Revisiting “Kill the Buddha” & the Journey of Untethered Creating
Back in August of 2016 I wrote a blog titled “Kill the Buddha and Become” and actually reblogged it within the same month that year. The first blog shared a dream I had and what it spoke to me about. The dream and my take-away was this:
“I was carrying two things in my hand. I don’t remember what one of them was, but the other was a small sacred box. It reminded me of, and I thought at first it was, the cedar box my Nestor’s ashes are in, but it turned out to be a different sacred box, with a handle at top and I realized I was carrying the ashes of Buddha in it. Then, someone was tattooing my face, but it felt larger than it is. What they were tattooing were giant black eyebrows in the shape you see of Buddha’s and the Buddha Eyes. So I had these larger than life black tattooed eyebrows and somehow I proportionately shifted into a much larger size to wear them. I feel this is about enlightenment being to symbolically “kill” the Buddha and BECOME. In addition, what we think of reality is an impermanent illusion and when you feel you’ve arrived at some idea or “correct” version of enlightenment, “killing” that idea, detaching from it, and continuing to creatively expand into other realms of possibility may be of great growth potential. The dream reflects on a Middle Way, or other continuously evolving potential versions and realities that exist outside of duality, which has pervaded my explorations more greatly of late.”
When I reblogged it, I was prompted by an inspiration that felt tied into the dream message and these were the additional thoughts I added:
“Presence of all multi-versions, potentials, visions, realities, past, present, future, up, down, diagonal, sideways, frontways, backways, etc….is a level of consciousness we are capable of and it can become more natural the more we engage it. This is not work. This is our very birth right of ease and grace as creative energy in harmonious motion. There is a spiraling of alchemy at work that is bringing forth new life and creative works, wisdom of senses, sacred embodiment, and more on a collective scale, right now. And that comes with observing a rise of much, seeming to be in opposition to that. This is simply consciousness naturally cycling through and asking of our observation, acceptance, personal action, and flowing implementation in response to change. There are many choices within this unfolding that one can make. Where you place your energy and focus, where you fight and take opposition, simply recognize what that inevitably manifests and where it derives from as the root of your own journey towards wholeness. Decide if a continued experience of duality is your choosing, or if you believe that there are other ways that your cellular intelligence and creative capacities could be alchemizing into new realities without repeating the same one in different clothing over and over.
The reasons I felt to share these two blog posts combined here is because they not only preface what I want to share today and actually summarize it quite well, but they foreshadowed what I feel as experience right now and even what the collective unfolding has currently been evolving into, some nearly six years later, while simultaneously mirroring an echo that Dave had in nudge to all of this.
The photo above is of our newest Buddha head we have in our home. It sits atop a hidden television lift cabinet in our living room that is motorized. In this way we don’t have to have the television in sight unless we are using it – our way of supporting feng shui in our space. When you hit a remote, the top panel opens and the tv slowly emerges. We don’t have cable or regular tv stations…just things like Netflix and Amazon Prime for movies and series, so we monitor what we’re energetically intaking too.
The reason for this new Buddha is because the last three met their demise at the hand of said television cabinet.
In each incident, Dave had gone to open the television cabinet before removing the Buddha, and the Buddha took a fall down the stairs behind the cabinet, breaking into pieces. This happened three times.
Dave would replace the Buddha each time with one that was of lighter material, just in case of more accidents, and they evolved in look and size as those “accidents” materialized – this latest one just being the head of Buddha, rather than a full-bodied Buddha like the rest. This latest one also going very well with the dream I shared above. I actually told Dave I thought it best not to replace the third Buddha, but this new one showed up a week later.
On the third fall, we had a laugh about it saying Dave killed the Buddha. We spoke about presence, breaking down of old paradigms and patterns, and inner transformation at hand too, but Dave really resonated with the “Kill the Buddha,” theme and I agreed, as we both knew it as what’s called a “koan” in Zen Buddhism – (Definition of koan ~ a paradoxical anecdote or riddle used to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment.)
This reminded me that I once wrote a blog by the same title and hence you have that full circle connection.
As Barbara O’Brien of Learn Religions writes:
“If you meet the Buddha, kill him.” this famous quote is attributed to Linji Yixuan (also spelled Lin-chi I-hsuan, d. 866), one of the most prominent masters of Zen history.
Linji also once said, “‘Buddha’ means pureness of the mind whose radiance pervades the entire dharma realm.” If you are familiar with Mahayana Buddhism, you will recognize that Linji is talking about Buddha Nature, which is the fundamental nature of all beings. In Zen, it’s generally understood that “When you meet the Buddha, kill him” refers to “killing” a Buddha you perceive as separate from yourself because such a Buddha is an illusion.
However, any conceptual understanding of “killing the Buddha” is going to fall short of what Linji was saying. To conceptualize non-duality or Buddha Nature is not the same as realization. As a Zen rule of thumb, if you can grasp it intellectually, you aren’t there yet.
The last sentence of the above excerpt has been a repetitive message I’ve been receiving for a few years now, but increasingly getting louder. I’ve noticed it in my own experiences and through my observation of other’s experiences around me. Part of why I feel everyone on some level is going through another round of their own form of healing growth at this time, even if years have been spent on personal development with a ton of amazing work under the belt, is because of not having yet penetrated all of the deeper levels as fully as the intellectual realms have been mastered. These to include the emotional realms and bridging emotional and mental into actualization.
It’s far easier to grasp concepts and understanding mentally and to talk incredible dances around things, but as the quote above shares, “to conceptualize is not the same as realization.” And realization comes through actual, embodied experience.
For this reason, I personally have felt called the past years, and increasingly so now, to move deeper into my experience of the concepts I’ve come to understand and hold as beliefs and values – truly putting them to the test on a daily basis when ever situations arise for me to move through. This isn’t a complicated process. It’s simply about awareness and being conscious of how I can apply what I’ve learned in the moment.
So if I truly hold a particular personal truth to be important, then I do my best to walk the walk and have actions correspond with words, thoughts, and authentic, conscious feelings. If I don’t immediately do so, then I rewire things directly after and realign myself once I embrace being human.
But enough on that, as this is something I have shared about before. I reiterate because of the theme that was coming through and because some things I feel bear repeating, even for myself. Also, because this concept has currently played itself out in my experience at greater depth with some of the most key things I’ve been working toward and until now had been just as frustrated as likely some of you have been with it.
So now that I’ve connected some of these dots, I can now share how all of this foreshadowed what’s been evolving for me and yet this will only be a snippet, as it’s more experience than intellect.
I wasn’t sure if I would share this or how to share this, especially since we can only each go through things for ourselves. But I kept getting the nudge it was important for some reason, regardless if it’s partially or fully understood, or if no one or only one person understood it. It’s about anchoring a frequency and, therefore, here I am sharing.
Perhaps it’s simply about perspective, which is interesting this was the one photo I captured of myself in the last month, which reminds me of one of the pieces in The Enchanted Realms Collection – titled, of course, “Perspective.”
The photo of me was from a hike, two Sundays ago on the 6th, down at lower elevations in the high desert to embrace the warm, Spring-like weather we’ve been having.
The journey took me through the lava rock terrain with the sun shining on my skin and smelling the scent of wild mustangs lingering in the air, as they roam free here. It was really enlivening and also grounding for what was to come later that day.
I had this moonscape all to myself, as the Moon edged toward fullness, and enjoyed seeing Spring pop up between the rocks, as well as the moon hanging out as my companion for the day. It was a bit otherworldly.
And now here we are at the Leo Full Snow Moon, today. It just so happened to snow for the first time, Valentine’s night and a little throughout yesterday, since our December storms.
But what I’ve experienced in the two weeks leading up pointed, for me, to a pivotal shift I’ve been long working toward and that felt pretty monumental.
Everyone’s perception, experience, understanding, and take on things will be different. So I share only with intent to anchor in potential spaces for us all each to move into, relative to the individual. And I can only do that by sharing my piece…my thread…and even more key, my frequency within it all.
That evening, after the hike, I was immersed in some deep consciousness journeying. I was exploring concepts around transcending duality – something I do quite often.
But this evening it was very different. The a-ha moment took form as a key that went past simply the mental realm. I could sense a shift, but it wasn’t until the next day – Monday the 7th – that I found the door that the key belonged to and a-ha turned into ahhhh, as in a release and relief to have journeyed beyond the incessant, heightened insight.
Things went from a lightbulb switch in the brain to a full immersive embodiment.
I was sitting on two long ski lifts on the mountain by myself on a warm, sunny day. The total ride on both lifts equals about 20 minutes and it’s one of my favorite things. That day I was still moving through the opening I felt from the night before and while peacefully gliding through the tree tops, the feeling moved through my entire being. But rather than have those expansive, beyond duality experiences merely in times of dream journeying, meditation, healing or intentional practices, or a-ha moments…I walked through the doorway and became it just by being.
It was beyond describing, in how it felt, but it was both humbling and empowering. There was no me and yet everything was me. There was a new way and I was creating it.
The reason this was significant, wasn’t just because of the experience, which I’ve had to some degree at times and at some point likely many of you have had at some time or another too. Yet this was different because I had finally gotten past the threshold of not knowing how to create the transcendent, beyond duality, next phase, but felt in every way I did know how and was moving into it without hitting a wall. There was a green light and all systems go. I knew without doubt what was possible and it was/is exciting to be on the precipice of something so fresh that I, as the Universe, am creating and experiencing for the very first moment ever.
Not everyone may be on the journey I am explaining, at this moment, as we each have different roles, timelines, and things we’re experiencing and bringing to the playground, but this is mine. And as mine, it is yours. And as yours it is mine.
In lak’ech ~ I am another yourself, you are another myself
It’s about transcending duality and yet being able to simultaneously hold all of the experiences of duality in stillness and a kind of quiet joy. It’s been about creating something that integrates and yet goes beyond. And that is something we have no blueprint for, as we’re creating it in the moment.
Until now, I’ve had ebbs and flows of frustration and release, as if I kept turning the door knob vigorously, but my key was never fitting. Then I’d pump myself back up and try again.
But on that Monday, the key fit and the door opened. And although I cannot explain exactly what I’ve experienced, nor what the next thing looks like, the difference is that I now know beyond doubt it is possible, I’ve tasted it, and I understand on deeper levels how to continue creating each step.
That may not sound like anything, but it was monumental in terms of what came through me on that ski lift, throughout my time gliding down the slopes, and has traveled with me since. Beyond words and truly beyond my needing to explain.
The reason I feel called to share what I have is because I know others are experiencing this too and because I know it means we’re collectively doing it…what the Universe, as us, hasn’t yet…we’re all doing it together…creating a new transformational cycle of consciousness, not just on Earth, but beyond.
Interestingly, near the end of last week I started to feel an energetic intensity rising. Even though I had this huge expanse come to reside within me permanently, there was the sense that this kind of transformation brought with it an integration process. And that included a kind of detoxing recalibration, as well as a deep dive into duality in order to utilize the alchemy I had accessed. I sense this will be an unfolding journey whose length is determined solely by my capacity at any given time to integrate.
Synchronously, I learned that at the same time of the week, there were geomagnetic storms that sent powerful eruptions of solar flares at the Earth. These bring an influx of new, high frequency light into the energy field of the collective consciousness that needs to be integrated into the physical body. Some people will be more sensitive to this actually happening.
Compounded with what I was moving through energetically and the solar flares, by Friday the 11th I was feeling the intensity rising and pulsing in my brain like things were being rewired. It lasted the whole day and through a Zoom session I do monthly with a sacred circle, was intensifying with our discussions until another breakthrough moment took place. This uncannily was activated after talking about Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, and I stated something along the lines of, “one can create massive impact and change simply by their presence and pure frequency of being.”
Immediately following, the intensity in my brain was released and I returned to flowing back toward the embodiment that had anchored on the mountain.
And once again, I found myself full circle with my Buddha dream, “killing the Buddha,” and just becoming theme, which had taken full-body residence in my experience beginning that Monday.
I continue to observe themes of endings and closures happening left and right on all levels for everyone. I continue to observe the dramatic contrasts around the world unfolding. And yet, now more than ever, I experience being untethered and the stillness of being and creating.
To all the frequency holders and architects of the new, thank you for all that you are contributing from the embodiment of your creative hearts.
Posted on February 16, 2022, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.
I’m absorbing this post of yours. Initially I key in on that I had interestingly enough purchased your perspective piece recently and the form I purchased was the key chain, which you also mention key here too. ❤💜 as I absorb more of your writing I have no doubt more will reveal itself to me. Love you
I was thinking the same about how that Perspective keychain made it’s way to you via those 2 sweet bunnies, as I wrote this and the key tie-in. Pretty profound! ❤ there’s a deep connective thread and I also believe things will reveal themselves more and on a level that will be more experience than making sense. Love you!!!
Love you too sweet T
How beautiful Tania. Especially the last two paragraphs. Thank you for killing the buddha, integrating, and being the all. Ho. 🙏
Oh thank you so much Brad 💓 I feel your love and am so grateful 🙏 you help me more than you know
I’m touched to hear that Tania. 💕
Incredibly deep and powerfully potent, I thank you with all my heart for thoroughly sharing what is a very very important post to me!! Can’t put it all in words here, but briefly, following that whole geometric solar flare thing going on, which I felt acutely as you……(and was made aware of by you….), I experienced two of the DEEPEST most profound and pure consciousness awakening/altering states yoga/meditation practices, EVER. Suffice it to say, in my over 20 years of practicing, I have NEVER EVER experienced my heart and mind bursting open to this space, (and it took courage to open up to it……at first it being so so intense…..but a literal voice from BEHIND me…… that pure stream of primordial consciousness……directing me “Go deeper…..let this go, THIS IS NOT YOU……!!) and listening, did as directed, which resulted in literally interfacing with that stream of pure, still, BE-ing which words fall utterly and completely short to describe. And I’m still integrating and experiencing this……AND experienced it the following day as well. Not easy to describe. Very much akin/similar to your experience, just unique to my vibration!! I will never be the same!
Soooooo THANK YOU dearly for this— I am most grateful!! Just WOW the timing of this share!
I love you. xx 🙌🏻❤️🔥
just beautiful to hear! it’s definitely the time for a whole new doorway of experience opening for each of us. these types of experiences are not able to be expressed, just as you shared as well. therefore i stayed away from trying to share any details…just an overall essence, as that felt more open so that there was no defining in ways that would lead to unproductive comparisons, as well as allowing for all the variances of experiences in similar or different vein to unfold in their own beauty and power for others. i’m so glad to hear of your powerful and beautiful journey, as it speaks to how the collective is experiencing the openings that allow creation of new potentials. i love you too!
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