Silent Devotion Anchoring New Depths
Today’s Strawberry Capricorn Full Moon is the last Supermoon in the cycle of three for 2021. The Moon symbolizes your inner emotional world and when she’s full she helps to illuminate the truth for you to see about yourself and your relationship to everything outside of yourself. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to ask for what you deserve. This is a great time to confront the things you have been avoiding or aren’t seeing in all areas of your life. Responsible Capricorn supports a stronger and more cultivated foundation (spiritual roots) to your life expression/purpose and helps you to solidify and identify your priorities and values in productive and balanced ways.
Today felt like the aligned time to share about my experience away last week on silent retreat, as one of the themes that popped up for me during it was that of “devotional living,” which feels Capricorn in essence.
I also wanted to allow the energies to root and integrate more, as in reflection, I can see how much has taken place in a short period that could seem subtle from the outside and yet is quite profound.
That said, I do in fact feel and am experiencing a very profound new reality, in contrast to subtle reality shifts of the past from transformative periods, personally and collectively. Perhaps that might be your experience too.
As always, I am prompted to share things as my vulnerable, transparent part of the collective thread because of the constant confirmations of how this kind of connecting is valuable on layers far greater than meets the eye.
I wasn’t sure how much, or what if anything I was going to share both in words or photos from these deep experiences the last couple of weeks, but as always I listen to what nudges me and support that guidance having purpose and meaning beyond even what I might comprehend.
I’d like to back up to the days right before our going away and then share a summary of the journey that unfolded and continued through Summer Solstice, as it feels like a bookending full cycle took place. And with the previous May 26th’s Sagittarius Full Super Blood and Flower Moon Total Lunar Eclipse head activation, it’s also been a full cycle from one Full Moon to the next of clear anchoring that has taken place of the new from that initiation.
Shifts in consciousness are what take us into the new dimensional realms. What I’ve experienced and heard from others, since May 26th, is confirmation that the actualization of a big shift that’s been in motion has anchored and that the new reality is here and now for walking through new doorways of change and embodiment. Even if we don’t see things yet manifesting on all fronts of reality, the architecture is in place and things are in fact different depending on the person and perspective you’re viewing it from. For me personally, this has ignited the next phase and second half of my life in quite a leap – however long that might physically be.
Recent transformations have set things in motion in new directions and opened the door for a future version of me to step in that has been working behind the scenes until now. This may be hard to comprehend, but there’s definitely been a timeline jump and confirmation of upgrade future self that stepped in since May 26th’s Full Moon Eclipse and what I invited in then. Much the same way that I left an old me in a river up in Canada on our Magick Bus adventure and a future self walked in without an actual physical death needing to take place, once again a different part of my multi-dimensional self has walked in. And so, while still me and my essence, I’m a new version of me that has yet to walk in body this Earth life. There have also been quite a few revelations and confirming messages, of which some came through in the automatic writing I shared in the Solstice post that channeled through while I was away in silence.
After the combination of Cosmic energies, all of the solar flares, eclipses, longest galactic-sourced gamma-ray burst emitted, and Earth reflections like droughts, earthquakes, and other catastrophes, including huge human divide, we also feel a bit of a quiet pause and sense of doorways opening now. And although that sense of relief may feel tempting to sprint out and yell “yippee!” this time is more opportune to reflect and listen for inner direction on how truly you want to be stepping into the new reality in a whole new way that takes into account the wisdom gleaned over the last year and a half of time inside.
The light always finds us even in the darkest recesses of experiences we find ourselves journeying through.
Intensities are turning into gentleness more and more, but it’s still to your benefit to pause with greater awareness before bolting forth into things.
I personally felt a completely different reality anchored after I became adamant about “no more.” I’ve since experienced everything and everyone changing around me too, and where I felt such harsh division, this has been replaced by more softened and promising interactions.
Although I’ve shared through blogs some of the recent unfoldings, I’ve been a bit more quiet overall and taking that pause before each major share in order to both fully integrate the energies and to also share them with greater conscious awareness of how best to weave the key codes into the messages.
The new has supported a deepening of alignment into the expression of why I felt called to be here in this part of Earth history we are writing together. Maybe some of you feel similarly.
Or, perhaps my/our deepening alignment has helped support the new. Or both.
In any event, cosmic transparency, greater path alignment, a timeline jump, and a new version me without need for harsh NDE (near death experience) necessary, has been the daily experience since.
On the Thursday, June 10th Gemini New Moon Solar Eclipse there was the sense of a big energy recalibration and some interesting clicks happening that day, although the energy felt super soft in contrast to May 26th’s Eclipse. I also received a text from a dear friend who asked if I was open to being present to help support her and her soulmate in horse body through his transition that was going to take place the next morning. I immediately knew the importance of this event so beautifully navigated by such a masterful soul in horse body and that I was meant to be there.
So, early the morning of Friday, June 11th just a day after the Eclipse, but still in the prime and potent portal of its energy that is experienced for months, I made my way to physically be present for this. I assisted my own animal companions in person, as well as energetically assisted other people’s animal companions from afar in their transitions, but this was the first time for me doing so in person for one other than my own.
Being a huge black horse – such a massive, mystical, and powerful figure – made the experience even more profound.
And the fact that it was a horse – my favorite kind of horse that I identify with as well – given my life-long connection with them since I was a little girl and my past life connections with them and as them, was very profound and full circle of the life transition I was experiencing from this latest shift. It also felt like a major collective reflection. I’ve written about my horse connection before, so for now I’ll just say that not only did they help me through my childhood sensitivity challenges that led to an inability to eat every night without being hand-fed by my mom around 10-13 years of age and stomach aches every night that were only appeased by inviting horses into my visions and dreams (when I knew nothing of meditation at the time), alongside my mom comforting me through the night, but they also were connected to my way of life shifting from a work and race horse-driven conditioning to a wild and free mustang.
Without going into the personal details of the experience that are not mine to share, I’ll just say that it was hugely profound in both inner and outer experience to hold the space for this incredible being and his beloved soulmate, which literally manifested in seen ways. It was my path to act as a bridge to support peaceful journeying from this world to the next and I also took photos that day for my friend to have, which revealed incredible rainbow light across both of them, an amazing energy orb with a cross in it within his massive shadow, other energies, a rabbit that showed up and stayed the entire time to reflect that my dear ones I asked to assist from the other side were there to guide him home and assist me, and a physical experience I had right when he transitioned that I’ll also never forget that reflected the shift was real – the shift had anchored.
When this soul transitioned I was standing back a bit to be out of the way, but still in the space and suddenly I saw with my physical eyes everything wave out from him. It’s like in movies (think The Matrix) where the reality of the energetic field suddenly is seen and experienced when the veils drop. The field of reality before me moved in waves all around me like rolling energy and the landscape became fluid. I knew it was real, but blinked several times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things or dizzy, but it continued with everything pulsing in waves that revealed the fluidity of it all around us and of the realms opening and merging, as he moved out, through, and expanded. It was like reality breathing and pulsing and I became part of that breath and pulse. It was both slightly disorienting at first and then completely natural. Usually I see things like this only in dreams, visions, meditations, or blips, but it was profoundly obvious and physically and consciously an awakened, literal experience – the reality of reality and Cosmic and Earth as One.
I expounded a bit more on this experience leading up to the silent retreat, as it feels extremely important, timely, and necessary of the anchored new. It also felt profoundly key right before dropping into silence.
That afternoon, evening, and night I became physically exhausted in a way I haven’t been. It was not surprising given the experience and further recalibration of new energies physically taking root from the other realms that have been separate until now.
The weekend continued in a softened experience, although profound, and it mirrored the gentle transition this soul in horse body also went through. There continued to be Cosmic conversations pervading around me with people that were now on a new level and on the morning before we left on retreat, my very first yellow lily bloomed as a send-off and confirmation. That didn’t feel random at all.
And then we were off.
Thursday, June 14th was an integration day where we spent the first part of the day slowly easing into silence and at 5:05 pm (an unplanned, but perfect time) we commenced. This trip also happened to be right before our one year wedding anniversary, so it became a lovely way for us to deepen in connection and celebrate in a grace filled way. We actually discussed the possibility of this becoming a tradition for us, but definitely wanting to do it more regularly. It was my first fully silent retreat, although I’m silent a lot as it is. 😉 It was Dave’s second, as he went a couple of months earlier on his own since it was something he’d always wanted to do and now had opportunity to do so, being retired.
We decided to stop on our way and do a lovely new hike that took us to some emerald pools along the river.
This, and every hike we did while away, were very serene and always solitary or with limited crossing of anyone else more than once. I found an incredibly beautiful stone and my first feather on this hike, kicking off many gifts and messengers to come in the following days.
We also stopped for a lovely Thai lunch in an outdoor garden sanctuary setting with beautiful lush blooms surrounding us, then set off for our retreat cabin set secluded away from everyone on the edge of the forest with every single room looking out on the trees and night skies.
It was perfection with our cabin being named, “Devotion.”
And after settling in, the silent devotion began, which I found easy and comforting, with everything else becoming louder and more profound in a beautiful way. I wasn’t sure what the days following would look and feel like, as I didn’t go with an agenda or plan. I just allowed the energy to guide me and what I noticed is that my journey with this was very different than Dave’s.
I found that rather than a schedule of meditation in any certain vein, I was being shown that this experience would be more organic. After first sitting in meditation to see what would happen, I discovered that the energy didn’t want this to be any strict practice, but to be about receiving and giving to myself. So, it became a very self-nurturing time where I had nothing on the agenda at all to do but rest, be, receive, let go, and ground into the new – all about integrating the initiations and upgrades that was very much needed.
I found myself several times a day laying down by the window overlooking the forest by day and stars by night, giving self-Reiki, which was an act of surrender and allowing the Universal Life Force, and much more, to come through. I also just looked out the window, allowed visions and messages to channel, did an automatic writing, wrote down inspirations, and also began a new flow of exercise I thoroughly enjoyed and plan to continue to implement with my nature activities we already do.
This involved going out amidst the trees just outside the cabin in the forest and doing a combination of movement – similar to Qigong (a couple movements I remember from it), but mostly just my own inspired flow exercises with isometric exercises I used to do to create a whole fluid, balanced, and grounded experience for about a half an hour.
It was very invigorating, opening, and anchoring. I would choose a particular place and then eventually moved around the perimeter of the cabin creating an energetic grid with my anchoring.
Each night, Dave and I would sit out on the deck under the stars and do our own meditative Cosmic connecting and sit in silence to receive. On the first night subtle lights would move and disappear across the stars and gentle noises would move in the trees and bushes on the breeze. Another night involved what appeared as a shooting star, but what in fact it was might be another story.
On that first evening before our starry time under the tree tops, we explored the garden grounds and the first visitor appeared – a giant bull frog at the edge of the koi pond.
That first night I also had another of my bear dreams – yes that themed saga is ongoing and always at precisely potent times. This night the dream involved four bears. All of this having meaning for me, including integration of what I felt had come through from everything recently for my individual journey. (Oh wow! As I just wrote that the clock right now says 4:44 – UH HUH!)
That concluded our first day, and every morning we’d spend a couple of hours doing our own processes, concluding with a big huge bowl of fresh fruit and vegan scones or croissants and coffee out on the deck, followed by more morning integrations, my flow movements, and then onto lunch provided for us.
Then we’d head out on a daily hike Dave had lined up for us, pre-trip. Everything always in silence, although the energy was tangible and understood, even in the midst of no verbal communication.
Each hike always involved forest and water – river and reservoir lake – and always a ton of butterfly varieties floating around and down the trails along with us.
This second day, 6/15, had another beautiful visitor. After lunch, I was walking back to the car and my eye caught a little garden sign hidden behind the branch of a bush.
As soon as I saw it, I knew Joy was with us, which made sense since the Summer Solstice of 6/21, five years ago, was when she passed and my sweet soul family always shows up for me around their special days and portals. This was confirmed when we were driving to our hike and suddenly a large jack rabbit jumped out on the dirt road ahead of us.
She stopped to look at us and then slowly made her way down the road. She would stop and wait to see that we were following, then continued.
She went off to the side and waited under a bush, then came back down and beckoned us to follow her some more. This went on for about a half a mile until finally she disappeared in the side forest.
I knew right away, after seeing the sign and thinking of Joy, that this was her way of making an official appearance. When I said this again to Dave, who was equally excited and curious by the way this jack rabbit wanted us to follow her and not at all concerned about running away and hiding, I noticed the car clock said 1:11 on it – and therefore confirming Joy had slipped through worlds to see us.
Each evening after our last afternoon snack time outdoors and some down time, we’d take another walk around the grounds before more resting, meditative, nurturing and starry night connecting time.
Then on the morning of 6/16 at about 9:30 am it was fox that made an appearance.
We’ve had encounters with black, red, and now gray fox – all at very integral time periods in our life when things were shifting hugely. This time was no exception and the fact I was standing right at the window looking when she passed by, was no mere coincidence.
While gray foxes are the most common of foxes, they are elusive and rare to spot in the wild, especially because they are primarily nocturnal.
It’s interesting that all of the foxes we’ve seen have been in daylight hours, as the black fox was in the late afternoon, the red fox was in the afternoon, and now this gray beauty was edging into the later part of the morning.
She had a dark stripe down her huge bushy long tail.
A shapeshifter fox is a powerful guide to help you navigate your spiritual journey and to bridge the Earth and spirit worlds.
The messengers continued this day with my finding the sweetest and most intricate bird’s nest I’ve ever seen. It was incredibly beautiful and like a complex weaving of the Cosmic tapestry. I don’t think the photos do it any justice at all.
It was miniature and perfect, made out of the finest of threaded nature and one golden thread that appeared to be from humans woven into it and then lined with soft down feathers.
It’s now part of my nest mobile in our bedroom, which has grown into quite the work of nature art full of beautiful nests and portions of nests/hives from a variety of birds, wasps and bees.
Then deer appeared, reminding me somewhat of the cosmic ones I saw in Montana after Joy’s passing, as we headed on our next hike of the journey and the evening ended with a very curious raccoon who seemed to want to talk with us, making himself very known as he stood up on his feet to mirror us.
On that evening’s hike I decided to silently run, twirl and dance my way through the giant manzanita forest portal. With unspoken acknowledgment, Dave captured the moments that moved more ethereally in the twilight hours than photos we’d taken before for the Solstice spell I shared previously.
I then captured Dave, as he walked ahead of me down the path and connected with the incredible manzanita tree spirits.
I noted that the moon was sitting directly above the manzanita grove and upon our return back through the portal, as darkness was approaching, I snapped a few shots.
All of these felt to reflect the dance of light and shadow merging within and as I mentioned in my Solstice blog these photos feel to “visually reveal these sacred energies more literally of greater human embodiment transmuted by embrace of light and shadow……Faeries walk between worlds and dimensions, as Cosmic embodiments. It’s time for these worlds to merge and not be separated, just as it’s time for all of us to merge through the heart and overcome conditioned divisions on all fronts of life experience on Earth.”
Then, the confirmation of this alchemy appeared as bats galore circled around – too tiny and fast to capture on camera, although I did take a video of the giant manzanita forest portal, while I journeyed through it, where you can see them zipping by near the end. The video is too challenging to upload here, but I hope you do enjoy the photo montage to accompany my storyline of events.
I shared some highlights and key points and messengers that paint the overall energy of things. I find that a lot of times particular themes, animal spirit guides, and experiences are mirrored by what others message me about after they read these shares, and act as collective confirmations.
The rest of what unfolded is more personal and continues to evolve as the next steps I’m being guided to take. But in totality, it all spoke to me of a deeper, devotional way of living with greater clarity on my next focal points that will take shape shortly.
I mentioned finding my first feather on day one of this journey, but each day had a new feather or two for me as well. In all, I had a small collection of all different feathers and some beautiful treasures that now are in my garden, my office, and on the mobile I mentioned.
I’m especially grateful for the three large pieces of giant manzanita trunks I was gifted from the grounds where we stayed. They have to do fire clearing over time and these three beauties I got to take home.
For now, they line the deck by the rock garden outside my office and I just love their energy.
I’ve had an extra resonance with manzanitas recently, as you remember my making manzanita blossom jelly and syrup this year, and now to be with these giant manzanita beings felt like these spirits are strongly guiding and protecting me along the new path.
We stopped to do another hike on the way home on 6/17 and upon arrival I found that more yellow lilies had bloomed, now to be accompanied by my first dark red lilies, too, as a welcome home. In fact, my whole garden had evolved and bloomed some more, but I’ll save a garden update for an upcoming post.
Friday 6/18, the next full day back, we enjoyed a hike from the house to enjoy lunch and outdoor music. And on this hike we encountered falcon greeting us back. This was a first very up close and potent encounter with falcon we’ve had. The falcon was sitting on a branch to our right not far from the trail and just looked at us without moving for 20 or 30 seconds. He was very near and we could see all the details of his beautiful feathers and clear eyes. He then took off to the left and we continued on hiking. This ignited Egyptian memories and reflections of my two journeys there back in 2007. I was thinking about particular incidences where Horus, the Falcon God, had showed up for me and other pivotal things that were ignited during those trips that have come full circle now. It also reminded me of the message I received while away about things I was being shown to offer to others soon – one directly connected to falcon.
Then, as if to confirm my thoughts, the falcon appeared again on a branch to our left this time. He had gone ahead on the path and awaited us. The path was dense and mysterious, and not having heard him flying or seen his shadow above, made it more mysterious that he suddenly was there again. Once we saw him and I told Dave about what I’d been thinking about and that he seemed to be confirming my thoughts, he then took off and didn’t return.
When we returned home Dave called me to say that our beautiful coyote friend had just passed again by his office.
Sunday, June 20th was then our Summer Solstice anniversary and we were called to do one of our favorite hikes that we now call our anniversary hike given we’ve been drawn to it for celebrating.
I noted how we’d gone on this hike for our 11 year anniversary of first dating two years ago, for the day after our wedding one year ago, and now for our one year wedding anniversary this year.
I made us a Solstice cake to celebrate, which was a vegan dark chocolate cake frosted in vanilla that I then created a simple flower and fruit mandala on. I used strawberries, blueberries, and dried sunflower and rose petals and lavender that I harvested from my garden last year to add sweet faery touches.
Later that afternoon another full circle experience hit home really hard with a mixed bag of emotions that went from pain to release. I went out into the garden that evening, after returning from our hike, to water and check on all the plant babies. There I discovered a sweet little chipmunk who had transitioned. She was not there earlier and she still looked so fresh, as if just asleep, so I knew it had taken place recently that day.
I don’t want to go into details of her surmise and the direct connections to my Nestor, Cosmo, and Joy, but the reflections were too close for comfort to ignore. The only solace I took was in seeing how beautiful and peaceful she looked and how masterfully this dear soul in chipmunk body had navigated her transition on the Solstice portal, just as the powerful horse I assisted did in the Eclipse window, and each of my dear animal companions had chosen portal days – especially mirroring Joy who had journeyed on the Solstice of five years ago.
Tears flowed, as I sat holding the chipmunk in my hands for quite some time, sending lots of energy to her time of passing for peace and ease with her journeying. I listened for the messages and received, once again. I felt as if she was still alive and might sit up and open her eyes to look at me, as I gently caressed her head and body and reflected on all that had taken place these last weeks and how poignant this was as remembrance of Joy choosing Solstice as her day of returning to the stars just as this little one had.
I sat listening to where she wanted to be buried and finally this was the place.
I knew it was the right place because upon digging a hole my hand shovel hit something. I pulled it up and found a perfect heart rock. It became part of the burial stone mandala I created and then placed my very first bubble gum pink rose that had just bloomed atop this sacred ground.
It was also poignant in reflection to what I’ve known of my own journey and how old parts of me had died, only to be replaced by the ones relevant for now.
How Summer Solstice has become such a huge marker in for me of life transitions.
It spoke to a journey’s end and a new one beginning.
It reflected the fragility of life and how every moment is precious and not to be taken for granted.
It sang the song of stars that constantly whisper their calling to my heart.
It confirmed that the new has anchored and the old had retreated in place of a new reality forging its way.
And it’s a deeper and more devotional experience of living from spirit merged through heart into body as One.