to search for the Dharma is as futile as searching for a rabbit with horns.’ Humanistic Buddhism teaches that one can live fully in this human world and practice Buddhism at the same time. The two endeavors are not separate but support each other perfectly by enabling one to cultivate the wisdom that clearly understands the true nature of reality. Venerable T’ai Hsu once said, ‘When you become fully human, you will become a Buddha (who we are already). That is the living meaning of truth.’ Thus, Humanistic Buddhism encourages one to integrate the Buddha’s teachings of tolerance, loving-kindness, compassion, joyfulness, and equanimity into our lives for our benefit and for the benefit of all beings.” ~ 

buddhist temple10I don’t practice any particular system of faith or worship, but I do respect and find a lot of the basic foundations of Buddhism, especially Humanistic Buddhism, to be in line with some of my own core values and beliefs, therefore it resonates to be in this energy. However, that can be said in terms of many systems of faith and religion, when you take a look at their core, aside from all the other “stuff”.

There are underlying, shared foundations you can find construed in the guise of a particular branch of devised thought that has perhaps formulated through ego motivations and as a result of our need to create ways to truly learn about ourselves through the disentanglement of these illusions.buddhist temple3

That said, I personally choose to follow only the guidance of my own heart and soul, embrace the things that resonate and leave the rest behind, create my own path and spirituality, live life as a walking meditation I work daily at embodying, and honor the varied differences in beliefs, realizing the illusion of that separation.

buddhist temple11Sunday I found myself in a different energetic space sort of neither here, nor there, and walking a path of the pure void. And in light of my recent dream, “White Conch and a Dream“, being called to visit the Temple, which I don’t believe I have since perhaps I was a child, felt aligned.

buddhist temple13The grounds are really lovely and a $7 donation will provide you an equally lovely all-you-can-eat veggie buffet served and created with love by the monks – great for vegans and vegetarians alike to enjoy a nourishing meditation.

tania hsi lai templeThere are a lot of classrooms, conservatories, gardens, beautiful architecture, a lovely Pagoda in the back, a lot of stone, carved, and golden statuary, small museums, and gift shop on the grounds.

buddhist temple2There are self-guided and guided tours, or you can simply let yourself be guided to explore the grounds, as I was.

buddhist templeThere were times I looked out over the vista with the temple rooftops against the sky and I was taken back to my time in Thailand for some reason, and felt for a moment not in the Los Angeles area, which was nice, as I’m feeling called to a very explorative space right now.buddhist temple6

The Main Shrine area, where I sat a bit in inquiry and openness to my inner guidance, has three large statues as the focal energy of the Shrine. They include Sakhyamuni Buddha in the center (the historical Buddha), Amitabha Buddha to the left (teacher of the Western Pure Land), and Medicine Buddha on the right (teacher of the Eastern Pure Land of Pure Crystal or Lapis Lazuli Radiance).

Hsi Lai Temple Main Shrine (2)

Photo of Hsi Lai Temple Main Shrine by – you can’t take photos inside, so this is the only one that is not my photo

I was drawn to sit on the right, realizing after I sat there, that it was the Medicine/Healing Buddha I’d been called to. I found this interesting in light of the fact that my crystal workshop last Saturday had focused on sharing about the Healing Buddha and the connection with Lapis Lazuli, getting briefly into some esoteric information.

buddhist temple5Ultimately, they are reflections of ourselves and the Buddha/or enlightened Beingness within each of us. Hence, they are not to be glorified/deified, but to be reflections of your own radiance.

And one can explore aspects of their Divine self in sacred spaces like this, although any where you are can be sacred, since that is a state of being, in my opinion, found within.

In respect of the Temple grounds, make sure to honor the dress code if you decide to visit, which you can find at the link below about information on Hsi Lai Temple.

tania hsi lai buddhist templeThis I did, and although I am a bit of a chameleon by nature, it is interesting to see myself in these photos. My dear “sister” Laura Bruno was giggling when I first shared them with her via text (to show her the skirt she gifted me that came in handy this day), commenting on how prim and proper, as well as innocent I looked without all my tattoos showing – yes, I clean up well I guess, whatever that means.

We shared a laugh however, when I mentioned how I of course had my own little way to embody both the light and shadow integrated that day. I simply must stay true to who I am and what I hold sacred. I think Buddha just might have been smiling at my embodiment of his true teachings. 🙂 I actually received a little humorous nudge of acknowledgment on this. buddhist temple4

If you’re in the area and would like to visit the Temple, here is a link to information you’ll find helpful, which includes special events and class schedules:

Hsi Lai Templebuddhist temple14


White Conch and a Dream


My Bodh Gaya Buddha Asian Statue in the garden – Bodh Gaya is considered the most holy place on Earth for followers of the Buddhist faith and the place where Gautama Buddha is said to have obtained Enlightenment


Dream time has been SO potent these days. I’ve always been a very complex, vivid, and creative dreamer, but something about the energy and experiences more recently has been amped up and really shifting gears. The dreams are becoming more reality than the waking reality.

As a Pisces, I live daily with the energy that seems to be around and more accessible to others right now with Neptune acting out of people’s first house these days – that of seeming to be lost to others and living in a dream – but oh if they only knew. This state of oneness and painting constant new shades of grey is something we are all learning to claim more access and connection to.

And my dreams are where much processes, connections and healing take place, prophetic experiences reveal themselves, telepathy happens, and a lot of transformative journeying takes form.

There’s been an upswing of even more prophetic and remote viewing dreams, people coming into my dreams and my seeing/receiving messages exactly pertaining to what they are going through, seeing things that I physically never have in this life, but exactly relate to specifics that when I share my dreams with those involved turn out to be accurate realities, and then the amp up of cosmic dreams and this spiritual rebirthing taking place.

There were several nights in a row recently where I was having a series of powerful dreams, which included September 17th’s dream I posted about: White Jaguar and a Dream. The next night I was in Cancun, Mexico receiving pieces to the night before’s dream. Then the day after, a powerful remote viewing dream that included a dear friend of mine and quite the message of what had been our mission in this life. It included seeing a house that no longer stands and the sacred artifacts that used to be in it that have now disappeared. All of which I had no idea about and I was able to detail, especially one particular piece, as well as the message of what evolved in the dream in terms of its meaning for what is happening in this vortex area and what needs to be done.

The next night after, on September 20th, I had this dream that I will be sharing momentarily.

I hadn’t had opportunity until now to write about it, but it lingers with me very clearly…they all do when they are important and vivid. And since, I’ve also received some interesting connections with it, although I still have not fully processed its meaning in entirety, as that is an evolving journey and I’m learning it comes through my sharing, staying aware to the signs, as well as hearing from others who have been expressing the vivid connections that reveal more when they read what I write about them.

But first, one thing I didn’t mention in my White Jaguar and a Dream post, in case it wasn’t inferred enough, was that there was a cosmic/extraterrestrial connection to what was happening and those who attended around me. Some people I have spoken to had understood that to be what I was detailing, but I thought I would be clear about that now.

I won’t go into specifics, but one thing I’ve been feeling lately is that my original mission (and that of others) is complete and it’s time to move into the next phase, which is even more aligned with essence and bringing about the reality and true nature of the cosmic emanation that is me in this human body.

I do not always clearly see my cosmic family in detail, but am aware of their presence. Sometimes they come as they are, and other times they come through in forms that will symbolically be meaningful for the dream remembrance, which I believe happened in this latest one. I do believe we are being assisted in our journeys we chose before incarnating, being prepared for what’s next, as well as communicating mutually valuable contributions from what is learned and needed.

I’m quite accustomed now to vulnerably sharing, as I feel the importance of that increasingly. So it doesn’t much matter to me if others think that sounds crazy, as we all have our own experience of what is reality and what we know, based on personal experience. This is the only gauge one can use IS personal experience. Simply put, if you experience something someone else hasn’t, or at least something they don’t remember ever having experienced, that doesn’t mean it is not real. There is currently no measure to prove things that are not tangible to those who need tangible or scientific proof, except personal experience. And we who experience and know certain things simply need to come to terms with our own peace about that.

However, all of that is changing little by little. So hang in there everyone who is experiencing the “different and unexplainable” and know that others are as well, but just may be afraid to talk about it or don’t understand it yet enough to feel comfortable to.

With that said, I’ll now move into sharing about the dream from the 20th that I found quite fascinating. I’ll write it without much interpretation, as I’m finding it best to just share what happens and what some of the puzzle pieces are, but allowing interpretation to be as individual as the experiences of these dreams actually are.

The dreams always emerge from where ever I need to remember them starting and end where ever I need to remember them ending. This dream began as an interweaving of symbolic every day events, infused with other-worldly events in the guise of the every day. Again, likely to serve its message and purpose in a way that would be of most benefit, as well as in a way that would provide the most learning in the process of ciphering through the layers for meaning.

So, I remember it was very early in the morning and that I had a tight schedule of things to do before I was heading out on a flight somewhere (a flight apparently that I had either missed or had been delayed once already, reminding me of my travel to Alaska). My flight was around 8:30 am or so, or that’s when I needed to be at the airport, and I had an appointment in the morning to get to at around 5:30 or 6:00 am.

In my dream I was getting ready to leave from a place I was staying/living, which was elsewhere than where I am currently and unfamiliar to me, and I was going over my timing in the dream, ensuring it will all mesh to get me to my flight promptly. I had the feeling that the appointment I had was something like going to a chiropractor or acupuncturist…something of that nature. And I knew it would only be an hour and I’d be out and on my way.

I think I either was taken by taxi and dropped off, or the person I was traveling with dropped me off on their way to do other things until the flight. Which ever it was, I arrived at some kind of facility or tall building that felt to be in a city, and which had many spaces/”offices” in it, but I was going to the one that was of some kind of alternative healing place. I remember walking into a room immediately from the street – not really sure how I got there upon entering the door – which was quite sizable, but pretty stark and white. Seemed like a dark journey to arrive to the room.

It had couches set up in a circular or oblong sort of shape with table at center. I remember taking a seat on one couch at mid-point center and there were six others present – three females and three males.

Each of them sat at a different couch, some were smaller like love seats, and others a bit larger, like the one I was on, but they were very plain, stark, modern and again, the room was without decoration. I remember that two of the males were seated (the head one in front of me and the other to my right), as were the three females (two of them together on one couch to my left and one to the right between both of the males), but one male seemed to be in the background behind me as an observer.

I couldn’t make any details out of their physical appearance, as I mentioned that doesn’t always seem to be as important as the presence I know to be there. Except for one of them, whom I later ascertained was the head of this group, seemed to be of Asian origin. This was one of the males. I remember dark black hair (or just black at top of head) and just the essence of Asian, but actually did not see details of his face. So truly it may have been energetic more than anything of what he symbolized.

I realized that what I thought to be an appointment for one thing, turned out to be quite another. I had closed the door on one reality and entered a very different one when I walked into this room.

What took place next was a long session of me sharing a lot of important things about my experiences. Things that I had gone through in this life, my processes, what I had learned….I knew this is what I was there for and not to receive some “adjustment” or any kind of “treatment”. I just kept communicating and sharing until I felt done, as if I knew exactly what they were wanting to know and hear. Not sure that this actually happened verbally, or if it was telepathic, as it was happening fast.

I just kept relaying to them all of the important things I’d experienced and learned, observed and processed, meanings, feelings, etc. And while I did so, they listened intently, but they also were engaging in their own process. There was a sense of them being like scientists or record keepers.

What I noticed was that each of them had a large notepad on their lap that they would mark on every time I spoke about something in particular or reached a certain place that gave cause to write about. They did this in unison throughout the entire time I shared. And although I hadn’t at first been aware this is what I had come to do, it was apparent I knew what I was there to do.

Finally I reached the end of my sharing and the head Asian essence being gestured to the others. At that point they all turned their large notepads around and I then saw they were actually large drawing pads of blank white paper and on each of them was a simple, clean drawing.

Here is the fascinating part….the drawing on every single one of their pads was the same. And it became clear to me what they had been engaged in. As I spoke, they were tuning in to the essence and vibration of what I shared and with each important part of the process they would make one vibrationally matched curve, line, piece of the drawing. And the next one would connect to that and so on and so forth. So that by the end of my sharing, it created a complete drawing of something that matched the vibration of the entirety of my share, piece by piece put together like a puzzle.

This reminded me of what I do with the sacred tattoo designs for clients. But this was something that they had been training in, under the direction and guidance of the head Asian being. So I realized while they were themselves facilitating in this process, they were also under tutelage, and I also realized that I was teaching them as well through the information I was bringing, as well as this process that was one I knew well.

But back to the drawing. I clearly saw that every one of their drawing pads had the exact same picture, which was a simple line drawing of a large conch shell, but specifically drawn in such a manner that would trigger me to remember where I’d seen this particular conch before. I realized already the symbolism of a conch, but there was more to this, as it wasn’t just a simple conch.

So, what I had shared, created a conch, with a spiral top that was a little more elegant than what you see pictured here with almost a crown-like effect to its spiral, but it looked much like this, otherwise, except for being on its side:

The Right Turning Conch

I’ll get back to that later.

After seeing this I then engaged the head being in some conversation and he then proceeded to show me another image that he had on his personal drawing board, separate to the simple conch, as he communicated the words “Twin Tower” to me. This is very similar to what he showed me, but I remember it in color this time:

conch sell thoughts of the buddha










Although, for some reason I was seeing it more like two of these elongated conch shells intersecting like the ribbons here and separating at top with two spirals, but stemming from one central, shared part. But when I saw this image later, it was so similar and triggered a connection instantly, hence it may be what I was meant to be reminded of, but also having layers of meaning due to how I saw it, and the phrase he used to describe it.

I remember inquiring as to his suggestion with this, as we discussed something relating to the unity within self of our parts, light and dark integration, and even twin souls.

Some might say it is reference to the “Twin Towers”…well, that might be, but I specifically remember it as “Twin Tower” – singular, not plural. It felt to be like a Tarot card that simply by its image it would be like a key to unlock mysteries within and also was specifically conveying something for me.

So something to ponder, but I was feeling our conversation was more the meaning we discussed and it was evident we could convey much through symbolism, images, and vibrations – far more than need of words. Of course not surprising to me and most welcome.

I then remember the “other reality” calling me. And it prompted me to look at the time, which I then realized was way past my time to get to the airport, as rather than the 1 hour I thought I’d be there, I’d been there for more like 5 or 6 hours. Time flew by in what seemed like a timeless moment, and I knew I had missed my flight, again.

And there my dream ends, as far as what I remember, but it is still as vivid as when it happened, just like the other dream I shared.

Later that day, after I woke from being deeply within dream state, I was at the beach at the water’s edge looking at rocks and shells. I picked up a spiral shell with most of its inner mother of pearl revealed, from the outer brown layer that had worn off. And it then hit me that I knew this conch and the image from my dream, so I did a search on my cell phone and immediately found what I was looking for.

This symbol they had drawn was one of the Eight Auspicious Symbols of Buddhism. Was this the reason for the “Asian” essence of the one head male being?

The symbol is the Right-coiled White Conch (there is that “white” again, like in my other dream with the white Jaguar) – in Sanskrit shankha; Tibetan dung dkar.

This conch symbolizes “the spread of the teachings of the Dharma (principle of cosmic order/natural universal laws and those in harmony with it and the teachings of Buddha) and an awakening from the slumber of ignorance.”

When it spirals to the right this is rare and considered especially sacred, believed to echo the celestial motion of the sun, moon, planets, and stars, as well as the hair whorls on Buddha’s head, his fine body hairs, the conch-like swirl of his navel, symbolizes his throat and melodious voice, and long curl at his third eye (interesting that just the day before I had completed a sacred tattoo design for a client where I was drawn to include a Buddha head with spiral curl at third eye). It also “appears as an auspicious mark on the soles, palms, limbs, breast, or forehead of a divinely endowed being”.

The right coiling white conch also symbolizes the deep and far-reaching melodious sound of the truth of Dharma teachings that spreads in all directions and when heard, not only awakens, but urges accomplishing your own and others’ welfare.

In Tibetan Buddhism, today, it is a musical instrument that calls together spiritual assemblies and contains holy water. Different colored conch shells symbolize different things. White represents the Brahmin caste (priests). The conch is also an “emblem of power, authority and sovereignty whose blast is believed to banish evil spirits, avert natural disasters, and scare away poisonous creatures”.

Nitin Kumar further explains in “The Eight Auspicious Symbols of Buddhism – A Study in Spiritual Evolution“:

“A constant intriguing factor in the imagery of the Great Buddha is the group of three curving conch-like lines on his neck. In the varied world of Buddhist art this is one common characteristic that shines across all aesthetic traditions. Like other Buddhist motifs, it too is soaked in rich spiritual symbolism. It is said to represent Buddha’s deep and resonant voice, through which he introduced his followers to the path of dharma.

The association of the conch shell with Buddha’s melodious voice, sweet with the tenor of his uplifting message, has both an archetypal simplicity and universal appeal. It is a hard-hitting symbol which associates a primordial object (deemed sacred in all ancient traditions) with the actual physical body of the Buddha. Indeed, though much of Buddhist philosophy is esoteric, when it comes to aesthetics, Buddhist art is justly famous for giving a physical, easily recognizable representation to abstract philosophical truths.”

I then also realized that this image may even be in my home, remembering the two unique, imported, hand-painted Tibetan end tables I have in the living room, which not long ago I realized had some of the Eight Auspicious Symbols of Buddhism on them, including a Tibetan Buddha on the front. So I went to look at them when I got home and wouldn’t you know it….there I found a large conch on the left side of both end tables, just like the one above.


Conch on my Tibetan end table

So yes, another very interesting dream sequence journey that has so many layers I’m not even touching upon here, as well as some personal synchronous messages. What it all means is an evolution of discovery.

So much takes place when our minds are at rest, allowing our souls to journey expansively. The key is in bringing that which we learn within, into our daily experience for integrative empowerment. I also believe in the power of sharing, as a bridge for communication and connection, which is why I share some of the things that take place, as I know the collective reach of all that we experience.

I’m finding dream time to be something I look forward to every night when I go to bed, as I know the journeys will be rich with layers and deep with meaning to infuse into which ever reality I embrace. The more we open to the possibilities, the more possibilities we experience.

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